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| RAY THE DUST |
Former pub singer, failed Karaoke singer and part time Dust cart operative, “Ray the Dust” has shocked the Duck Flat Cap Society (DFCS) by revealing previously unknown links to the notorious Kray Brothers crime syndicate.
The ageing, overweight somnambulistic lothario, has finally released documentary evidence that links him to a previously unknown crime ring headede by the Krays, operating in Croydon and Brighton. "Ray the Dust" was a key operative in an operation that procured danger money from a string of Wimpey bars, hairdressers and amusement arcades located across southern England.
The Dust would call on the sad intimidated operators of the various establishments on his old second hand, rust ridden Vespa scooter, collecting revenue for onward transmission to the Kray’s headquarters in London’s East End. Although the Dust was understandadly considered a lightweight by those who he extorted hard earned cash from, he was protected from their outrage by the menace of the master thugs whom he worked for.
On more than one occasion the always overweight and slow witted “Ray the Dust” was targeted by the law, in particular when he stole a bright yellow scooter from the Brighton sea front, so as to make good an escape after robbing the local Biafra emergency collection centre.
Whilst attempting to flee the chasing mark 2 Jaguar police car, the dust managed to throw the charitable collection in to the back of a passing dust cart, before crashing the bright yellow banana scooter and damaging his foot in the process.
The Dust was subsequently interviewed by the local constabulary, but deemed to unremarkable to be responsible for any crime other than stealing the scooter, and released to return to Croydon on the next available train.
The Dust was subsequently fined 10 Shilling and had 3 points added to his fake provisional Isle of Man driving licence.Thus began Ray the Dusts long association with the old bill, damaged feet and a love of dust carts.
Although no full criminal record was recorded against the Dust, the incident with the law has continued to embarrass the portly crooner throughout his eventful life.
This mainly manifesting its ugly self when arriving at check ins at airports and a timely computer check of his passport reveals his criminal past, embarrassing the Dust and delaying all in his party.
Returning to his former life of extortion and crime, the dust continued his seedy life of criminality, until one weekend whilst staying at the Bognar Regis Butlins Holiday camp, and during a heavy thunder storm the dust was encouraged by an over active Red Coat to sing a medley of Andy Williams, Perry Como and Val Doonican songs to a sad captive audience of Junior Beavers.
Falsely encouraged by his weak performance the Dust began to miss the regular gang meetings as all his time was taken up in back street pubs and clubs singing Mat Munroe and Perry Como cover versions, in particular " Hoop Dee Doo".
Before long Ray the Dust was banned from all the clubs and pubs in the area with the exception of Croydon Odeon, which allowed him to sing at Saturday morning pictures.
The rest is now history with the Dust singing his way across the Karaoke bars of Britain and Europe sending both himself and his audience to an early slumber.
Although no full criminal record was recorded against the Dust, the incident with the law has continued to embarrass the portly crooner throughout his eventful life.
This mainly manifesting its ugly self when arriving at check ins at airports and a timely computer check of his passport reveals his criminal past, embarrassing the Dust and delaying all in his party.
Returning to his former life of extortion and crime, the dust continued his seedy life of criminality, until one weekend whilst staying at the Bognar Regis Butlins Holiday camp, and during a heavy thunder storm the dust was encouraged by an over active Red Coat to sing a medley of Andy Williams, Perry Como and Val Doonican songs to a sad captive audience of Junior Beavers.
Falsely encouraged by his weak performance the Dust began to miss the regular gang meetings as all his time was taken up in back street pubs and clubs singing Mat Munroe and Perry Como cover versions, in particular " Hoop Dee Doo".
Before long Ray the Dust was banned from all the clubs and pubs in the area with the exception of Croydon Odeon, which allowed him to sing at Saturday morning pictures.
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| RAY THE DUST |
The rest is now history with the Dust singing his way across the Karaoke bars of Britain and Europe sending both himself and his audience to an early slumber.
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