RAY THE DUST IN CLIMATE CHANGE OUTRAGE

                                 RAY THE DUST IN CLIMATE CHANGE OUTRAGE

Ex-part-time refuse collector and failed karaoke singer, Ray the Dust, has outraged society by alleging that Global warming is not taking place, and that the recent severe global weather has been caused by an increase in flatulence and "following through", in the third world.

Ray the Dust’s statement was made after receiving confirmation that his employers have finally won their legal battle to dismiss him from his position as a part time refuse collector, due to his continued use of Rohipnal and  other drugs to combat his rapid onset of Mad Albert disease and non-ferrous erectile dysfunction.

The failed womaniser and ladies’ man originally picked up a taste for Rohipnal when he was a regular member of the seedy karaoke circuit, was often picked up by gay crooners who would administer the class one drug to the Dusts alcoholic beverage before taking advantage of his overweight carcass in the filthy club toilets used as changing rooms. Indeed, his later narcolepsy is a medical throwback to his dependence on the date rape drug. 

On a recent visit to Spain, a sloth like Ray the Dust noticed a number of articles in old copies of Sunday supplements and immediately ranted that the third worlds over indulgence in the eating of spicy foods was the prime reason for recent wild fluctuations in the world’s climate. Indeed, he further proposed hat “El Nino” should now be known as “El Farto” due to the increase in methane released in to the atmosphere due to farting peasants and farmers throughout the third word and in particular Barrow in Furness.

Northern agitator and ex school master, Dave the Teach, has expressed his disdain for the elephantine ex refuse truck drivers comments, and has stated that in view of his slander of Barrow In Furness, he will ensure that the Dust will never again sing in the clubs and bars of the north, including Cumbria, Lancashire and the Borders. However, in view of his hatred of Yorkshire, the Dust will not be blacklisted in that shire.

In view of the above, the "Karaoke and Methane" sub-committee of the Duck Flat Cap society are to debate theses matters at the forthcoming Xmas dinner and orgy, and will invite the ailing and infirm former President and Chairman, Driver Chard of El Duiff to preside at the proceedings.

Further details in due course.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

DOOMSDAY DEVICE UNEARTHED BY BAZZA THE GRAVEDIGGER IN DUCK DIG

DOOMSDAY DEVICE UNEARTHED BY BAZZA THE GRAVEDIGGER IN DUCK DIG

Working on behalf of the Cumbria, Johannesburg and Stettin Institute of Dwarfism and Mastication, the archaeological sub-section of the Duck Flat Cap society have unearthed an incredible find whilst exploring a network of tunnels beneath Belmont.

The tunnels were initially started in antiquity, and are believed to have been in existence when the Saxons and Danes were disputing ownership of the territory in the 7^th century AD. However, Dr Driver Chard disputes this and places the creation of earliest sections of the tunnels in the post Celtic days, just after the arrival of the Romans under the command of Julius Caesar.

The tunnels were allegedly utilised by the Saxons who originally cleared the area of the extensive tree cover, which was part of the extensive Forest of Middlesex.

The area was the adopted land of the “Middle Saxons”, who had cleared the area to make it their homeland. These middle Saxons in Middlesex are not to be mistaken for the east Saxons in Essex, the south Saxons in Sussex and the west Saxons in Wessex, but are from the same original homeland in northern Germany.

The tunnels were supposedly created at the same time as the ancient earthwork known as “Grim's Dyke”, an extensive defensive earthwork, the remains of which are still extant today.

During the 2^nd world war, the tunnels were further extended so that a link was created between the 7 Balls public house, the Duck in the Pond public house, RAF Stanmore Park and RAF Bentley Priory, the home of Fighter Command. The tunnels were allegedly used by prominent members of government and the military so that they could secretly and safely consume pints of the best bitter beer and smoke gargantuan Cuban cigars supplied by both public houses.


It has long been postulated by locals and a number of ex military, that the tunnels continued to the cellar of the Duck in the Pond public house, where the war time commanders of the Air Force bases would imbibe their favourite tipple.


Indeed, a favourite Golden pale ale sold at the time of the Battle Of Britain was locally named "Old Winny" in the belief that Winston Churchill drunk the amber ale when visiting the pub with local air commanders and squadron leaders. It is also alleged that the pubs dog, a German Shepherd, was affectionately known as "Winston" after he chewed through the war time leaders boots, whilst the prime minister rested his bare feet on a small table in the corner of the smug.


 These extensions were dug through the steep hill that is currently part of Stanmore Golf club, which is in fact itself man made, having been made for the 1^st Duke of Chandos during the early 18th century so that he could view a folly on its summit from his palatial mansion “Cannons” in what is now Cannons Park, Little Stanmore, Middlesex. The house was demolished not long after the 1^st Dukes death but smaller properties have stood on the same footprint, and the existing building is now a private school.

During the recent excavations by the archaeology sub-section of the Duck Flat Cap Society, it was noticed by lead digger , Bazza the Gravedigger, that within a section of the extended tunnel running under the hill, a previously undiscovered small door led off from the main tunnel in to a small sub chamber.




 On entering the chamber, Bazza the Gravedigger summoned the rest of the team in to the foul smelling space and howled with astonishment as he switched on a rusting light switch adjacent to the door. Facing him and the assembled diggers of the Duck Flat cap society was a large wooden chair with the lifeless body of a uniformed guard sat bolt upright. Before the guard was a small desk with a large contraption sat upon its dusty surface.

 On closer inspection it was soon clear that the item on the desk was a primitive, but fully armed, thermonuclear device. Next to the device was a large lever that was in the off position as detailed on the wooden board behind it. A set of earphones was attached to the skull of the dead guard and an instruction manual was attached by a wire to the table.

Dr Driver Chard opened the manual and was astonished to read the instruction –“DETONATE UPON TELEPHONIC INSTRUCTION AND THE CORRECT CODE WORD”. A list of code words and dates was appended to the instruction.

It was evident to the archaeologists that they had stumbled upon the fabled “Bentley  Doomsday device”, long thought to exist by chronicler’s of the 2^nd Global conflict, but had evaded all attempts to prove.

It is alleged that documents stored in the Archangel and Benidorm Institute of Doomsday devices states that a number of these rudimentary devices were planted throughout the country in a network of tunnels, and that they were to be detonated if the the war was lost and Britain was to be invaded.

The initial device being exploded near to Bentley Priory with a chain reaction effect detonating the remaining devices one after another until Great Britain had been annihilated and no longer viable for occupation by the massed Prussian hoards.

These matters are to be further investigated by the archaeological sub-section of the Duck Flat Cap society and a full report will be issued in due course.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

BOHEMIAN FLU ALERT AT DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

BOHEMIAN FLU ALERT AT DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

MAD PAT - FLU VICTIM

Leaked reports allegedly emanating from the "Stetting and Barrow Institute of Immunology and Sexology" state that a highly virulent strain of flu has been identified in North West London and the surrounding hinterland of Hertfordshire and Buckinghamshire.

The strain has allegedly been named "Bohemian Flu" due to its first victims being members of The "Bohemian League of Gentlemen", a secret society who are sworn to secrecy but are known to inhabit various public house located near to the stations of the Metropolitan Line, part of the London Underground railway system.

The strain is known to attack the central nervous system of its victims and eventually works its way to the frontal lobe of the brain. It then secretes hormones that attack the neurons that serve the optical, vocal and balance function of the brain.  In this respect it is expeditiously virulent when mixed with alcohol, and its victims can easily be mistaken to be inebriated and strikingly off their heads.

LES - VICTIM OF MAD ALBERT DISEASE

If left untreated it is alleged that its victims will loose all sense of reality and will slowly retreat it to a cocoon like state that closely resembles the final stages of the incurable "Mad Albert Disease".  

Acting on behalf of the Stetting and Barrow Institute of Immunology and Sexology, the Duck Flat Cap society have been  instructed by the Bohemian League of Gentlemen (BLOG)  to conduct further experiments on their brethren so as to further investigate this debilitating strain of flu, and it is hoped that by studying infected members an effective form of immunisation can be discovered.

RAY THE DUST - LAZYITOUS VICTIM

It is hoped that previous studies in to the incurable disease known as "Mad Albert Syndrome" will assist the medical and imbibing sub-division of the DFCS in finding the cure to this virulent killer.



The sub-section will be headed up by Driver Chard who will be assisted by Ray the Dust who is himself still recovering from a perniciously virulent bout of  "Lazyitous syndrome" combined with minor "Mad Albert Disease".

 If Ray the Dust is unable to assist Driver Chard he will be assisted by Pepe Le Puke, who's soiled underpants were previously proven to be a contagious carrier of Mad Albert Disease, and is therefore inoculated against the most virulent strains of these diseases.

Further reports will be submitted in due course.


R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

HERR BROT IN BUNDESLIGA BLUES BID

HERR BROT IN BUNDESLIGA BLUES BID

HERR BROT VON BUFF

The Duck Flat Cap Society have been informed by a trusted informer, that a former Wembley baker and brothel keeper is allegedly brokering a deal for a famous London football team to relocate to Germany. This move has allegedly been provoked by the teams recent run of bad form, and the wish for salted bratwurst and sauerkraut.

Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, acting chairman of the sporting, imbibing and procrastinating sub committee, has recently released a statement from his secret hideaway, believed to be the Embassy of the failed state of East Chardistan.


The statement alleged that he has been witness to alleged negotiations that have been taking place at a number of clandestine meetings between officials of the London club and prominent members of the Deutche Bakers and Plumbers Bundesliga, and the Blind Deutche Bun Makers Bundestag.

Although there is no proof of these alleged meetings, Driver Chard previous good name merits a thorough investigation of the alleged facts.  

At a recent meeting of the Bohemian League of Gentleman (BLOG), Herr Brot Von Buff let is slip that he had been negotiating with oil rich middle eastern confederates at a major London hotel.

These discussions became heated when it was suggested that Herr Brot changed his clothing to that of his compatriots and partake of the Turban.


 At this suggestion Herr Brot became outraged and stormed  from the hotel in a rage, relocating to a secret address before revealing his outrage at a district meeting of the Bohemian League of Gentleman's imbibing, hiking and train travel sub-section at a hostelry located in the hinterland of the outer middle Saxons.   

The Duck Flat Cap Society are to have a joint meeting with representatives of BLOG to fully establish the facts, and have arranged to conduct an interview with Driver Chard at the East Chardistan embassy, which is based a couple of hundred yards from the fabled debating chambers of the Duck in the Pond, situated in north west London.

The German connection will be debated together with the possibility of both societies adopting the Turban as formal dress for sub committee meetings and meth dances.

Former Dust Cart operative and failed karaoke singer and ladies man, Ray the Dust will be appointed chairman of this joint meeting provided he is allowed out by his lady in waiting, Madam Dust.

Further details will be released when they become available.

COUNTRY PARK OR BUST - A WALK INTO LOCAL HISTORY

COUNTRY PARK OR BUST - A WALK INTO LOCAL HISTORY

A stroll along the quiet lanes of Harrow Weald and Stanmore including a circumnavigation of Stanmore Country Park, a visit to a huge unexplained hole in the ground, and culminating in a navigation around Stanmore golf course via a footpath crossing the old Harrow Weald to Stanmore "rattler" railway.

As with all walks on this blog, you start your journey by turning on to College Avenue and heading downhill towards the Duck in the Pond pub.

After appox 100 yards take the first left on to College Hill Road and immediately turn right on to The Avenue. Continue along the pleasant suburban road until you reach the junction with  Kenton Lane when you turn left and then immediately right on to the Highway.

Proceed along the Highway and start to ascend the step hill with 1930's "Metroland" house's to each side of the quiet roadway.  At the end of the road, and upon reaching the summit, you can pause for a breath and look back upon a vista of suburban sprawl interspersed by the spire of St Mary's church and the green swath at Harrow on the Hill.

We continue through the traffic barriers at the end of the road, and continue along a pleasant footpath between large, spacious and attractive 1980's built detached housing . We continue along the properties private estate road and arrive at a  junction with one of Harrow Weald's more wealthy roads, Gordon Avenue.

Gordon Avenue was originally laid out at the end of the 19th century by the proprietor of the hotel that occupied the Bentley Priory site. Built as an access road for the railway station at the terminus of the "Rattler" extension to the Euston  - Birmingham railway line. As with the road, the railway extension line was built largely at the expense of the hotels wealthy proprietor Frederick Gordon.

The land the road and accompanying house's are built on formerly formed part of the substantial and beautiful "Stanmore Park Estate" owned by the founder of "Drummond's Bank "Andrew Drummond, and later owned by George Glynn , founder of Williams and Glynn Bank.

The estate was gradually sold off piecemeal for housing in the early 20th century, with the properties developed all being of a substantial size, and situated adjacent to the newly formed Stanmore Golf Course, which was built across many acres of the former estate.

These acres including a man made mound known as "Belmont" due to is bell like shape, originally built as a view point and folly for the Duke of Chandos who lived in the adjacent "Cannons Estate".

The surrounding settlement still being known as "Belmont". 

However, a large area surrounding the mansion house remained as open space when the main property became a school, and then a Balloon Station for the RAF. Unfortunately, within the last few years, even this land was developed and the remnants of the once glorious estate are a lake less than half its original size, and soulless modern housing and flats.

Returning to our mini marathon, we turn right on to Gordon Avenue and continue past large and substantial properties, although only two of the original Victorian mansions survive in their original state.

One of the remaining Victorian Houses

As you proceed along Gordon Avenue, on your right are a strange but not unpleasant grouping of substantial detached Victorian housing, sixties built semi’s and flats, and recently constructed large detached houses with neoclassical columns and Italianate design.

As detailed earlier, these properties sit on the former fields of the Stanmore Park Estate and were originally substantial mansions with outhouses and a considerable amount of land laid out as gardens.

It is for this reason that most of the original houses have been demolished to make way for low rise blocks of flats and small cul-de-sacs comprising of expensive but relatively much smaller semi-detached and detached housing.

Behind these developments remain the green wide open spaces of the original estate, as the land is now occupied by Stanmore Golf course and the grand clubhouse of Stanmore Golf club.

On the left of Gordon Avenue, opposite those just detailed, there are no original Victorian or Edwardian properties remaining but yet again, numerous new developments utilising the original large plots.

As you reach the end of this stretch of road, you reach a sharp left bend with the entrance road to the golf club to your right, and continued urban development to your left.

Approx. 100 yards from the apex of the bend, you reach a number of old houses that sit between the road and Temple Pond.

Old map of Stanmore Park and Temple Pond

Temple Pond was the largest water feature of the Stanmore Park Estate, and sat behind the mansion house with lawns running down to its banks. The lake was formed by damming the small brook that originates on the elevated land of the adjacent Bentley Priory Estate.

The brook leaves the lake between the apex of the bend earlier described, and the stone pillared and still existing former east entrance to the Stanmore Park Estate grounds. It continues across the road through a wooded enclosure that has a pleasant short footpath winding its way alongside the small river until it returns to a culvert that runs under Woolverton Road and onward to Stanmore marsh.

Returning to Gordon Avenue, we continue forward around the gentle right handed bend until we meet the junction with Old Church Lane.
On your immediate right is the former Stanmore Station located at the head of the rattler line built to service the former hotel at Bentley Priory.

However, as you may have guessed, it is no longer a station, as the line was torn up in the early 1960’s after Dr Beechings decision to decimate local railways.

The former railway station building has been converted in to a private dwelling, although its former use can clearly be seen by those in the know.

The entrance to the Manor House

At this road junction we will turn left and proceed further along Old Church Lane, and to our right we pass what is known as the “Tudor Well” believed to be a real well that serviced the former manor house. Indeed, a concrete and wooden structure is blocked off with a circular mill stone and the well is believed to be intact beneath the stone.

We continue and pass the site of the former Manor House situated to our right, now occupied by a faux 15c building built in the early 20c, and to our left a number of new developments built on the site of more substantial Victorian detached villas.

To our left, we soon pass a series of 17c terraced properties, one of which was smithy, which are associated with both the old Manor House and the Rectory which stands on a small road behind them.

Church House and Cowman's cottages

To our right are a series of old buildings known as Church House Cottage and Cowman's Cottage which were formerly part of the old Manor House, but are now utilised for a variety of purposes.

Behind these buildings are Bernays Gardens, which were once part of the old manor house gardens.

The gardens are now open to the public, and take their name from the Bernays family who were former rectors of Stanmore Parish Church, St John the Evangelist, which stands opposite.

We are then at the end of the road where today, Old Church Lane forms a junction with the Uxbridge Road.

Turning right will take us in to the centre of Stanmore, and to the left Harrow Weald, via Brockhurst Corner and the public house formerly known as “The Leefe Robinson”, named in memory of the first British WW1 airman to shoot down a German Zeppelin.  

Leefe Robinson is himself buried just 50 yards away in a section of Harrow Weald Cemetery, and is entombed beneath an elaborate grave that is regularly decorated with poppies and other WW1 memorabilia and regalia.

Returning to the end of Old Church Lane, we are confronted with the strange occurrence of two churches standing side by side, encompassing a large cemetery plot, crumbling ruins of the 1632 church and the current church building, which had the foundation stone laid by the dowager Queen Adelaide in 1850.

The churchyard contains the ruins of the old brick church of St John the Evangelist, built in 1632, and the new church, which was built in 1850 when the old church was too small and also found to be unsafe. The parish had strong connections with the many local dignitaries with estates in the area, to whom there are notable monuments in the church and churchyard.

These included Stanmore Park, Stanmore Hall and Bentley Priory, the latter at one time the home of Lord Abercorn and Lord Aberdeen, whose son Douglas Gordon was Rector and one of the donors of the new church.

At this junction we turn right on to Church Road and continue towards the shopping area where the road becomes The Broadway, which unfortunately has no remaining buildings of antiquity or interest, with 1960’s and 70’s retail redevelopments lining both sides of the road. We pass the junction with Stanmore Hill and continue passed a series of modest shops, coffee houses and cafes.

Just before we arrive at a cross roads, we encounter one of the oldest buildings in Stanmore. To our right is a terrace of timber-framed two-storeyed tenements, nos. 57-65 the Broadway, built in the early 17th-century as one house, possibly as an inn, but with later doors and windows.

Sources quote that the building is plastered outside and contains, in No.59, an elaborate chimney piece and panelling. It is reported that despite the loss of a ninth bay at the western end, the jettied upper storey facing the street for 98 feet is unequalled in Middlesex and one of the longest continuous jetties in the country.  

Returning to our walk, we turn left from The Broadway onto Dennis Lane and climb uphill passing Oak Lodge Close and Valencia Road on our right. After a short while we turn right in to an unnamed short road that leads in to Stanmore Country Park.

On entering the park take a moment to study the large notice board and map and follow the route for the left loop which takes you along wooded paths inter-spaced with small clearings.


Stanmore Country Park is a 30.7 hectare public park, Local Nature Reserve and site of Metropolitan Importance for Nature Conservation and is now  owned and managed by Harrow Council.

The park was originally part of the grounds of an eighteenth century mansion called Warren House.

The history of Warren House dates back over 200 years. In the 1700's, the land owner at the time, Henry James Brydges - Earl of Carnarvon and first Duke of Chandos, built a substantial Manor House property and owned the nearby Dower house and Bowling Green house. The main entrance to the house was from Stanmore hill but is now Wood Lane.
 

Warren House was originally a small scale cottage for the warrener, an obsolete term today meaning a person employed to supply rabbits for the Lord of the Manor, to take care of game and wildlife and also a general bailiff.

 In 1714 the rabbit warren of Stanmore Common covered some 44 acres. Much later in the 18th century however The warren developed into a large rambling house by Henry James Brydges - Earl of Carnarvon and first Duke of Chandos,as detailed above.

Warren House - Photograph of Warren House borrowed from

Stanmore Tourist Board.org.uk

In time the Manor house was sold off by trustees of the Brydges family to pay off the debts of a contemporary Duke's son.

In 1780 James Forbes of the East India Company, purchased part of the estate of the second duke of Chandos which included Warren house Dower house and Cloisters wood and had adorned the grounds with the first pieces of Hindu sculpture to be seen in England.

In 1937 it was acquired by Middlesex County Council and Harrow Urban District Council as public open space. It was later owned by the Greater London Council and transferred to the London Borough of Harrow in 1976. The presence of wild service trees and mature hornbeam shows that part of it is ancient woodland.

It is reported that the main plants in grassland areas are common bent and Yorkshire fog, with tufted hair grass in damp areas.

Stanmore Country Park woods

Also that the park has a diverse array of wildlife including Reeve's muntjac deer and red fox. There have also been reported sighting of Badgers, Weasel and even wild boar in the park although these "sightings" are unconfirmed.

Bird life is also abundant within the park which contains several members of the tit family, blackbirds, magpies and crows. The park also is home to tawny owls, buzzards and sparrowhawks.
 

 Returning to our walk ,we continue on the left loop until we have almost circumnavigated the circuit, and we come to a pathway on the left that passes over a stream by way of a small wooden bridge. We leave the woods  and climb up a fairly steep path through thick grasslands until we reach  a wider  path.   At this stage we can look back and take in a view that reveals just how thickly wooded the area comprising the country park is.

Viewpoint

Continue left on to the wider path through open grassland and shrubs and continue to climb until you reach the top of the escarpment.

This wide open space is known as Wood Farm, and from a viewing platform situated at a seating area, magnificent views of Harrow, Stanmore, the whole of the London basin and the distant Surrey hills are available.

Wood Farm comprises 59 acres of rough grass and scrub lying south of Wood Lane and has now been incorporated in to the Stanmore Country Park that is is situated adjacent to.

View from Wood Farm

The acres of Wood Farm were formerly used as a pig farm and then as a landfill site but have been transformed by moving earth, planting trees and adding a layer of topsoil. There is a large pond  with abundant reeds and vegetation, although I am unaware as to any species of fish currently living in its waters.

From the top of Wood Farm, we take the left hand path and descend in a circular fashion until we pass back in to the woods of the country park. 

We now retrace our steps and enter the right loop pathway.   

This path takes us through heavily wooded terrain with numerous small paths running off in various directions. With Wood Lane open space to our left, at the eastern end of the park we encounter an ancient huge hole in the ground, which due to the tall trees and thick vegetation, you are not aware of until you are at its very edge. 

Known as Forty Acres Pit, the origins of this huge crater are hard to come by, although it is believed by some local historians that when the area was first settled, flints , chalk or clay may have been dug from the site for building materials. However, others believe that it was created in the1700's as a reservoir or pond, and formed part of a system supplying water to the nearby "Cannons Estate", the home of the Duke of Chandos.
 

Woods in Stanmore Country Park

Completing the right loop, we re-emerge at the entrance / exit site on Dennis Lane. We turn left and then left again on to Valencia Road, a private road with large expensive houses built in the 1920's and 30's. Some are in the Art Decor style and are very impressive. 

Passing these houses we encounter a junction with Kerry Road, which if we turn left will take us back in to the country park. However we turn right and descend the slight slope until we reach the junction with the London Road, opposite Stanmore London Underground Station. Turning right we proceed back towards the Broadway and the shops of Stanmore. 

We pass through the shopping area and arrive back at Old Church Lane, where we turn left towards Gordon Avenue.  However, we do not turn in to Gordon Avenue, but continue forward passing the site of the original Saxon Stanmore Church, which gives the road its name.

We turn right on to Wolverton Road, which is a dead end road, and continue to its end where we pass through an alley that brings us out on Belmont Lane, a road based on an ancient track that can be viewed on the earliest available maps of the area. 

Follow Belmont Lane to its junction with Wemborough Road and turn right. Continue to follow the road until the main road bears left but we continue straight on following Wemborough Road in to a cul de sac. 

At this stage we take a pathway that connects Wemborough Road to Vernon Drive. 

The pathway crosses the old "Rattler" railway that ran from Harrow and Wealdstone to Stanmore, and the disused track-way and embankment can still be seen, and has been turned in to a separate pathway that takes you to Belmont Circle.

We then continue along Vernon Drive, passing the entrance to the public footpath that climbs steeply and crosses Stanmore Golf course, the road becomes Mountside, and we continue forward until we reach the Duck in the Pond, where  you can rest your feet and enjoy a cold pint of lager or tipple of your choice.