PAT "LVO" CANNISTER IN SHOCK BURLESQUE REVELATIONS

 PAT "LVO" CANNISTER IN SHOCK BURLESQUE REVELATIONS

Unknown to all but a handful of loyal lieutenants, ex mitorian pat "LVO" cannister has a previously undisclosed paternal cousin who is a failed burlesque lady boy.

Theobald "kitten" Cannister spent the first 30 years of his sad and lonely life working as a table cleaner in the Neasden wimpy bar and as a late night ball polisher in Ron Gross's snooker hall.

 Any additional free time was wasted attempting to seduce teenage immigrants of both sex, at the Welsh Harp open space.

 Indeed he was involved with the local police on numerous occasions after visiting the desolate watery expanse, but was also often interviewed by the constabulary after visiting the local odeon cinema.

As a young man he expressed a keen interest in motorcycles and could often be seen having discussions with oily greasers and leather clad bikers, and ultimately tinkering with the timing chains and throttles in the showroom opposite the snooker hall.

As time passed, the awkward imbecile turned to frequenting the seedy side of Soho and soon became a regular at a number of strip joints. He was occasionally partnered by Pat "LVO" Cannister on this trips to London's sex capital, and indeed on more than one occasion the venue was chosen for the sexual libations of "LVO".  

Before long, Theobald "Kitten" Cannister was frequenting Burlesque bars where he began to show a particular liking to their seedy strip act. After one such encounter, "Kitten" proceeded to purchase a collection of erotic female clothing, and started to perfect his own gross Burlesque act.

 After auditioning at a number of the seedier clubs in Soho, "Kitten" was offered a slot in a bisexual review bar.

 He was initially accompanied by Pat "LVO" Cannister, who was soon working at the bar as a card man issuing calling cards to those unfortunate enough to take them from his trembling hand.  

Before long it became obvious to "Kitten" that his future lay in Burlesque, but also realised that to reach his personal goal, he was going to have to re gender himself as a "Lady Boy". A trip was soon organised to a back street unlicensed Doctor in Bradford, who arranged for the necessary injections and drugs to be taken to ensure that his breasts grew to the size required for his act. 

His manhood was to remain place as with most self respecting Lady Boys.

After a number of months "Kitten" returned to the stage only to be lambasted by the crowd, who's shifting tastes had moved on from those offered by Kitten Cannister.

 He soon moved on to selling his body, but after little success resorted to the practises and pass times previously displayed at the Welsh Harp Open Space.  


The Cannister family have tried to keep the existence of this unwelcome relative secret over the years, even denying his very existence, although his influence can be seen in the way that his corpulent cousins have enacted their own seedy lifestyles. 

After frequent run-ins with the  various local law enforcement agencies, "Kitten" emigrated to Bangkok where he continues to live to this day eking out a sad existence selling his body to American and Arab tourists. 

Further updates will be released in due course.