DRIVER "KING CHARD" CLAIMS BLOOD LINK TO RICHARD III
Acting president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff has shocked the membership of the fabled institution by stating that he is a blood relative of King Richard III.
In a statement released via his recently acquired I Pad, the septuagenarian desert rat has revealed that he is directly related by blood to the Plantagenet branch of the Royal family.
He further claims that he had prior knowledge of the final resting place of the twisted murderous sovereign, and that he has conclusive evidence of the true fate of the twins supposedly murdered in the tower of London.
To this effect he claims that the twins were never murdered by their crippled uncle, and that they survived to live full and happy lives in somerset, residing in a spacious mansion in the small village of Chard.
Furthermore, the youngest prince Richard if Shrewsbury Duke of York, changed his name to Chard and married the vicars daughter Elizabeth Carbuncle. This marriage produced fifteen children of which the eldest son Lionel Chard, an ox cart driver, of whom Driver Chard is the direct ancestor.
Driver Chard claims to have documents confirming his claim, and a family Bible with an inscription that reads "this is the property of Lionel Chard son of Richard Plantagenet, Duke of York and purveyor of the finest Cider in England".
The documents claimed to be owned by Driver Chard have been requisitioned by the Duck Flat Cap Society and will be studied by the "Consumption and Royal Succession" sub committee.
The Sub Committee is to be headed up by Basher Hurley who will be assisted by the Republican Dave the Teach and the "fat old bastard" who sits in the corner reading the paper and asking for the TV to be turned off.
Independent legal advice will be provided by the failed papal candidate and pub lawyer, Pat Pope LVO I, who although subject to bouts of insanity due to an outrageous drinking habit and a former infestation of the incurable and debilitating "Mad Albert disease" has been retained by society.
If the documentation and inscription are proven to be original and not forgeries, the society will be formally lodging a request for Driver Chard to be instated as King Chard - Plantagenet I, the true monarch of Great Britain and Ireland.
Further details to be released by Royal Proclamation in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
Acting president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff has shocked the membership of the fabled institution by stating that he is a blood relative of King Richard III.
In a statement released via his recently acquired I Pad, the septuagenarian desert rat has revealed that he is directly related by blood to the Plantagenet branch of the Royal family.
He further claims that he had prior knowledge of the final resting place of the twisted murderous sovereign, and that he has conclusive evidence of the true fate of the twins supposedly murdered in the tower of London.
To this effect he claims that the twins were never murdered by their crippled uncle, and that they survived to live full and happy lives in somerset, residing in a spacious mansion in the small village of Chard.
Furthermore, the youngest prince Richard if Shrewsbury Duke of York, changed his name to Chard and married the vicars daughter Elizabeth Carbuncle. This marriage produced fifteen children of which the eldest son Lionel Chard, an ox cart driver, of whom Driver Chard is the direct ancestor.
The documents claimed to be owned by Driver Chard have been requisitioned by the Duck Flat Cap Society and will be studied by the "Consumption and Royal Succession" sub committee.
The Sub Committee is to be headed up by Basher Hurley who will be assisted by the Republican Dave the Teach and the "fat old bastard" who sits in the corner reading the paper and asking for the TV to be turned off.
Independent legal advice will be provided by the failed papal candidate and pub lawyer, Pat Pope LVO I, who although subject to bouts of insanity due to an outrageous drinking habit and a former infestation of the incurable and debilitating "Mad Albert disease" has been retained by society. If the documentation and inscription are proven to be original and not forgeries, the society will be formally lodging a request for Driver Chard to be instated as King Chard - Plantagenet I, the true monarch of Great Britain and Ireland.
Further details to be released by Royal Proclamation in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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