THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY AND THE BOLIVAR SCHOOL OF REVOLUTIONARY TACTICS AND THERMAL DYNAMICS

THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY AND THE BOLIVAR SCHOOL OF REVOLUTIONARY TACTICS AND THERMAL DYNAMICS

Driver Chard has shocked the members of the Duck Flat Cap Society by revealing that he has secretly enrolled a revolutionary band of ex military pensioners, whose sole purpose is to undermine the governments of western Europe and north America. 

This revelation came about whilst the cantankerous senile old timer was debating the Duck Flat Cap Societies position regarding the size of the fiscal rebate due from the EU.

The rebate, amounting to 100 million barrels of Real Ale and 20 million bushels of Hops and Barley, was originally secured to safeguard the societies position as the number one imbibing society in western Europe, against the threat posed by the  agricultural drinking societies and unions in France and the low countries. 

These French communist backed societies have existed since the French Revolution and were originally provided with a luxurious stipend by Robespierre and this was further increased by Napoleon Bonaparte during his wars against the coalition consisting of The Empires of Great Britain, Austria/Hungry and Russia, together with a confederation of the remaining states wishing to be free of French control.

This benefit remained after the defeat of France by Wellington and Blucher, and has constantly been renegotiated with each new Republic, and was further enshrined in to European and French law by the Maastricht treaty in 1992 .

However, the Duck Flat Cap Society has remained a beneficiary of a rebate originally negotiated by the Prime Minister when Great Britain originally entered the EEC, and this concession has been vigorously defended throughout the nations membership of the community.


 Indeed although the rest of Europe , headed by the Frogs have regularly attempted to dilute this rebate, all attempts have failed to date due to the threat of British Football hooliganism being perilously exported to Paris and other frog cities and towns if the rebate is diluted or tampered with in any way.

Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff has spent the last three months touring the length and breadth of the United Kingdom recruiting pensioners from local British Legion clubs Mental Homes and Retirement Homes.

 
The resourceful acting President and Charmain of the DFCS has promised full membership of the Duck Flat Cap Society, and the opportunity to bash the frogs from France with impunity, as an enticement to join his rag tag renegade brigade of false toothed knee knockers. 

 A full season ticket to Fulham F.C. has also been arranged as part of the package.


To date, the raging lunatic claims to have  raised sufficient numbers for ten divisions, and the full mobilisation of his troops are taking place over the Christmas holidays. It is rumoured that a fully mechanised wheelchair and Bath chair division has already been set up in Yorkshire, and that they are ready to seize control of York Minster during the Christmas mass on 25th December.



From these humble beginnings, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff resolves to take the position of Field Marshall of Europe and be at the head of a full frontal assault on the beaches of Normandy, via which ever cross channel ferries are available with the appropriate ramps for wheel chair access.   



Driver Chard then plans to march, or rather wheel the way to Paris where he proposes to Liberate the French capital and revoke all the licenses of the communist backed agricultural drinking societies and threaten to abolish them unless they affiliate themselves to the Duck Flat Cap Society, with Driver Chard recognised as their de facto President.

By the time  Her Chard had finished describing his master plan, the remaining members of the fiscal and EC sub committee had arranged for an ambulance to restrain the now foaming at the mouth octogenarian, and soon he was  route to the local rest home drugged up to the eyeballs with a 40/60 solution of heroin and Best bitter.

Further details will be released in due course after further consultation with the societies lawyers.



R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY THREATENS TO SHUT DOWN UK OPERATION AS TAX SCANDEL OUTRAGE HITS MEMBERSHIP

DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY THREATENS TO SHUT DOWN UK OPERATION AS TAX SCANDAL OUTRAGE HITS MEMBERSHIP.

Driver Chard has threatened to terminate the membership of all members of the Duck Flat Cap Society in view of the the recent spate of tax scandals enveloping the UK.

At a recent full meeting of the "Tax, Subscriptions and Procrastination" sub committee, acting President and Chairman,  Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, blew a gasket as he debated the current sad state of affairs whilst wearing a khaki safari jacket and orange bowler hat, waving a scarlet umbrella above his white head, and smoking a Moroccan cheroot.   

As the old timer stood at the committee table he waived a white sheet of paper in his left hand proclaiming that after a meeting at the high chancellery with the Chancellor of the  Exchequer, Winston Churchill, the  Prime Minister, Prince Von Metternich and Her Hitler, he believed that he had obtained the upper hand in the simmering Tax War and had achieved peace in our time.  

As the trembling octogenarian sat down at his seat, the committee rose to their feet and gave three cheers accompanied by ten minutes of thunderous applause.
 
 However their was one dissenter, who whilst seated at the end of the table was in the most part obscured from general view, but as the applause drew to an end and the members regained their seats it was clear that the northern agitator "Dave the Teach" rejected the Chairman's stance.

He was ashen faced and had remained silent and seated throughout the riotous reception received by the fragile and ruddy faced octogenarian Chard. 

The slight figure of Dave the Teach slowly rose to his feet, and as he wrapped his knuckles against the wooden table to gain attention he simultaneously removed his black beret and place a replica Beretta on the table next to squashed packet of woodbine.

At first his voice was quite but firm , but gradually rose in tone and temperament, until he was shrieking at the top of his voice that the Northern League would never surrender to the communist red bellied faction that he believed Driver Chard supported and represented.

He removed his black donkey jacket to reveal a baseball bat strapped to his back, and a stretchy "s buckle" scouts belt acting as a make weight holster for a rusty six inch fish knife. 

The scene was set for a momentous upheaval in the societies make up and well being, but at that precise moment the last bell rang and all and sundry suddenly stopped and turned to the bar. Within minutes the meeting had broken up with Driver Chard revealing he had to go home for his supper consisting of a slither of pork pie and farmyard pickle, and the remaining ensemble, including Dave the Teach, purchasing their final beverages of the evening.

As a side note it was agreed that the societies Tax affairs would be discussed and the next meeting after a games of shuffleboard and pitch and toss, and details will be relayed to the reader in due course. 


 

THE GEIGER SANCTION

THE GEIGER SANCTION

 

Driver Chard, acting President and Chairman of the "Duck Flat Cap Society", has requested that each member of the society is checked for radiation on entering the Duck.

He further insists that all random interlopers wishing to imbibe or feast within the premises are subject to the same rigorous testing regime, with an additional need for a full anti biological warfare shower to be taken in the car park prior to entry to the premises.  

This is due to his recent viewing of a documentary on satellite TV that revealed that radiation permeates from certain bedrock.
 
The bedrock in question was situated in Devon and Cornwall in south west England, approximately three hundred miles from the seat of the Duck Flat Cap Society, but this small detail did not deter Driver Chard.

The fact that Harrow Weald and indeed most of London sits on a couple of hundred feet of thick river sediment known as London Clay, with no volcanic granite or other igneous rock within three hundred miles, was of no significance to the voiciforous old timer. 

Indeed, Driver Chard standing in the centre of the public house, foaming at the mouth and holding his crouch with both red blotched hands, was so incensed that his thoughts had not been anticipated by fellow imbibers and members, that he quickly drained two pints of best bitter in one frustrated gulp. 
 
The evening after the documentary, Driver Chard entered the Duck wearing a full radiation suite and deerstalker whilst clutching a Geiger counter to his chest.

   

 Attached to his back was a six foot samurai sword, which he proclaimed he was going to use on any member of the public who did not take the appropriate precautions to protect themselves from the leaking radiation.  His feet were clad in radiation grade rubber boots and his hands covered in similar rubber gloves.

 In fact, if it wasn't for the Fulham F.C scarves wrapped around his scrawny neck, and the "Help Me" sign around his neck, there would have been no clue that the cantankerous octogenarian silver haired Driver Chard resided within the rubber and plastic luminous yellow cocoon.

The full D.F.C.S "Radiation, Procrastination and Imbibing" sub-committee are to meet shortly to discuss Driver Chard's directives, and to debate whether the level of medication being administered to the stark raving mad acting chairman and president is sufficient to prevent a further outbreak of the clearly debilitating "Mad Albert Disease".   

Further details will be released in due course, subject to the deliberations and agreement of the Flat Cap Society.  


R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020