COMMUNIST OUTRAGE AT THE DUCK !

COMMUNIST OUTRAGE AT THE DUCK !

Regulars at the Duck were outraged the other evening when "Chelsea Dave Duck" a fully paid up member of "The Duck Flay Cap Society" was spotted in Communist attire.

"Chelsea Dave Duck" has allegedly been influenced by fellow flat cap wearers, ex SAS and SBS military hard man "Basher Hurley" and the elusive norther agitator "Dave the Teach", both suspected members of the northern English subversive group the "Ekee Thump Brigade".

"Dave the Teach", whose recent unexplained absence from "Duck Flat Cap Society" conference meetings may be due to clandestine meetings overseas with "Ekee Thump Brigade" sympathisers from the Communist Peoples Republic of China. In the same vein, "Basher Hurley" has recently been suspected of trying to infiltrate subversive communist Flat Cap wearing groups in Northern Ireland.

It is unfortunate to note that the head gear of "Chelsea Duck" in a recently released photograph, appears to indicate an allegiance to the Chinese Communist regime !.

A meeting of the full "Consumption and Etiquette Committee" of the "Duck Flat Cap Society" is due to take place next Sunday, and Honorary ex Chairman "Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff" is sure to take a hard line when interrogating "Chelsea Dave Duck". It is well known that the respected but aging Egyptian Desert veteran "Driver Chard" is not happy with some of the clothing worn by certain members of the Society, and he has been known to censor members for there shoddy attire.

He was less than impressed by the recent wearing of a revolutionary black leather coat, black Sailor cap and "telnyashka" shirt with white and blue stripes by "Dave the Teach". The Chard was further outraged by the diminutive plumber "Little legs Parkes" wearing a Red Bandanna and sandals at the last Golf Society picnic.

A further report will be posted after Sundays meeting.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

"BASHER HURLEY" GO'S UNDERCOVER !

"BASHER HURLEY" GO'S UNDERCOVER !

Ex military hard man and "Duck Flat Cap Society" regular "Basher Hurley", has allegedly been on a special ops mission to Northern Ireland to infiltrate local groups of flat cap wearers.

His mission, although highly secrete, has been suspected by other members of the Consumption committee of the Duck Flat Cap Society due to his recent regular vocal lapses in to the brogue vernacular of Ulster.

This was at first put down to a nervous tick, but as the days passed it began to be increasingly apparent that something was afoot !. Basher Hurley's known association with the northern breakaway group known as the "Ekee Thump Brigade" is thought to be behind his recent sorties to the land of the giants causeway, under the direction of his increasingly elusive fellow northern compatriot "Dave the Teach".

Reports allegedly obtained by the honorary president of the Duck Flat Cap Golfing Society "Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff" via his contacts in MI5 and MI6 proved that the Ekee Thump Brigade are trying to extend their influence across the Irish sea from there established bases in the Duchy Of Lancaster and Walney Island, Barrow.

We currently await further news and the Duck Flat Cap Society will continue to monitor the semi inebriate Basher for further lapses in to the broad brogue of the Ulsterman.

Updates will be posted only when encryption is safely established and infiltration of the communications network has been securely established. 

DAVE "THE TEACH" IN ALIEN ABDUCTION RIDDLE !!

DAVE "THE TEACH" IN ALIEN ABDUCTION RIDDLE !!

Dave the Teach, Duck regular and founding father of the "Ekee Thump Brigade", has been reported missing by fellow members of the "Duck Flat Cap Society".

When last seen, the former Professor of life was in high spirits and seemed untroubled. However. he had earlier mentioned that he was to carry out a supervisory role with regards a proposed educational visit to the Peak District, most dismissed this as bravado brought on by over consumption of the grape !.

At first the Imbibing Committee of the Duck Flat Cap society were not put back by the Teaches continued absence from committee meetings, believing that the rumored trip to the Peaks may be true.

However as the days passed the committee have began to consider other reasons for the prolonged absence, and Alien Abduction has reared its ugly head.
The Teach is known to have dabbled with the supernatural and the occult, and has confided to fellow northern Flat Capper "Basher Hurley " that he believed he had been visited in the night by non human entities otherwise known as Aliens.

These thoughts were at first considered by Basher Hurley to be the mutterings of an unhinged inebriated ex schoolmaster, but after some considerable cogitation, he and the other committee members are of the opinion that Abduction in one form or the other may be the true reason for his absence.

Of course, he must just be recovering from the mother of all hangovers or be under house arrest, imposed by the charming Mrs Teach !!!

WE AWAIT HIS RETURN TO DISCOVER THE TRUTH, BECAUSE APPARENTLY , IT IS OUT THERE !

"EL RAY THE DUST" IN ALLEGED BUST UP WITH STICKY RICKY !

"EL RAY THE DUST" IN ALLEGED BUST UP WITH STICKY RICKY !

News is reaching the committee that the aging cockney pub singer "Ray the Dust" has allegedly been involved with a "dust up" with famous Benidorm performer "Sticky Ricky".

Apparently after a number of glasses of strong liqueur, The Dust decided that the urge to perform "Mustang Sally" was too great to hold back and he suddenly sprang from his chair and allegedly scrambled on to the stage upon which Sticky Ricky was performing.

The Dust quickly removed his shirt and grabbing a nearby mic began the standard painful rendition of his former classic croon " Mustang Sally". Allegedly,Sticky Ricky, recoiling from the fleshy man boobs that were gyrating next to him, eventually managed to man handle the Dust from the stage, where he was allegedly apprehended by the local police.

Allegedly, after a night in the cells, the Dust returned to his hotel to allegedly find that a representative of the aging Benidorm showman was waiting for him, and it is alleged but not confirmed that a deal is being proposed where the Dust will be offered free entrance to his shows provided he agrees not to interrupt his performance or ever attempt to sing within 500 meters of one of his shows.

The Dust is currently considering his next move, and we await further details !!!

SOMBALISTIC EX MATINEE IDOL “RAY THE DUST” FLEES COUNTRY TO COSTA DEL CRIME

SOMBALISTIC EX MATINEE IDOL “RAY THE DUST” FLEES COUNTRY TO COSTA DEL CRIME

Rotund failed karaoke singer "Ray the Dust", who recently underwent a senile moment at the Duck, has fled to the Costa Del crime to recharge his ailing batteries.

Reports have reached the this blogger that although the Dust is resting in the Andalusian sun, he is still hallucinatory and believes that the temperature is in the mid 30's although in reality no more than 16 degrees Celsius. This sad delusion is another sad reflection on the recent demise of this once great pub and club singer.

It is striking to note that the Dust has retreated to a location only a few miles from his former Karaoke stamping grounds in seedy Benidorm. One can only hope that he does not try to make yet another comeback by way of attempting to sing his one time favourite "Mustang Sally" as his last attempt at this song ended in his being forcefully ejected from the last seedy karaoke bar that would accept his croaking voice.

It is hoped that the rest that the Dust is receiving, far away from the evil influence of the dwarf like "Pepe Le Puke" , will recharge his batteries and help relieve the somalistic ennui that hangs about his countenance.

“RAY THE DUST” FINALLY CRACKS !!

“RAY THE DUST” FINALLY CRACKS !!

Fading pub singer “Ray the Dust” has been spotted in a local hostelry looking dazed and confused whilst seated in a quite corner of the pub.

The sad ex crooner, had a glazed look in his eyes and had placed a soiled handkerchief upon his thinning scalp. This attempt to hide his receding hairline, mirrors recent disastrous attempts at colouring his hair and the failed experiment of thickening his thatch with gluttonous amounts of hair gel.

The mental state of the Dust has been worrying his refuse collection colleague and buddy, the miniscule but overweight “Pepe Le Puke” for some time. His views have recently been made known to the “Duck Flat Cap society”, who have been monitoring the situation on a weekly basis.

It is thought that the final straw for the "Dust" was the recent realisation that he was not going to sing at the forthcoming Royal Wedding, and that previous delusions that he as to attend were all in his alcohol fuddled mind.

Medical reports suggest that a prolonged stay at a mental asylum may be the only cure for the overweight befuddled buffoon, and it is rumoured that appropriate accommodation has been located at a coastal location on the "costa del crime" in south east Spain, and his safe removal to this destination is thought to be in course.

Further details will be released as soon as an updating report is received from the Spanish Mental Health authorities.