RAY THE DUST IN SUMO SENSATION
The recent bout of progressive gout, brought on by the Dusts rich and unhealthy diet, did nothing to slow down his progressive fall in to obesity, although it did once again give the work shy "Dust", another opportunity to abstain from work.
It should be noted that recent lapses by "Ray the Dust" in to incoherent gobbledygook, followed by placing a handkerchief on his head , are a by product of the gout reacting with his under the counter erectile deficiency medication.
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| RAY THE DUST |
Failed Karaoke singer and former part time Dust Cart operative, "Ray the Dust", has surprised his family and friends by revealing that he is in training to be Great Britain's sole entrant in next years World Sumo Games.
The somnambulist pub singer has been progressively gaining weight for a number of years, due to his excessive eating habits and total lack of exercise.
These factors have been exaggerated by his consumption of gallons of alcohol, including all kinds of ales, beers and spirits.
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| RAY THE DUST |
The recent bout of progressive gout, brought on by the Dusts rich and unhealthy diet, did nothing to slow down his progressive fall in to obesity, although it did once again give the work shy "Dust", another opportunity to abstain from work.
It should be noted that recent lapses by "Ray the Dust" in to incoherent gobbledygook, followed by placing a handkerchief on his head , are a by product of the gout reacting with his under the counter erectile deficiency medication.
The Duck Flat Cap Society (DFCS) have recently obtained reports from a trusted ex council employee, who was dismissed for working to hard, that confirm that during a short period over a summer, he shadowed the ageing failed crooner, whilst he drove his dust cart throughout the streets of Harrow.
His observations are as to be expected, and confirm that the overweight failed Karaoke singer has been in secret training for the Sumo fest for the last 12 months, consuming three times his body weight on a daily basis.
His high fat diet has included a daily routine of three full English breakfasts and 12 rounds of toast prior to starting his part time shift as a refuse executive and 15 big macs with fries at tea break. This excessive breakfast and mid morning snack, is then followed by a selection of evening roast beef and lamb meals, and numerous ice ream and fudge deserts.
Each of these meals is also followed by the staple Dust diet of Beer , Cider and spirits. Finally, before he retires to his reinforced bed, a snack of beef dripping sandwiches and full fat milk, is consumed.
The DFCS has also obtained further evidence that the recent collapse of the Dusts Karaoke and Pub singing activities have effected the mind set of the apprentice Sumo wrestler, and this has manifested its self in a recent outbreak of "Pub rage" when the Dust assaulted his fellow garbage operative, Pepe Le Puke .
The ageing but bulky Dust threw his full body weight at his diminutive colleague, resulting in the unlucky Pepe Le Puke having to use all his agility and guile to avoid a full blow from the outraged Dust.
The Dust was soon calmed down by Big "Red" Malcolm who rapidly took control of the situation by boring the Dust with conversation about how Liverpool could still win the Premier League title together with the FA cup. It is worthy to note at this point that Big "Red" Mal is also believed to be in training for the Sumo Fest, but these reports are unconfirmed to date.
The DFCS is to interview the Dust at the earliest opportunity to gain confirmation of these events, and it it is confirmed that the Dust is to represent Great Britain at next years event, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif and Bazza the Gravedigger have proposed that a levy be place on the monthly membership subscriptions so that additional food can be purchase to enable the Dust to continue to bulk up to the required critical mass for the event.
Further details will be published here in due course.
His high fat diet has included a daily routine of three full English breakfasts and 12 rounds of toast prior to starting his part time shift as a refuse executive and 15 big macs with fries at tea break. This excessive breakfast and mid morning snack, is then followed by a selection of evening roast beef and lamb meals, and numerous ice ream and fudge deserts.
Each of these meals is also followed by the staple Dust diet of Beer , Cider and spirits. Finally, before he retires to his reinforced bed, a snack of beef dripping sandwiches and full fat milk, is consumed.
The DFCS has also obtained further evidence that the recent collapse of the Dusts Karaoke and Pub singing activities have effected the mind set of the apprentice Sumo wrestler, and this has manifested its self in a recent outbreak of "Pub rage" when the Dust assaulted his fellow garbage operative, Pepe Le Puke .
The ageing but bulky Dust threw his full body weight at his diminutive colleague, resulting in the unlucky Pepe Le Puke having to use all his agility and guile to avoid a full blow from the outraged Dust.
The Dust was soon calmed down by Big "Red" Malcolm who rapidly took control of the situation by boring the Dust with conversation about how Liverpool could still win the Premier League title together with the FA cup. It is worthy to note at this point that Big "Red" Mal is also believed to be in training for the Sumo Fest, but these reports are unconfirmed to date.
The DFCS is to interview the Dust at the earliest opportunity to gain confirmation of these events, and it it is confirmed that the Dust is to represent Great Britain at next years event, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif and Bazza the Gravedigger have proposed that a levy be place on the monthly membership subscriptions so that additional food can be purchase to enable the Dust to continue to bulk up to the required critical mass for the event.
Further details will be published here in due course.
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