THEODICY AND THE BANDICOOT

Well another weekend and another couple of days to ponder the imponderable and impenetrable.

IL Poppa is currently being entertained by the great and good of this mongrel nation, whilst approx 95% of the population will not attend a religious service of any kind over the weekend !.

We mongrels of this bastardised nation will continue to view the never ending news casts of his Holinesses visit to our Islands, via the non stop satellite television services available in pubs or your homes,or via a computer of some kind, be it in your hand, lap top or desk top. Diverge from this non stop screen freak show, and glance at an old fashioned news sheet and again, many columns are given over to his Regal procession, via Pope Mobile !!, through our Cities and streets.

Whilst this is considered to be a "State Visit" as the Pontiff is the head of the minuscule "Vatican State", has anybody asked why the "Dictator" of this state is so revered throughout the world by non catholics, whilst his subjects within the City State have no powers to vote him out of office!.
Indeed his is one of the only Political positions that are appointments for life, and no form of impeachment or demonstration can or will remove his imperial behind from his throne in the Vatican throne room !.

Please note that I am in no way against his visit to our lands in his position as head of the Catholic Church, but a visit as a "Head of State" is another matter entirely.

The cost of this State visit is to be borne, as usual, by the citizens of the UK via our taxes, again this is a further slap in the face for us all, as we approach the expected and probably unavoidable double dip.

Oh well, back to the screen !!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOAF RUMOURED TO BE IN SOUTH LONDON

REPORTS HAVE BEEN RECEIVED THAT THE LOAF HAS ABANDONED THE HIGH LIFE IN GLASGOW AND IS NOW RESIDENT IN SOUTH LONDON.

IT HAS BEEN EXTREMELY HARD TO VERIFY THESE UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMOURS, DUE TO THE SECRETIVE NATURE OF LOAFMANS CURRENT EXISTENCE.

HOWEVER, A SCOTTISH SPY HAS VERIFIED THAT THE LOAF HAS VACATED HIS PREVIOUS PREMISES AFTER UNCONFIRMED SKIRMISHES WITH THE LOCAL SOMALI MILITIA.

I CAN CONFIRM THAT A DOUBLE OF THE LOAF DID VISIT THE HARROW WEALD AREA APPROXIMATELY SIX MONTHS AGO , ALTHOUGH THIS DOPPELGANGER WAS EASILY EXPOSED BY HIS INABILITY TO DOWN THE SLOPPS BUCKET IN ONE GULP AT CLOSING TIME.

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR FURTHER UPDATES.

THE BOGUS BEER BELLY BATTALION ANNUAL TEA DANCE NOW IMMINENT

THE BOGUS BEER BELLY BATTALION ANNUAL TEA DANCE NOW IMMINENT


After a break of three years, the Bogus Beer Belly Battalion have announced that their annual tea dance is soon to take place.


The venue has not yet been finalised, but a suitable hostelry will soon be chosen by the Battalions consumption committee.


All members of the Battalion will receive a communication over the next seven days confirming the date and venue.

PEDERSON - For it isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it.

Peter P "Von" Pederson, the vile by product of a liaison between a corrupt syphilitic Prussian Baron and a blind Lithuanian whore, has been spotted in Asuncion whilst having a seedy assignation with his gay lover, Heinrich Spielspitter.

Whilst his nefarious movements have been closely monitored for many years, he has recently managed to slip the attention of the various agencies following his affairs.

The Bundesamt fur Verassungsschutz and Mossad have passed there information to MI5 who are closely monitoring the present situation.

More to follow in due course.

WEEBLES WOBLE, BUT PAT FALLS DOWN !

SIMPLETON AT LARGE

ALERT !!!

BEWARE OF THE ABOVE SIMPLETON WHO HAS BEEN SIGHTED IN LOCAL HOSTELRIES IN THE LOCALITY OF HARROW WEALDSTONE.

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPROACH HIM AS HE WILL IMMEDIATELY ATTEMPT TO EXACT FUNDS FROM YOU TO SUPPLEMENT HIS BURGEONING DRINKING HABIT.

IF SEEN, PLEASE REPORT TO THE CONSUMPTION COMMITTEE OF THE "DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY".

Why do Mentalists dream of Orange’s?

Recent findings by the "Roehampton School of Lobotomy and Mentology" have revealed that each and every member of society have a deep seated fear of Oranges !.

Apparently, the fear originally lodged its self in the conscious Brain of Homo Erectus, when our ancient ancestors roamed the African plains after descending from their original arboreal home in the tree tops.

On reaching the northern most parts of of the African continent, our brave descendants came across a apparently wondrous new fruit - "Citrus sinensis" otherwise known as the humble Orange.

In a childlike manner, our hirsute progenitors were spellbound by the spherical shiny globes hanging from the lofty trees and thick luxuriant bushes.
One can only imaging the scene as the first Homo Erecturine approached a low hanging branch and grabbed the pithy dimpled fruit, pulling the enticing globe from the tree.

Feeling the soft supply flesh of the Citrus sinensis in the palm of his large hand the Homo Erectus would have tentatively placed the fruit to his nose and spelled the bitter aroma emanating from each pore of the thick skin.

However, as with the curious the world over, he next took a bite out of the flesh, biting harshly through the bitter skin, and releasing a jet of stinging juice in to the eyes of his inquisitive mate. In an instant, the unfortunate female of the species would have recoiled in horror, desperately clawing here eyes trying to remove the burning acidic juice from her eye.

This in turn would have led to the others in the group quickly retreating in a heaving mass of hirsute shuffling arms and legs as they recoiled from the evil fruit. Soon this small group would pass on to other bands of Homo Erectus the tale of the terror fruit that blinds those who touch it and within no time the Orange was known throughout their world as a demonic god fruit that would kill you if you as good as looked at it.

Later climatic changes forced our ancient ancestors to retreat from the shores of the Mediterranean, back to the grasslands of Kenya and Ethiopia, but the fear of the humble Orange remained burnt in to the conscience of these half man, half ape like beasts.

These fears were then passes on to our direct ancestors Cro Magnan man, and has remained deeply embedded in mankind's conscience, but only emerging in the minds of those who are criminally insane or in permanent need of a permanent suite at Rampton.

So next time you have a nightmare and dream of Mozart and Bowler hats, just remember the Orange you consumed earlier, that directly links you to the earliest fears of our ancient hirsute cousins whom once roamed the African planes, and unless you want a nice white suite in Rampton or some other Mental Institution, give up Oranges before its to late .......................