The celebrated North West London drinking and debating society, The Duck Flat Cap Society, have made a late bid to the organising committee for the inclusion of two new sports to the imminent London Olympiad.
After much deliberation the sporting sub committee of the DFCS voted to petition for the inclusion of Flat Cap tossing and the timed pint , to the existing pantheon of Olympiad sports. Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, campaigned breathlessly for the inclusion of "Gamp" or Umbrella throwing, but this was rejected due to objection of former military Hard man and sexologist Basher Hurley, and northern insomniac and inebriate Dave the Teach.
Also, a request to include "Dwarf Flinging" was brought to an earlier unsuccessful conclusion by the minuscule and part time plumber and sexual therapist, "Little Legs" Parkes ,who together with his diminutive compatriot "Pepe Le Puke", violently objecting to the practice of small bloated bodies, just like their own, being used for the purposes of sport.
An earlier request for "Deerstalker coites" was rejected by "Chelsea Dave" and "Bazzer Duck" due to an earlier incident when an unruly misplaced deerstalker almost led to the loss of a number of pints of cold lager.
"Flat Cap Tossing" has been been a celebrated sport and pastime for many years, and peculiarly has a particularly strong following in the south of England, where an inbred hatred of northerners and all northern has long taken hold. The only exception to this hatred has been the adoption of the flat cap, and this has its historical beginnings in the east end of London when costermongers Dockers and lighter men wore the headgear to protect them from the smog that was so prevalent in nineteenth century London.
The other new sport that the society has requested to be adopted in to the Olympiad is that old favourite, the timed pint. This of course is a ritual that has had pride of place in London public houses for centuries, and is closely related to the celebrated centuries old ritual of downing a "yard of ale". Indeed the yard of was included in the 1908 London Olympics held at White City but was later withdrawn from the games due to Great Britain gaining Gold, Silver and Bronze in the event, and also having the next seventeen placings.
We await the response of the Olympic Committee and will report its deliberations in due course.
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