PYTHAGORAS THEOREM DEBUNKED BY DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

PYTHAGORAS THEOREM DEBUNKED BY DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

In an astonishing statement, the “mathematical, spiritual and subutteo” sub-committee of the Duck Flat Cap society have confirmed that they have no confidence in the mathematical rule known as  “Pythagoras Theorem”  and have removed all  reference to it from its published literature. 

Acting President and Chairman, “Dave the Duck” has revealed that after consulting various works by Julius Caesar, Attila the Hun, Confucius, Adolf Hitler and Galileo, former president and chairman “Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif” has come to the conclusion   that Pythagoras, allegedly long considered an alcoholic by Bohemian scholars, was drunk at the time he postulated his theory, and that there are in fact four sides to a triangle and not three, and should in fact be known as a quadrangle.

Driver Chard further bases his obtuse opinion on the fact that when viewed through a micron telescope, under the right conditions a fourth angle can be briefly viewed through smoked and scratched lenses after consuming sufficient narcotics and trance inducing frog slime. He also unconvincingly states that he has also allegedly repeated his tests utilising the Hubble Space Telescope, and has obtained the same results.

Driver Chard has support for his new theory from ex-refuse collector and failed karaoke singer, “Ray the Dust”. This corpulent, ageing and height deficient duo are ably supported to a lesser degree, by “Bazza the Gravedigger”, “Pepe Le Puke”, “Mad Mick the bet” and “Gary the Under-writer”. 

  

However, “Dave the Teach” and his fellow northern agitator, military hard –man and Falklands War veteran “Basher Hurley”, fervently disagree with the new theory put forward by their fellow brethren. 

“Little-Legs Parks” views in the matter have not been sought due to his continued incoherence brought on by a continuing debilitating bout of “Mad Albert Disease”, and to date, the “Deaf Club” and “Nick-Nick” have had nothing to say in the matter.

Their disagreement has allegedly resulted in a split at the debating table and unsubstantiated reports state that Dave the Teach has placed himself in self-imposed exile at a location believed to be in the south of France. Basher Hurley has himself been in a self-inflicted imbibing exclusion zone for a number of months and conducts all meeting remotely by way of sign language, incoherent gurgling, farting, burping and lip reading.

The executive and full committee of the society are to debate this complex matter with the “Imbibing and hard sums” sub-committee of the Bohemian League of Gentlemen (BLOG) in a few weeks and a further report will be posted in due course. 

In the interim period, there will be no talk of Pythagoras at the debating tables of both the DFCS and BLOG, and this will be harshly endorsed by the acting Chairman and President of the DFCS and the current "Whip-Holder General" of BLOG.  

Further updates in due course.