THE GEIGER SANCTION
This is due to his recent viewing of a documentary on satellite TV that revealed that radiation permeates from certain bedrock.
The bedrock in question was situated in Devon and Cornwall in south west England, approximately three hundred miles from the seat of the Duck Flat Cap Society, but this small detail did not deter Driver Chard.
The fact that Harrow Weald and indeed most of London sits on a couple of hundred feet of thick river sediment known as London Clay, with no volcanic granite or other igneous rock within three hundred miles, was of no significance to the voiciforous old timer.
Indeed, Driver Chard standing in the centre of the public house, foaming at the mouth and holding his crouch with both red blotched hands, was so incensed that his thoughts had not been anticipated by fellow imbibers and members, that he quickly drained two pints of best bitter in one frustrated gulp.
The evening after the documentary, Driver Chard entered the Duck wearing a full radiation suite and deerstalker whilst clutching a Geiger counter to his chest.
Driver Chard, acting President and Chairman of the "Duck Flat Cap Society", has requested that each member of the society is checked for radiation on entering the Duck.
He further insists that all random interlopers wishing to imbibe or feast within the premises are subject to the same rigorous testing regime, with an additional need for a full anti biological warfare shower to be taken in the car park prior to entry to the premises.
He further insists that all random interlopers wishing to imbibe or feast within the premises are subject to the same rigorous testing regime, with an additional need for a full anti biological warfare shower to be taken in the car park prior to entry to the premises.
This is due to his recent viewing of a documentary on satellite TV that revealed that radiation permeates from certain bedrock.The bedrock in question was situated in Devon and Cornwall in south west England, approximately three hundred miles from the seat of the Duck Flat Cap Society, but this small detail did not deter Driver Chard.
The fact that Harrow Weald and indeed most of London sits on a couple of hundred feet of thick river sediment known as London Clay, with no volcanic granite or other igneous rock within three hundred miles, was of no significance to the voiciforous old timer.
Indeed, Driver Chard standing in the centre of the public house, foaming at the mouth and holding his crouch with both red blotched hands, was so incensed that his thoughts had not been anticipated by fellow imbibers and members, that he quickly drained two pints of best bitter in one frustrated gulp.
The evening after the documentary, Driver Chard entered the Duck wearing a full radiation suite and deerstalker whilst clutching a Geiger counter to his chest.
Attached to his back was a six foot samurai sword, which he proclaimed he was going to use on any member of the public who did not take the appropriate precautions to protect themselves from the leaking radiation. His feet were clad in radiation grade rubber boots and his hands covered in similar rubber gloves.
In fact, if it wasn't for the Fulham F.C scarves wrapped around his scrawny neck, and the "Help Me" sign around his neck, there would have been no clue that the cantankerous octogenarian silver haired Driver Chard resided within the rubber and plastic luminous yellow cocoon.
The full D.F.C.S "Radiation, Procrastination and Imbibing" sub-committee are to meet shortly to discuss Driver Chard's directives, and to debate whether the level of medication being administered to the stark raving mad acting chairman and president is sufficient to prevent a further outbreak of the clearly debilitating "Mad Albert Disease".
Further details will be released in due course, subject to the deliberations and agreement of the Flat Cap Society.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
In fact, if it wasn't for the Fulham F.C scarves wrapped around his scrawny neck, and the "Help Me" sign around his neck, there would have been no clue that the cantankerous octogenarian silver haired Driver Chard resided within the rubber and plastic luminous yellow cocoon.
Further details will be released in due course, subject to the deliberations and agreement of the Flat Cap Society.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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