MAGNUS INTERCURSUS SIGNED BETWEEN THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY MRS PATROON OF THE LOWER FIELDThe narcotics and Gun-running sub committee of the DFCS were celebrating yesterday as they signed a commercial treaty with Mrs Ignatius MacPatroon, owner of the fabled Lower and Upper fields situated at "The Village", for the supply of Heroin, Cocaine, Oil seed Rape, candle grease and Figs.
A further Magnus Intercursus has also been signed with Rosie Merryweather McSphincter , proprietor of "Rosie's Tea Shoppe and Nasal hair removal emporium", enabling the DFCS to market and sell Flat Caps at her delightful premises,which are conveniently situated adjacent to Mrs MacPatroon's upper field.
The societies Golf section are close to signing an additional agreement with Big Boy Magoo, who resides at Cherry Cottage, for the exclusive use of the village golf and skittles course during the forty eight hours surrounding the summer solstice, so that the societies annual thrash can take place. This event will take place along side the societies celebrations of the summer solstice at nearby Stonehenge and Avebury.
As usual, the solstice celebration will be attended by Loafing Smythe,a regular visitor to "The Village" who will lead proceeding after consuming the contents of the slop bucket at the local hostelry "The Plough and Condom", and parading through the village clothed in nothing bit his thickly knotted body hair and woad, until reaching the "Dog and Tampon" on hither side of the village, where another slop bucket is to be consumed in one almighty slurp.It is hoped that these magnanimous agreements, made between the Duck Flat Cap Society and the various inhabitants of "The Village" will lead to close contact and interaction, to the benefit of all parties.
It is indeed with pleasure that i can confirm a `twinning` of our two communities, may our association bring forth mutual benefits.
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