VILLAGE HISTORY MYSTERY

VILLAGE HISTORY MYSTERY

The village of Ripple is mentioned in the Domesday Book, and the church has Anglo Saxon foundations. Therefore the great age of the village is not under dispute, but it is quite striking to any one who cares to look, that the visual evidence of the antiquity of the village is largely missing.

Indeed, it is documented that the Romans passed by the village after their landing at nearby Walmer, and evidence of their earthworks can be found approximately a quarter off a mile north of the village church, on the ancient pathway towards present day Deal.

However, unlike the  adjacent villages of Greater Mongeham , Northbourne and  Ringwould, there are very few old buildings that have survived from periods earlier than seventeenth century.

The only surviving buildings that can attest to the ancient lineage of the village are from no earlier than the 1600 with the Plough public house, Ripple Farm, Ripple Vale House (now a school), the Rectory, Ripple Court, Cherry cottage and the Queen Anne style Ripple House being the only examples.  



Indeed, the church,St Mary's, normally the oldest building in an English village is in fact Victorian, although supposedly built on Anglo Saxon or Norman foundations.




Ripple Mill was originally in use as early as 1695 but the present Mill was brought from Hawkinge in approx 1810 having been built in 1769.

In particular, its very strange to note the  lack of any medieval buildings between the Plough public house and the church.


Presumably this would of originally been the center of the Village, but with the exception of the Church, which has been rebuilt, all be it on the foundations of a  Anglo Saxon Church, and the small cottage at the end of 19th century Portland Terrace, there are no truly old buildings. I say this assuming that the Manor House is the style of a French Chateaux next to the Rectory is of Queen Anne or similar age !.




This is strange, because the surrounding villages of Mongeham, Northbourne and Ringwould all have medieval structures !.

Furthermore, there is no information of the history of the fields that are situated behind the church graveyard, in particular at the summit of the hill / mound which is reached by walking directly up the footpath leading away from the churchyard gate.

Aerial photographs appear to identify the outline of ancient Round Houses on this site, although I have been unable to locate any artifacts or evidence on the ground !

"HELGA....BRING ME MY BEANS, FOR I AM THE LORD OF GREAT MONGEHAM, AND MY BELLY RUMBLES WITH RAGE"

"Helga....Bring me my beans, for I am the Lord of Great Mongeham, and my belly rumbles with rage"  

Documents recently allegedly obtained by associates of the Ripple, Walney and Sutton Thunderer, allege that there is a plan to re-flood the low lying land between Northbourne, Great Mongeham and the current sea defences at Deal, so as to recreate the early medieval landscape.

Up until the middle of the thirteenth century, sea vessels were able to navigate to the borders of Northbourne via an inlet of the sea that encroached inland covering the flat marshy area that is now drained by numerous gullies, drainage ditches and small rivers.

The alleged plan is to let the sea breach the current sea walls, and allow the channel to advance as far as the north east fields of Northbourne.

So as to assist with the re establishment of the tidal areas, a tunnel is allegedly currently being dug from the beach at Deal to the outskirts of Greater Mongeham, and will emerge just above the valley in which the Mongeham Road dissects the field en route from Ripple and meets with Ellens Road.

During the excavation of the tunnel archaeologists from the Kent and Flushing Archaeological society have unearthed a strange relic dating from Anglo Saxon times. The Amber relic is in the shape of a seated warrior and is inscribed with letters of an ancient Germanic alphabet that appears to read :-

 "Helga....Bring me my beans, for I am the Lord of Great Mongeham, and my belly rumbles with rage"  

Further details of the alleged flooding of the lowland between Great Mongeham and the sea will be reported in due course, together with further news of the "Helga Relic".

VILLAGE PUB IN GHOST OUTRAGE

VILLAGE PUB IN GHOST OUTRAGE

Unsubstantiated reports state that the villages of Ripple, Mongeham and Northbourne  have been in a quandary of late due to the recent alleged appearance of a ghost at a local pub.

The pub has been established for over three hundred years, and for a great number of those years was a thriving and busy establishment.

Though now only offering a relatively limited selection of cask and real ales, together with draught cider and lager,  the quality of the beer has remained of the highest class. And is retailed at a reasonable price.

The pub continues to attract many aficionados of real ale and good food, together with a selection of village locals who imbibe at their own pace, enjoying the solitude and good service offered by the ancient premises.

 In addition, excellent overnight accommodation is also offered to those who wish to stay. 

However, it is alleged that at a recent quiz evening the participants of the weekly contest were amazed to note the eerie presence of a  ghost like apparition resembling the countenance and body of the Duke Of Wellington.

The unsubstantiated rumors allege that the assembled quizzers spat out their pints in disbelief, as the ghostly apparition opened the side door to the pub, entered the bar and ghosted to a position behind the pumps. Without hesitation, the former Prime Minister and vanquisher of Napoleon, silently filled a tankard of Porter, and began to sip the dark liquid.  This being even more of a surprise as the establishment has not  supplied Porter for over 90 years.

The Duke quickly finished his beverage and motioning towards the door, vaulted over the bar counter and exclaimed that he was late for a meeting with the miller at Ripple Mill, and then for a late lunch at Walmer Castle, where he resided as Warden of the Cinque Ports.

It is further alleged, that at this the landlord of the pub grabbed the bell and rang the final bell abruptly ending the evenings entertainment, and ushering the assembled punters out of the door. The allegation goes on to reveal that the following days were awash with rumors that a hoax had taken place, and that a local villager with a grudge was playing tricks on the village pub and customers.

The rumor goes on to state that several days later, Artimus Greenbucket ran hurriedly in to the pub holding a book that he had borrowed from Deal library, pointing out a passage that revealed that during the Duke of Wellingtons residency at Walmer Castle, he would regularly ride across the fields to the pub to grab a quick pint before discussing trade with the miller at Ripple Mill. The assembled imbibers all nodded with a knowing manner and ushered Artimus to leave the premises and take his book with him.

It is further alleged that as the evenings preceding began to fade from the memory of the villagers, a thought crossed the mind of the publican, but was soon dismissed as unsound.

 He reportedly then ambled back behind the bar, lifted the hatch to the cellar and slowly descended the old steps. At the bottom he turned to his left and adjusted the gas on the lager barrel.

 He then opened a large chest revealing a red cape and tunic, together with an ancient scroll with the signature of Arthur Wellesley, aka The Duke of Wellington. The contents of the note describing his thanks for the pubs agreement to provide him with ale and supper when ever the duke was in the village, and dated 1832.
 
The report continues by alleging that with this revelation, and the truth of the previous evenings ghostly apparition starting to be clearer, he climbed the staircase to his bed and firmly shut the door behind him,  dreaming of the Iron Duke and future pub sales advancing at a rate that was never envisaged. 

As he rose in the morning, he felt he had to inspect the chest in the cellar, and upon visiting the chest, he was astonished to note that the clothing and parchment were missing, and his dreams of increased takings vanquished.

The unsubstantiated report ends with the allegation that his mind turned quickly to the next quiz and the hope that the Duke would appear again and attract more trade, although deep down believing that he was either loosing his mind or drinking too much of the slops !

DAVOS BREAKTHROUGH FOR THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

DAVOS BREAKTHROUGH FOR THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

In sensational but unsubstantiated news, the Duck Flat Cap Society has allegedly been invited to the World Economic Forum in Davos, a small town in the Swiss Alps, within the canton of Graubünden.

The popular winter sports resort with its conference centre that hosts the annual World Economic Forum is ablaze with rumour and gossip after an unsubstantiated press release by the” Barrow in Furness, St Petersburg and Ulan Bator Institute of Mastication”  stated that “Dave the Teach”, a failed Tupperware salesman and general roustabout, would head up the Duck Flat Cap Societies entourage at the global event.

The event that is to be visited by over 40 heads of state and government, as well as 2,500 leaders from business and society will discuss “Mastering the Fourth Industrial Revolution” under the themes of security, climate change, global growth and commodity prices.

It is believed that Dave the Teach is currently ensconced in a safe house located in the Provence area of France, where he has been in hiding from an enraged Driver Chard. This follows an unsavoury recent incident at the local Blood and Guts Services Rendered Club, where Driver Chard confronted Dave the Teach over his industrial language.

 It is alleged that the Teach verbally attacked a blind shoe shine boy for not affecting a sufficient shine to his carpet slippers. However it is believed that this onslaught has its origins with the unfortunate shoe shine boys mother who was allegedly Dave the Teach’ s personal haberdasher and valet when the Teach  was the principle at a private school in a remote location in a canton on the Swiss / Liechtenstein border.

Returning to Davos, it is during his prolonged stay in the Alpine region, that Dave the Teach forged links with various important dignitaries and influential Swiss and Tyrolean members of government, whilst roaming the countryside in a battered Mini. It is believed that it is theses links that have enabled the Duck Flat Cap Society to gain an alleged seat at the up and coming forum.

These same unsubstantiated reports emanating from the” Barrow in Furness, St Petersburg and Ulan Bator Institute of Mastication” indicate that the Society will be looking for a deal to limit the involvement of the European Community, The White House and other worldwide governmental and industrial institutions, in the governance of fiduciary, fiscal and other matters relating to the free movement of Flat Cap Assets and members throughout the world wide community.

The unsubstantiated reports go on to state that policy makers in the far east and south America, where the Duck Flat Cap Society are allegedly setting up affiliates, are being actively lobbied to allow the standard Flat Cap Society rules and regulations to apply without any interference from the state. 

Further details will be posted when we receive a report from Dave the Teach.

PYTHAGORAS THEOREM DEBUNKED BY DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

PYTHAGORAS THEOREM DEBUNKED BY DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

In an astonishing statement, the “mathematical, spiritual and subutteo” sub-committee of the Duck Flat Cap society have confirmed that they have no confidence in the mathematical rule known as  “Pythagoras Theorem”  and have removed all  reference to it from its published literature. 

Acting President and Chairman, “Dave the Duck” has revealed that after consulting various works by Julius Caesar, Attila the Hun, Confucius, Adolf Hitler and Galileo, former president and chairman “Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif” has come to the conclusion   that Pythagoras, allegedly long considered an alcoholic by Bohemian scholars, was drunk at the time he postulated his theory, and that there are in fact four sides to a triangle and not three, and should in fact be known as a quadrangle.

Driver Chard further bases his obtuse opinion on the fact that when viewed through a micron telescope, under the right conditions a fourth angle can be briefly viewed through smoked and scratched lenses after consuming sufficient narcotics and trance inducing frog slime. He also unconvincingly states that he has also allegedly repeated his tests utilising the Hubble Space Telescope, and has obtained the same results.

Driver Chard has support for his new theory from ex-refuse collector and failed karaoke singer, “Ray the Dust”. This corpulent, ageing and height deficient duo are ably supported to a lesser degree, by “Bazza the Gravedigger”, “Pepe Le Puke”, “Mad Mick the bet” and “Gary the Under-writer”. 

  

However, “Dave the Teach” and his fellow northern agitator, military hard –man and Falklands War veteran “Basher Hurley”, fervently disagree with the new theory put forward by their fellow brethren. 

“Little-Legs Parks” views in the matter have not been sought due to his continued incoherence brought on by a continuing debilitating bout of “Mad Albert Disease”, and to date, the “Deaf Club” and “Nick-Nick” have had nothing to say in the matter.

Their disagreement has allegedly resulted in a split at the debating table and unsubstantiated reports state that Dave the Teach has placed himself in self-imposed exile at a location believed to be in the south of France. Basher Hurley has himself been in a self-inflicted imbibing exclusion zone for a number of months and conducts all meeting remotely by way of sign language, incoherent gurgling, farting, burping and lip reading.

The executive and full committee of the society are to debate this complex matter with the “Imbibing and hard sums” sub-committee of the Bohemian League of Gentlemen (BLOG) in a few weeks and a further report will be posted in due course. 

In the interim period, there will be no talk of Pythagoras at the debating tables of both the DFCS and BLOG, and this will be harshly endorsed by the acting Chairman and President of the DFCS and the current "Whip-Holder General" of BLOG.  

Further updates in due course.

LITTLE LEGS PARKES IN SCANDAL AT THE HEIDELBERG AND WEALDSTONE INSTITUTE OF RECTAL SURGERY

LITTLE LEGS PARKES IN SCANDAL AT THE HEIDELBERG AND WEALDSTONE INSTITUTE OF RECTAL SURGERY

Little Legs Parkes, former President and Chairman of the Duck Flat Society, recently stood down from his position at the helm of the society, due to alleged nefarious activities involving rectal surgery, lead piping and counterfeit Russian headgear.

It is alleged in unsubstantiated reports that the diminutive ageing ex pygmy smuggling plumber, has taken gardening leave whilst the societies "embezzling and  wire fraud" sub committee investigate recent links with the Heidelberg and Wealdstone Institute of Rectal surgery and the International Federation of Flat Caps"IFCA".

Little Legs Parkes obtained temporary control of the society after the sudden and  unexpected resignation of Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif, who has recently had his membership revoked by the "Membership and Snorkeling Sub-Committee" due to prolonged absence from the board table.

In view of the investigation in to Little Legs financial and sexual affairs, the Chairmanship and Presidency was transferred to Dave the Duck who currently retains the exalted position.

 However, he has not been able to recover the chains of office which are believed to be stored in Driver Chard's downstairs toilet, and are suspected to be utilised as a luxurious toilet chain for flushing the old fashioned ceiling high cistern.

The recent appointments have been contested by "Dave the Teach", northern agitator and Tupperware magnate, known by some as the Ducks answer to Trotsky, and his occasional drinking and backgammon buddy, the failed karaoke singer and former lady's man "Ray the Dust".

Indeed, Ray the Dust contests the appointment of Dave the Duck to such an extent that he has invoked rule 101 of the Duck Flat Cap Societies rulebook, which compels each member involved in a dispute to  imbibe 14 pints of honeyed mead within a time limit of 60 minutes whilst consuming 6 pints of jellied eels and a packet of yeast extract flavored pork scratchings. 

The outcome of this contest was never in doubt, and after imbibing the required volume of sickly mead and consuming the eels and pork scratching, Dave the Duck and Ray the Dust were all transferred to Northwick Park Hospital for immediate surgery and resuscitation.

After a protracted stay in intensive care, the pair of intransigent contenders for the exalted title of "Chairman" have both been reinstated to the Board, and the position of Chairman will remain open until the full regalia is obtained from Driver Chard.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

LORD FRENCH IN YPRES OF TROUBLE OVER WW1 HUN HAT HASSLE

LORD FRENCH IN YPRES OF TROUBLE OVER WW1 HUN HAT HASSLE

Unsubstantiated reports reaching the Duck Flat Cap Society state that during the first world war Lord French was allegedly invited to swap hats with high ranking German officers during failed peace talks convened at a location in Kent, England.

The location was allegedly "The Plough", a small village pub that can trace its history back to the medieval period.

 The small public house has a long association with historic figures from the past, and can consider The Duke of Wellington a former local. Indeed, when The Duke of Wellington resided at Walmer Castle, it has been alleged by local historians that he would often ride across the fields to the Plough, to seek liquid refreshment and copious amounts of homemade ale and steak pie.

The unsubstantiated reports allegedly received by the Military and imbibing sub-section of the Duck Flat Cap society state that after the conflict ground to a halt in the trenches,it was decided that the stalemate could be defeated by the top brass partaking in games of shoveappeny and skittles in the Plough.

The reports also allege that Lord French being a resident of Ripple, invited the Bosh high command to his local pub, and over numerous pints of best bitter and a few bottles of Schnapps, the German top brass were were soon sozzled and completely inebriated, whist Lord French maintained a stiff upper lip and stoic sobriety.




It is further alleged that it was at this stage of this nefarious affair that the Kaisers sozzled henchmen allegedly tried to forcefully exchange headgear with the British Commander who swiftly rebuffed their attempt with brute force and a robust swipe of his cavalry sword.

Unsubstantiated reports detail that the proprietor of the Plough was alerted by his regulars, and soon dismissed the mad hatted Hun rabble from the pub, leaving the Lord French to smoke his pipe and complete his pint of best bitter before retiring to nearby Walmer Castle to brief the Lord Warden of the recent riotous behaviour at the Plough.
 
The German high command were quickly escorted to Dover, where they were allegedly shipped back to the Western Front with a consignment of bully beef and pigs trotters.

Matters are due to be debated by the Military and imbibing sub-section of the Duck Flat Cap society, and an update will be reported in the third quarter.





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