COMMIE "LITTLE LEGS" PARKS IN MAYORAL CLASH WITH DRIVER CHARD

COMMIE "LITTLE LEGS" PARKS IN MAYORAL CLASH WITH DRIVER CHARD

COMMIE "LITTLE LEGS" PARKS

Diminutive plumber and part time lumberjack, Littler Legs Parks, has caused an outrage in the quiet gentrified suburbs of North West London, by challenging Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, acting President and Chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, for the office of Mayor.

The office of  "Mayor and Alderman of Middlesex" has been empty for over a hundred years due to the gradual absorption of the "Middle Saxon" county of Middlesex in to the metropolis of Greater London.

Recent events throughout Great Britain regarding political devolution to the various regions of the UK, have resulted in the re establishment of the post of  "Mayor and Alderman of Middlesex", and Driver Chard was believed to be the favourite candidate for the post.


However, Little Legs Parks has shocked the local electorate by revealing his candidacy as a fully paid up member of the Independent Communist Party of Rayner's Lane and Middlesex (ICPRLM).

 This recently created outpost of alleged Marxist, Turdoxian and Maoist opinion, has manifested itself throughout the suburban hinterland of the former fabled "Metroland", due to increased immigration, emigration and in particular, a massive influx of Eastern Europeans from former communist countries.

These peoples having settled here believing in the myth of an easy living under the UK's social benefit system, have discovered the reality of living in a crippled state, and now long for the former protection afforded by their former communist masters.

 Little Legs Parks has listened to these Eastern migrants as he employs them on sub minimum wages, whist attending to the damaged water pipes and cisterns of there multiple occupancy hovels and sub lets that they inhabit.Using his skills honed  as a minor electoral official under the 1960's socialist Wilson government, he has gathered about him a large electoral college of voters who are willing to place their future in his large calloused and nicotine stained, muscular bear like hands.

It has been proposed that the new post of Mayor and Alderman of Middlesex will enable the Mayor to collect various tithes and benefices from the local populace, in particular will be able to charge an additional Community charge on those households with more than one vehicle (holder of office excluded), more than eight letters in there surname and also those with an income in excess of fifty thousand pounds or property worth in excess of four hundred thousand pounds.

Little Legs Parks has set within his manifesto a promise to redistribute theses funds to the Eastern European plague swarming the forests and open spaces of Middlesex, although he has withheld his true intention to  utilise the funds by establishing a  string of cut price massage parlours and brothels, utilising and specialising in those of a diminutive stature, throughout his constituency.

Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff has sworn to oppose the diminutive plumber and after obtaining details of his plan to operate a string of PORG massage parlours and brothels for people of restricted growth, has avowed to die rather allow the diminutive plinbers parlous plan to succeed. 

A full meeting of the "Mayoral and Alderman" sub section of the Duck Flat Cap Society debating sub committee will take place next Wednesday, when both Driver Chard and Commie "Little Legs Parks" will  put forward their amended manifesto's for approval or dismissal, of a request for a DFCS political donation and continued funding.

Further details will be leaked in due course.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020



 

APOCALYPSE DUCK

APOCALYPSE DUCK

Whilst browsing through an old black and white Egyptian edition of Picture Post, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, acting President and Chairperson off the Duck Flat Cap Society, noticed and article detailing an archaeological excavation in Megiddo, Palestine.

The article described the uncovering of am elaborately engraved marble manuscript that detailed the destruction of the world by a midget Antichrist in an episode to be known as the Apocalypse.

Intrigued by this article Driver Chard took to his I Pad and was soon searching for entries relating to the destruction of the earth and the end of time, and soon noticed the similarity of the inscription on the marble tablet to that of the christian Bible's"The Book of Revelation".

His further searching soon revealed that the site of the archaeological dig in Megiddo, was also known as Armageddon, which is associated throughout the modern world with the end of time.




Fuelled with this information, Driver Chard went about his urgent business of revealing to the world that he had located the Antichrist in North West London, and that the end of time was immanent.

His fervour further kindled by his belief that Little Legs Parks, an associate member of the Duck Flat Cap Society, was the Antichrist, as revealed by his "666" tattoo located on his left buttock and allegedly repeated on his right testicle.

At a recent meeting of the Duck Flat Cap Society "Revelations and Apocalypse" sub committee, Little legs Parks was cross examined regarding his alleged tattoo's , and after a thorough examination by the societies medic, ex military hard man and sexologist Basher Hurley, it was suggested that the alleged markings were a side effect of his long term affliction, previously described as "Mad Albert Disease", but known to history as "St Benedict's Fire", "Repdigit palindromic syndrome" or "the Devils mark".




Faced with this evidence, the sub committee reported that Little Legs Parks was indeed the Antichrist, and immediately had his associated membership revoked and was fined two guineas and a removed from the society Golfing society for eighteen months.
However, "Little Legs Parks" is set to appeal this decision and has employed failed lady's man and karaoke singer "Ray the Dust" to represent him at the appeal hearing.

In view of this decision, Driver Chard has downloaded sufficient software and apps to his Tablet computer so as to enable the disgruntled octogenarian martinet to broadcast regular hourly bulletins across the radio waves of Britain, warning of the impending Apocalypse at the hand of the diminutive plumber "Little Legs Parks".



His hourly rantings are broadcast from his humble home in North West London, and The Duck In the Pond, via an associates Ham radio set and affiliated radio mast. The hourly broadcasts of :

   "Good morning/day/evening/ night  Britain.... the end is nigh, seek and destroy the Antichrist Little Legs Parks.." 

have started to take a grave toll on Driver Chard's health.

He can be seen sat at his usual seat at the DFCS HQ, unshaven and wearing his full Fulham FC football kit, flat cap and furled umbrella at his side, whilst foaming at the mouth and sipping pints of best British bitter.

His face is a constant puce with beads of hot sweat cascading down his deeply creased face. Due to the excessive stress placed upon Driver Chard's attempt to save the world from the Apocalypse, he has agreed to temporarily stand down from his leadership of the Duck Flat Cap Society, and his position has been taken by "Mad Laurence the Drive" who will be assisted in his duties by Dave "Duck" and the Duck Umpalumpas. 

Further details of the "End of Time" will be detailed later..............................unless..........!

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020