EXTORTIONATE 4% INFLATION RATE THREATENS LONDON OLYMPIC GAMES

EXTORTIONATE 4% INFLATION RATE THREATENS LONDON OLYMPIC GAMES


Today's newspapers and TV news stations have revealed that the official rate of Inflation in the UK has reached the dizzy height of 4% p.a.

This rate, if sustained, will threaten the staging of the prestigious London Olympic Games, which are due to take place in July 2012.

The threat to the games comes from the inescapable truth that the rate of inflation is fast outstripping the rate of increase to the salaries of the average UK citizen. This will lead to continued unrest on the streets and if unchecked, a "Peoples Revolution" as recently witnessed in Egypt and other middle eastern and north African states.

Indeed, the unrest has already started, with reported unrest at a north west London public house named the"Duck in the Pond". A group of self styled revolutionaries, going under the name of " The Duck Flat Cap Revolutionary Society" have been reported to have staged a minor revolt by way of protest against a recent steep increase in prices of Ale and Beer.

The self styled "Red Cap Brigade" a sub division of "the Duck Flat Cap Revolutionary Society" (its self a sub division of the renowned "Duck Flat Cap Society") have refused to pay the additional 4% added to the tariff, whilst still demanded their standard measure of ale. With good cause, the bar staff have at first refused to accept this behaviour, and have retaliated by serving short measures of Ale.

At first this was thought to be a sustainable attempt at subverting the Red Brigades tactic of withholding 4% of the tariff, but they soon realised that this was having little effect, as the servings were already short, and in need of a requested top up prior to the current unrest.

It was soon clear to the pub management that a new tactic was required, and a cunning plan was put in to place, whereby the antiquated central heating is turned down to an unacceptable level. This tactic was used in tandem with the fans being turned on to cool and full blast, so that the Flat cappers of the Red Brigade were suffering from chilblains and frost bite a good hour before closing time.

The "Red Brigade" believed to be headed by the socialist northern faction of the Duck Flat Cap Society known as the "Ekkee Thump Brigade", which is headed by Commissar Edmo Duck and assisted by the ex military hero, "Basher Hurley Duck". It is thought that these northern socialist revolutionaries have hit the correct note when discussing the current price increases with the other flat cappers, in particular "Chelsea Duck" who has reverted to wearing full thermal underwear and duffel coat when seated at his seat.

It is hoped that this recent wave of revolutionary zeal can be overcome by the time the Olympics come to London, and that wages begin to rise in line with inflation, thus equalising the price increases that the pubs are sure to invoke in line with the early heats of the 100 metres.