DRIVER CHARD HAS "BAD DAY AT THE DUCK" IN SPENCER TRACY SLUR
Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff , acting Charmain and President of the "Duck Flat Cap Society" has outraged the societies membership by bad mouthing the former Hollywood great, Spencer Tracy.
At a recent meeting of the Cultural and Cinematography sub committee convened to discuss a viewing of Spencer Tracy films, it came to light that Diver Chard has never been impressed by the famous actors one handed driving skills as executed in Bad day at Black Rock.
Driver Chard went on to explain that as a Driver in the British Army, he was trained to drive his vehicle one handed in case a limb or hand was lost in an explosion, or rendered unfit for use by a bullet or mortar shell. This training took place in the Egyptian desert, under similar condition to those experienced by Tracey in the film.
Driver Chard was particularly upset at the lack of hand signals, and the offending actors habit of holding his hat to his head with his driving hand. This was expressly forbidden under military rules, and was punishable by five stokes of the commanding officers cane to the bare posterior of the offending driver.
This point was strongly made by Driver Chard, who also agreed that he occasionally removed a hand from the wheel so that he could receive the punishment from his C.O as this was a nice change from the local cross dressing Arab hookers who offered the same back at the barracks.
The Duck Flat Cap Society sub committee members were some what taken aback by these revelations and a vote was was swiftly taken to ascertain whether the DFCS would support Driver Chard in his denunciation of the driving skills of the famed American actor. A show of hands soon exhibited a spilt in the opinions of the sub committee with non driving Bazzer Duck and the northern reactionary Dave the Teach both agreeing that the aging actor was a poor driver and should have been publicly admonished for his shoddy driving.
Both these supporters of the Chards opinion expressed a belief that they will soon be able to demonstrate the correct way to drive one handed when they drive the Golf Buggy on the Society's trip to Iberia which takes place shortly.
On the other hand, ex military hard man Basher Hurley and Dave Duck were both in favour of the silver haired actor, and both agreed that they would demonstrate that there was no alternative to the way that the Jeep was driven in the film. In particular, the various swerves that were taken to evade bullets and the interaction of other vehicles was inevitable, and a demonstration of this was also to be re enacted at the up and coming golfing event.
Driver Chard at this stage became very agitated and marched to the bar so as to order a further trio of beverages, and returning to his seat with his face cherry coloured through rage. As he fell back on to his seat he further erupted in fury as his beermats had been taken by an unsuspecting member of the bar staff, and after removing three mats from his jacket and placing his pints of bitter upon them, turned to the assembled committee and retorted "whats going on here then".
After a couple of minutes Dave the Duck approached the Chard with the subject that we had been debating, only for the Chard to denied any knowledge of the film, and that he was never a driver in the armed forces but had flown missions for the Nationalists in the Spanish Civil War. At that point the sub committee decided to break for the day and to reconvene at a latter date when Driver Chard had regained his mind and the tablets had had time to function.
A further report will be submitted if and when the DFCS members return from the proposed trip to the Iberian Peninsula.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff , acting Charmain and President of the "Duck Flat Cap Society" has outraged the societies membership by bad mouthing the former Hollywood great, Spencer Tracy.
At a recent meeting of the Cultural and Cinematography sub committee convened to discuss a viewing of Spencer Tracy films, it came to light that Diver Chard has never been impressed by the famous actors one handed driving skills as executed in Bad day at Black Rock.
Driver Chard went on to explain that as a Driver in the British Army, he was trained to drive his vehicle one handed in case a limb or hand was lost in an explosion, or rendered unfit for use by a bullet or mortar shell. This training took place in the Egyptian desert, under similar condition to those experienced by Tracey in the film.
Driver Chard was particularly upset at the lack of hand signals, and the offending actors habit of holding his hat to his head with his driving hand. This was expressly forbidden under military rules, and was punishable by five stokes of the commanding officers cane to the bare posterior of the offending driver.
This point was strongly made by Driver Chard, who also agreed that he occasionally removed a hand from the wheel so that he could receive the punishment from his C.O as this was a nice change from the local cross dressing Arab hookers who offered the same back at the barracks.
The Duck Flat Cap Society sub committee members were some what taken aback by these revelations and a vote was was swiftly taken to ascertain whether the DFCS would support Driver Chard in his denunciation of the driving skills of the famed American actor. A show of hands soon exhibited a spilt in the opinions of the sub committee with non driving Bazzer Duck and the northern reactionary Dave the Teach both agreeing that the aging actor was a poor driver and should have been publicly admonished for his shoddy driving.
Both these supporters of the Chards opinion expressed a belief that they will soon be able to demonstrate the correct way to drive one handed when they drive the Golf Buggy on the Society's trip to Iberia which takes place shortly.
On the other hand, ex military hard man Basher Hurley and Dave Duck were both in favour of the silver haired actor, and both agreed that they would demonstrate that there was no alternative to the way that the Jeep was driven in the film. In particular, the various swerves that were taken to evade bullets and the interaction of other vehicles was inevitable, and a demonstration of this was also to be re enacted at the up and coming golfing event.
Driver Chard at this stage became very agitated and marched to the bar so as to order a further trio of beverages, and returning to his seat with his face cherry coloured through rage. As he fell back on to his seat he further erupted in fury as his beermats had been taken by an unsuspecting member of the bar staff, and after removing three mats from his jacket and placing his pints of bitter upon them, turned to the assembled committee and retorted "whats going on here then".
After a couple of minutes Dave the Duck approached the Chard with the subject that we had been debating, only for the Chard to denied any knowledge of the film, and that he was never a driver in the armed forces but had flown missions for the Nationalists in the Spanish Civil War. At that point the sub committee decided to break for the day and to reconvene at a latter date when Driver Chard had regained his mind and the tablets had had time to function.
A further report will be submitted if and when the DFCS members return from the proposed trip to the Iberian Peninsula.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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