BASHER HURLEY IN SEX CHANGE SCANDAL AT THE DUCK

BASHER HURLEY IN SEX CHANGE SCANDAL AT THE DUCK

 Basher Hurley, ex military hard man and former security adviser to the Queen of Bohemia, Prince of Belmont and Duke of Ascension Island (http://horsingtonsmythe.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/basher-hurley-in-intelligence-leak.html ), has astonished the genteel membership of the Duck Flat Cap Society by claiming that he has recently undertaken a sex change and should henceforth be known as "Gloria".

This news is all the more unusual due to previously reported surgery to increase his manhood by the use of prosthetic surgery and the use of a miniature penile rack.( http://horsingtonsmythe.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/basher-hurley-to-sue-over-penile_22.html )

The surgery is alleged to have taken place over the weekend at an undisclosed clinic that specialises in ex military personal gender assignment. However it is believed that the location of the clinic is adjacent to Gloria's residence, and was formerly a veterinary surgery.

Basher Hurley / Gloria has also revealed that although full gender reassignment has taken place, she has opted to retain her swingers in memory of his Air-force heritage, and has had a special pouch designed to conceal the goods.

At a hastily convened meeting of the full Gender assignment and Imbibing sub-committee, it was agreed that Basher Gloria could retain membership of the society by a near unanimous vote, with the only objection coming from failed ladies man and karaoke crooner, Ray the Dust who objected on the basis that he once shared a sun bed with "Gloria" in Benidorm.

Driver Chard abstained due to illness although it is believed that he fully endorsed the gender reassignment by way of carrier pigeon messages and the penny post. Unsubstantiated reports also state that Driver Chard stood at the end of his bed and played the Bagpipes on news of the operation. However this has not been independently corroborated.

Further information on how Gloria is performing will be released in due course.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

THE PANTS OF CARATACUS

THE PANTS OF CARATACUS

An extraordinary find was exposed during a recent archaeological dig at  the "Three and a Half Men" public house in North West London.  

Excavations in the sixteenth century former coaching inn’s basement, have unearthed a soiled pair of undergarments supposedly discarded by “Caratacus”, a first century British chieftain of the Catuvellauni tribe who led the British resistance to the Roman conquest of Britain.

The stained underpants were discovered in a sealed brass container, with a Pig Latin inscription describing the contents as having been discarded by the chieftain after an unfortunate accident whilst imbibing vast quantities of honeyed Meade at a Catuvellauni camp site adjacent to the present location of the public house.     

Also enclosed with the soiled garments was an ivory drinking horn made of Boars tusk, and a deer skin flat cap inscribed in Brythonic with the name Caratacus and a line drawing of his flaccid membership.  

The project to explore the basement and cellar of the "Three and a Half Men" was headed by Professor Hillary Hildegarde Chard, a distant relation of Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, acting president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society. 

Driver Chard had obtained funding for the dig by selling his collection of antique black and white editions of “Lady boy Frolics”, old Fulham FC programmes, and donating his body to science for the advancement of scalp therapy and hair replacement theory.

The Dig was headed by “Barry the Gravedigger” who advanced his services for no more than a daily allowance of three pints of lager and a packet of crisps, with the occasional free go on the Golf machine. He was ably assisted by failed ladies’ man and part time refuge collector “Sick note Ray the Dust”, the diminutive” little legs Parkes”, the pint sized overweight “Pepe Le Puke” and ex-military hard man and sexologist “Basher Hurley”.

Driver Chard main objective was to uncover the fabled lost tunnel that connected the "Three and a Half Men" with the near bye restaurant and Bar, located a couple of hundred meters away at the base of the adjacent steep hill.

This tunnel was also believed to be interconnected with the allegedly previously discovered tunnel running between the pubs and Bentley Priory, home of RAF "Fighter Command" during the Battle of Britain during World War 2.

Returning to the soiled undergarments bequeathed by Caratacus, local antiquarian “ Loafington Smythe”, believes that they are associated with the Roman encampment located at nearby Brockley Hill, where it is known that British tribal forces, led by Queen Boadicea, pursued the Roman Legions after the sacking of Colchester and London, prior to advancing to St Albans and the further destruction of Roman property and settlements.

It has been postulated by Professor "Loafington  Smythe", that after an earlier skirmish at Brockley Hill preceding the  Boadicean  revolt, Caratacus and a few of his cohorts escaped across the hilly ridge that now separates Hertfordshire from what was to become Middlesex, and found  refuge in a hovel that stood adjacent to an encampment, and located where the "Three and a Half Men" now stands.  Having reached the relative safety of the encampment they began to drink copious amounts of alcohol until they passed out soiling their undergarments as the strain of battle descended in to the oblivion of deep drink induced slumber. 

The other Britons under garments being of inferior quality quickly rotted in to oblivion, but the pants of Caratacus, being a gift from Boadicea, were of sufficient quality to survive until  found by a roving Monk during the middle ages who stored them in a brass box for posterity, and revered them as a religious relic. 

The Monk went on to found a Monastic brewery that eventually developed in to the present Public House and the revered relic remained interred in the basement / cellar until unearthed by the intrepid expedition by the Duck Flat Cap Society.

More details to be released in due course when Carbon Dating has provided a definitive date for the soiling of the Pants.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

 

BASHER HURLEY IN INTELLIGENCE LEAK OUTRAGE

BASHER HURLEY IN INTELLIGENCE LEAK OUTRAGE

Basher Hurley, ex military hard man and sexologist has allegedly been sighted in Moscow after leaking secret Duck Flat Cap Society files to the media. However sightings have also been reported in Havana and Northolt.

Basher Hurley’s last known location was Benidorm in south east Spain, where he declared his intent to release the contents hundreds of secret files to the “Valencia & Alicante Gleaner” and the “Benidorm and Altea Jewish Chronicle”.  

He is known to have departed Alicante airport in the early hours of Saturday morning, although his destination is as yet unconfirmed.

Agents of the Iberian secrete police working together with Interpol and Driver Chard believed that he obtained assistance from Sticky Vicky in his flight from the various and vicarious agencies on his trail.

It is alleged that he boarded an aircraft bound for Havana via Moscow, where he is known to have contacts in a “Churchill Cigar and Beef Tea” smuggling cartel.   However, the only plane destined for Havana that morning was due to stop at Northolt Aerodrome in North London en route, so as to drop of a crate of Cigars allegedly commissioned by the RAF.

Due to his previous employment by the RAF, it is believed that the ex military hard man may try to disembark with the cigars and proceed to penetrate the perimeter fencing so that he can find refuge in a local safe house provided by his nefarious companion "Little Legs Parks".

The acting President and Chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, has declared that “Jack Slipper” had been engaged to recover Basher Hurley, although this statement was quickly withdrawn when he was informed that he had been dead for 8 years.

 Feeling somewhat flustered and hot, dressed in his full Fulham F.C training kit, the red faced soon to be octogenarian unfurled his umbrella and placing three beer mats on his head, stated that the DFCS already had an agent on the ground in Spain.

 He went on to confirm that the ex karaoke singer and failed comedian “Ray the Dust”, will be liaising with the “Valencia and Alicante Gleaner” and the “Benidorm and Altea Jewish Chronicle” to retract any previously published statements regarding the DFCS records.

 It is reported that “God Boy Ince” will be joining Ray the Dust in Spain to assist him in his attempt to stifle any reproduction of the leaked information, which allegedly includes the names in “Meerkat Malc's”  “little black book”, together with details of the members tailors ,hatters and flat cap suppliers.    


Further details will be posted in due course.

  

 

"RASTA" HURLEY IN FAILED BAJAN COUP D'ETAT

"RASTA" HURLEY IN FAILED BAJAN COUP D'ETAT

Former military adviser to the Duck Flat Cap Society, Rasta Hurley, has stunned the Caribbean by allegedly attempting a putsch, and overthrow of the Bajan government.


The Coup D'etat had been planned by the ageing lothario, so as to enable the recently betrothed "Hard man" to establish an Empire and court, for the self styled Rasta and wife to be, to rule over with a rod of steel and ganja.

A remarkable change has betaken Rasta Hurley of late, with a marked change in attitude towards  the laid back Caribbean attitude and a rekindled love of Ganja.


It is a well known fact that as well as life saving triple bypass surgery Rasta Hurley also underwent a Penile Extension when he was recently under the surgeons knife. 
This increased vigour has had an unsurprising effect on the ageing ex military hard man, and i was of no surprise to the Imbibing sub committee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, that he has cemented his passion for ebony flesh by recently becoming betrothed to his ex home help and future wife.

However, as an unexplained side effect of this increase in his lust, he has also been bewitched with a longing to take control of his environment and to establish a homeland for himself and his partner.

This has directly led to his recent failed Coup D'etat in the Caribbean. The unsuccessful attempt to rest power from the Bajan authorities was thwarted due to his utter lack of planning and  man power. The putsch was to be initiated by a viral attack on the governments computer services and net works so that communications were stalled, thus allowing Basher Hurley and his small band of  revolutionaries to storm the government building and take control. 

However, the rebellion was timed to start during a wedding feast that he was attending and due to copious amounts of alcohol and ganja, and a fist fight against a six foot six limbo dancer, Rasta Hurley completely missed the proposed assault and retired to the bed of his mistress for a short passionate clinch with his pillow and hours of deep sleep.   

The Duck Flat Cap society have recently been advised by its acting president and chairman, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif, that he had been approached to accompany Rast Hurley on his military expedition, but that he turned him aside due to his dislike of Rum Punch and the fact that he could not use his London Transport free bus pass on the island.  

Rasta Hurley , has denied all knowledge of the failed Coup D'etat, but has been subpoenaed by the DFCS  to attend a commission that will investigate the sailiant facts and decide whether the former military adviser to the society may retain his membership and rank.

Further details will be published in due course. 

BASHER HURLEY IN MENTAL BREAKDOWN AFTER LINK WITH REPUBLICAN SYMPATHISERS REVEALED

BASHER HURLEY IN MENTAL BREAKDOWN AFTER LINK WITH REPUBLICAN SYMPATHISERS REVEALED

Ex military hard man, triple bypass survivor and full time sexologist, Basher Hurley has finally suffered a sever mental breakdown after revelations of a tawdry affair with a prominent anti royalist.

The former Duck Flat Cap Society (DFCS) military advisor and chief security officer, has unfortunately succumbed to the unabashed approaches of an experienced  Caribbean agent, and now has a full blown case of "Mad Albert Syndrome".

 MAD ALBERT SYNDROME

Sources in Moscow have allegedly discovered a link between Lambeth and Brixton based West Indian secret service agents and the KGB.

The link had originally been established during the Cuban missile Crisis but had remained in place, even continuing to exist after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the threat of a devastating nuclear attack.

It is allegedly well known by officials within the governments that sponsor and support NATO, including the United Kingdom, France and the British Commonwealth, that various West Indian states that are still officially linked to the monarchy, have been agitating for Republican Status for many years.

Their  plans to ditch the Queen as their figurehead and head of state are well known, but their link to the KGB has been overlooked for many years.

Basher Hurley has previously operated in this clandestine world, when he was seconded to the SAS whilst stationed in the Falkland Islands, just after the last conflict in the south Atlantic.

 This secondment had placed Basher Hurley in a compromising position, as his role collating and deciphering Argentine ciphers and  messages for the crown, had placed him in conflict with his burgeoning anti Royalist beliefs.

These beliefs originally grew from his involvement with a fascist band of criminals in Naples Italy, whilst he was stationed there as a military observer, attached to the USA 8^th fleet.These criminal gangs traced their history back to the revolutionary "Garibaldi" who helped defeat the various Italian monarchies to establish the Italian Republic in the nineteenth century.

The opportunity to sell contraband and drugs via his USA base connections was too much for the sex mad flight sergeant, and his temptation soon led to an unfortunate incident with a black Argentine prostitute and Madame, allegedly named "Signora Madonna Berlusconi".

 His depraved  sexual acts with this queen of smut and lust were filmed by members of the Cosa Nostra and leaked to the  8^th Fleets security service. Soon Basher Hurley was on the pay role of both organisations under the threat of being revealed as a sexual pervert, with a strange penchant for ageing overweight South American lard arses.

It is now thought that a copy of this sick Cine 8 film has been converted to video, and a copy shown to Basher Hurley as he recovered from his recent triple bypass operation.

 After being approached by a number of seedy characters during his hospitalisation, including the DFCS’s own Dave the Teach, Basher Hurley succumbed to sexual entrapment by his team of medical nurses.

This team of ex military west Indian nurses is headed by a former Miss West Indies who is a  known political agitator, and was especially prominent  during the early seventies.    

These revelations has now been uncovered by a special DFCS unit set up by a suspecting Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, who successfully obtained a copy of the video via his links with a local Italian barber.

Supporting Driver Chard in his allegations is failed Karaoke singer Ray the Dust who has recently branched out in to apprehending Bail Bond dodgers, and has taken the nick name "Ray the Dog Dust" 

The facts were revealed to Basher at the last committee meeting and the results are only to evident from the photographic evidence posted here.

At present Basher Hurley has retreated from public duty and is believed too

 be emigrating to the West Indies.

Further details will be published in due course.   

“BASHER” HURLEY TO CHALLENGE “TIGER” CHAPMAN

“BASHER” HURLEY TO CHALLENGE “TIGER” CHAPMAN

 

Former military hard man and resurgent sexologist, “Basher” Hurley, has stunned the Duck Flat Cap Society (DFCS) by laying down the gauntlet to master golf strategist and fellow ladies man, Dean “Tiger” Chapman.

“Basher” Hurley who has recently undertaken a triple bypass operation and penile extension, has recently been involved in a heated debate with Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff considering the golfing techniques and handling skills of former Brent & Middlesex number one, Dean “Tiger” Chapman. 

Driver Chard is of the opinion that Tiger Chapman was just a flash in the pan, and that he was no way near a skillful with a club as former golfing great Ben Hogan or “Chelsea” Dave the Duck.  Indeed, Driver Chard has often turned up for full committee meetings dressed from head to toe in clothing that Ben Hogan would have extremely familiar with as he strode the links of St Andrews and the manicured lawns of Augusta.

  Returning to Tiger Chapman, Driver Chard as usually the case, had become extremely confused, and mistakenly believed that he should refrain from the game of golf and return to his former job of advertising petrol, by extolling that motorists should put a Tiger in their tanks ! 

Basher Hurley deeply disagreed with this assessment, although agreed that his own grip, unlike Tiger Chapman or his name sake Tiger Woods, was somewhat similar to Ben Hogan’s, especially when caressing the shank prior to proceeding to place his ball in the hole after ringing the cup.

So as to try and prove his point, Basher Hurley has e mailed Tiger Chapman challenging him to 72 holes in Benidorm, Spain, with Driver Chard as witness, Golf Buggy driver and scorecard marker.

It is proposed that Chelsea Dave the Duck would caddy with Barry Duck assisting by cleaning the players balls as the games progress.

The golf play would be accompanied by 3 nights of debauchery in the bars and night clubs of Benidorm, and additional bonus points would be awarded for securing a hole in one during an evenings play. Further bonus points would be awarded for speed of completing the course and for adding back spin to the balls whilst attempting short holes with lots of tangled undergrowth, and without much room to manoeuvre the shaft.   

 The choice of venue being close to Basher Hurly’s heart and indeed other parts of his anatomy, due to previous unblemished stroke play and regular uninterrupted putting, during earlier trips to the dark and seedy enclave of Benidorm, which is frequented by British ex. patriots and criminals, such as the notorious failed karaoke singer and dust cart operative, Ray the Dust.

Ray the Dust, who has recently been on the Costa Del Crime trying to negotiate a contract to perform with Sticky Vicki, has also expressed a wish to take place in the crunch golfing and debauchery challenge and has offered to caddy and act as general man servant and dogs body for Tiger Chapman.

This offer has not as yet been taken up by Tiger Chapman, as it is believed he wishes to be accompanied by his occasional drinking partner "Little Legs" Parks, due to his local knowledge of the brothels and general underworld of the Cost Del Crime.

A final decision on the location and the members chosen to assist the combatants of the proposed golfing and debauchery mission, will be made at the next session of the full  Duck Flat Cap Society Imbibing and Golf committee.

BASHER HURLEY TO SUE OVER PENILE EXTENSION SLANDER

BASHER HURLEY TO SUE OVER PENILE EXTENSION SLANDER

Ex military hardman and sexologist, Basher Hurley, is outraged at the suggestion that his recent triple bypass heart operation was a scam to cover up an extension to his manhood.

After a strenuous and lengthy workout with his dusky nurse, Basher Hurley made a surprise appearance at the Duck yesterday evening with his solicitor, Flight Lieutenant Stretchit-Andbashit, who provided the assembled imbibing and medical sub committee a portfolio of colour photographs as evidence that his manhood was untouched by the knife or other surgical procedure.

As the Duck Flat Cap Society medical sub committee studied the photographs, Basher Hurley made protracted circuits of the pubs outer borders so as to ensure that the perimeter was secure.

 He then strolled purposely, but with a noticible limp, to the bar where he ordered two pints of Guinness and a half measure of  Barley Wine that he claimed was for his elderly mother waiting outside, tied to a lamp post.

 However it was evident to all but Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, that the Nurses Uniform viewed through the frosted glass window was indeed that of his trusty nurse, rather than his mother.

The folio of photographs appeared at first glance looked to have been doctored as they all had the appearance of extremely dark skin, whilst Basher Hurley was well known for his pale complexion.

Further more the views in the background of many of the photo's appeared to be of either Africa or the Caribbean, or a prison cell. Stranger still was a tattoo with the name "Winston" stretched along the length of the member.

The photographs will continue to be studied, and a further meeting between the Duck Flat Cap Society and Basher Hurley's lawyers will take place shortly

BASHER HURLEY IN TRIPLE BYPASS CALYPSO SEXPLOSION

BASHER HURLEY IN TRIPLE BYPASS CALYPSO SEXPLOSION

 
 

The Duck Flat Cap Societies resident thug and intelligence officer, Basher Hurley, a former military hard man and continuing sex mad sexologist, has recently undergone triple heart surgery so as to ensure his fitness level is maintained at that of a raging bare knuckle homophobic super stud.

The surgical procedure was designed so as to ensure that an additional artery and two additional veins were inserted to supply his manhood, as well as the standard insertion of triple bypass conduits to ease the supply of blood to his pulsating cardiac organ.  

The surgeons performing the operation were engaged under strict instructions from the medical wing of the Duck Flat Cap Society, under guidance from MI5 and the South African and Israeli secret services. In addition, the Special Boat Service and SAS provide medical back up by way of Mata Hari styled nurses, who were assigned to him immediately after the operation so as to assess his post operative coital capacity.

Basher was indeed soon back in working order and just a couple of days after his operation the ex military hard man had resume his seat at the DFCS  high table and indulged in his usual capricious activity of imbibing vast quantities of the black stuff from the emerald isles.

With regards to his sexual abilities, he has also conducted himself in a totally unselfish manner and has cooperated fully with the Caribbean form of the “Black stuff”, supplied by the military division of the Jamaican secret service.

As usual, Basher Hurley has performed with natural grace and agility whilst he has tested the Jamaican agent to the limit with his consistent and regular exercise regime.

The DFCS imbibing and ethnic relations sub committee have commended Basher Hurley on his return to active duty so soon after his operation, and have discussed the possibility of offering the former military hard man a medal as a token of their admiration.

 However, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff has vetoed this suggestion as he feel that more time needs to elapse prior to the Society bestowing the "Silver Chopper" award.

 Driver Chard's  apprehension is supported by Chelsea Dave and Barry Duck as they both have received reports that Basher Hurley also received a Penile Extension whilst under the Knife, and therefore contravening one of the golden ball rules of the Duck Flat Cap Society.

A further faction of the Society, headed by northern activist "Dave the Teach" is Pro Basher with regards awarding a medal in recognition of his recent work in inter racial Harmony, and argues that the Penile extension was always part of the deal.     

 The full committee will soon be meeting to discuss the possibility of awarding a "Purple Testicle" in compensation, and further details will be leaked in due course. 

BASHER HURLEY IN TRIPLE BYPASS CALYPSO SEXPLOSION OUTRAGE

BASHER HURLEY IN TRIPLE BYPASS CALYPSO SEXPLOSION

 

The Duck Flat Cap Societies resident thug and intelligence officer, Basher Hurley, a former military hard man and continuing sex mad sexologist, has recently undergone triple heart surgery so as to ensure his fitness level is maintained at that of a raging bare knuckle homophobic super stud.

The surgical procedure was designed so as to ensure that an additional artery and two additional veins were inserted to supply his manhood, as well as the standard insertion of triple bypass conduits to ease the supply of blood to his pulsating cardiac organ.  

The surgeons performing the operation were engaged under strict instructions from the medical wing of the Duck Flat Cap Society, under guidance from MI5 and the South African and Israeli secret services. In addition, the Special Boat Service and SAS provide medical back up by way of Mata Hari styled nurses, who were assigned to him immediately after the operation so as to assess his post operative coital capacity.

Basher was indeed soon back in working order and just a couple of days after his operation the ex military hard man had resume his seat at the DFCS  high table and indulged in his usual capricious activity of imbibing vast quantities of the black stuff from the emerald isles.

With regards to his sexual abilities, he has also conducted himself in a totally unselfish manner and has cooperated fully with the Caribbean form of the “Black stuff”, supplied by the military division of the Jamaican secret service.

As usual, Basher Hurley has performed with natural grace and agility whilst he has tested the Jamaican agent to the limit with his consistent and regular exercise regime.

The DFCS imbibing and ethnic relations sub committee have commended Basher Hurley on his return to active duty so soon after his operation, and have discussed the possibility of offering the former military hard man a medal as a token of their admiration.

 However, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff has vetoed this suggestion as he feel that more time needs to elapse prior to the Society bestowing the "Silver Chopper" award.

 Driver Chard's  apprehension is supported by Chelsea Dave and Barry Duck as they both have received reports that Basher Hurley also received a Penile Extension whilst under the Knife, and therefore contravening one of the golden ball rules of the Duck Flat Cap Society.

A further faction of the Society, headed by northern activist "Dave the Teach" is Pro Basher with regards awarding a medal in recognition of his recent work in inter racial Harmony, and argues that the Penile extension was always part of the deal.     

 The full committee will soon be meeting to discuss the possibility of awarding a "Purple Testicle" in compensation, and further details will be leaked in due course.