LITTLE LEGS PARKES IN SCANDAL AT THE HEIDELBERG AND WEALDSTONE INSTITUTE OF RECTAL SURGERY
Little Legs Parkes, former President and Chairman of the Duck Flat Society, recently stood down from his position at the helm of the society, due to alleged nefarious activities involving rectal surgery, lead piping and counterfeit Russian headgear.
It is alleged in unsubstantiated reports that the diminutive ageing ex pygmy smuggling plumber, has taken gardening leave whilst the societies "embezzling and wire fraud" sub committee investigate recent links with the Heidelberg and Wealdstone Institute of Rectal surgery and the International Federation of Flat Caps"IFCA".
Little Legs Parkes obtained temporary control of the society after the sudden and unexpected resignation of Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif, who has recently had his membership revoked by the "Membership and Snorkeling Sub-Committee" due to prolonged absence from the board table.
In view of the investigation in to Little Legs financial and sexual affairs, the Chairmanship and Presidency was transferred to Dave the Duck who currently retains the exalted position.
However, he has not been able to recover the chains of office which are believed to be stored in Driver Chard's downstairs toilet, and are suspected to be utilised as a luxurious toilet chain for flushing the old fashioned ceiling high cistern.
The recent appointments have been contested by "Dave the Teach", northern agitator and Tupperware magnate, known by some as the Ducks answer to Trotsky, and his occasional drinking and backgammon buddy, the failed karaoke singer and former lady's man "Ray the Dust".
Indeed, Ray the Dust contests the appointment of Dave the Duck to such an extent that he has invoked rule 101 of the Duck Flat Cap Societies rulebook, which compels each member involved in a dispute to imbibe 14 pints of honeyed mead within a time limit of 60 minutes whilst consuming 6 pints of jellied eels and a packet of yeast extract flavored pork scratchings.
The outcome of this contest was never in doubt, and after imbibing the required volume of sickly mead and consuming the eels and pork scratching, Dave the Duck and Ray the Dust were all transferred to Northwick Park Hospital for immediate surgery and resuscitation.
After a protracted stay in intensive care, the pair of intransigent contenders for the exalted title of "Chairman" have both been reinstated to the Board, and the position of Chairman will remain open until the full regalia is obtained from Driver Chard.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
Little Legs Parkes, former President and Chairman of the Duck Flat Society, recently stood down from his position at the helm of the society, due to alleged nefarious activities involving rectal surgery, lead piping and counterfeit Russian headgear.
It is alleged in unsubstantiated reports that the diminutive ageing ex pygmy smuggling plumber, has taken gardening leave whilst the societies "embezzling and wire fraud" sub committee investigate recent links with the Heidelberg and Wealdstone Institute of Rectal surgery and the International Federation of Flat Caps"IFCA".
Little Legs Parkes obtained temporary control of the society after the sudden and unexpected resignation of Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif, who has recently had his membership revoked by the "Membership and Snorkeling Sub-Committee" due to prolonged absence from the board table.
In view of the investigation in to Little Legs financial and sexual affairs, the Chairmanship and Presidency was transferred to Dave the Duck who currently retains the exalted position.
However, he has not been able to recover the chains of office which are believed to be stored in Driver Chard's downstairs toilet, and are suspected to be utilised as a luxurious toilet chain for flushing the old fashioned ceiling high cistern.
The recent appointments have been contested by "Dave the Teach", northern agitator and Tupperware magnate, known by some as the Ducks answer to Trotsky, and his occasional drinking and backgammon buddy, the failed karaoke singer and former lady's man "Ray the Dust".
Indeed, Ray the Dust contests the appointment of Dave the Duck to such an extent that he has invoked rule 101 of the Duck Flat Cap Societies rulebook, which compels each member involved in a dispute to imbibe 14 pints of honeyed mead within a time limit of 60 minutes whilst consuming 6 pints of jellied eels and a packet of yeast extract flavored pork scratchings.
The outcome of this contest was never in doubt, and after imbibing the required volume of sickly mead and consuming the eels and pork scratching, Dave the Duck and Ray the Dust were all transferred to Northwick Park Hospital for immediate surgery and resuscitation.
After a protracted stay in intensive care, the pair of intransigent contenders for the exalted title of "Chairman" have both been reinstated to the Board, and the position of Chairman will remain open until the full regalia is obtained from Driver Chard.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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