KENNEDY ASSASSINATION CLAIM ROCKS THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY
Klaus Von Jhugffieler of "The Martin Bormann school of Mastication and spoon bending" has astounded the Duck Flat Cap Society by claiming that he has documentary evidence that implicates Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif in the assassination of President Kennedy.
The documents allegedly confirm that on November 22nd 1963 Driver Chard, acting president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, was located at the book depository on the corner at Dealey Plaza.
The documents had allegedly been hidden within a large volume of witness statements and unpublished photographs held by the former KGB and stored within the Kremlin archives in Moscow. The documents were originally collected by undercover soviet agents who were present at the time of the assassination posing as traffic police, tourists and caretakers at the book depository.
The alleged statements contained within the faded documentation, talk of a short stout man, aged approximately 30 and prematurely greying, acting strangely at the side entrance to the depository and appearing to take notes with a stubby HB pencil in a shiny new Woolworth's herald square notebook.
Further more, he spoke with an English accent, and smoked British branded unfiltered cigarettes, whilst whistling God save the Queen.
The man was dressed in baggy flannel trousers and a loose fitting checked sports jacket, that reportedly had the stock of a semi automatic rifle sticking out of it.
The jacket was specifically remembered by Howard Howie Hughes Junior the 3rd, who described the breast pocket being emblazoned with the name "Chard" and the initial "F.F.C" being the initials of Fulham Football Club, Driver Chard's beloved English soccer team.
The witness continues that after striking up a conversation with the English gent , they began to discuss the grassy knoll across the road from their position and the little fence that ran across the area adjacent to and behind the greenery.
The discussion quickly moved to Golf, with the Englishman trying to guess the distance from the road to the fence by the grassy knoll, as if assessing a nine iron chip on to the green. After a couple of minutes they agreed on a distance and the information was quickly scribbled in to the note book.
A further witness,named in the documents as Leroy Fur-burger Senior, states that the very same gentleman placed his trilby upon his thick head of hair and crossed the road before settling on the grassy knoll to eat a marmite sandwich.
He then remembers that with some amazing agility, the man vaulted over the picket fence using the "Western Roll" and stood with his head peering back over the fence towards the road and book depository.
He could reveal no more as he was asked to move by a state trooper as the presidents cavalcade was approaching. However, as history sadly reveals, within minutes the President of the USA was dead and the mystery of those who shot him had started.
At a recent meeting of the "Assassination and Procrastinating" subcommittee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, the evidence of Driver Chard's implication in the greatest and most debated and mysterious murder of the 20th century were put to him by Dave the Teach and Dave the Duck.
Upon hearing the accusations, Driver Chard revealed that indeed he was at Dealy Plaza at the time if the assassination, but that he couldn't remember if he was involved in the plot due to a recent bout of gout, originally contracted from a camel in the Egyptian desert during National Service with the British Armed Forces, and continued biliousness brought on by repeated quaffing of best British bitter and the consumption of three hundred pounds of out of date potato snacks.
After considerable debate, it was agreed to "pay off" Klaus Von Jhugffieler of "The Martin Bormann school of Mastication and spoon bending" with a Duck Flat Cap Society pension and destroy the evidence recently unearthed in the Kremlin's archives.
In this respect, any attempt to use this article as evidence against the societies revered acting President and Chairman will prove pointless, as all the evidence has been consumed by Ray the Dust and Pepe Le Puke, who are bulking up for this years world "Sumo wrestling" championships.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
Klaus Von Jhugffieler of "The Martin Bormann school of Mastication and spoon bending" has astounded the Duck Flat Cap Society by claiming that he has documentary evidence that implicates Driver Chard of El Hadj Duif in the assassination of President Kennedy.
The documents allegedly confirm that on November 22nd 1963 Driver Chard, acting president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, was located at the book depository on the corner at Dealey Plaza.
The documents had allegedly been hidden within a large volume of witness statements and unpublished photographs held by the former KGB and stored within the Kremlin archives in Moscow. The documents were originally collected by undercover soviet agents who were present at the time of the assassination posing as traffic police, tourists and caretakers at the book depository.
The alleged statements contained within the faded documentation, talk of a short stout man, aged approximately 30 and prematurely greying, acting strangely at the side entrance to the depository and appearing to take notes with a stubby HB pencil in a shiny new Woolworth's herald square notebook.
Further more, he spoke with an English accent, and smoked British branded unfiltered cigarettes, whilst whistling God save the Queen.
The man was dressed in baggy flannel trousers and a loose fitting checked sports jacket, that reportedly had the stock of a semi automatic rifle sticking out of it.
The jacket was specifically remembered by Howard Howie Hughes Junior the 3rd, who described the breast pocket being emblazoned with the name "Chard" and the initial "F.F.C" being the initials of Fulham Football Club, Driver Chard's beloved English soccer team.
The witness continues that after striking up a conversation with the English gent , they began to discuss the grassy knoll across the road from their position and the little fence that ran across the area adjacent to and behind the greenery.
The discussion quickly moved to Golf, with the Englishman trying to guess the distance from the road to the fence by the grassy knoll, as if assessing a nine iron chip on to the green. After a couple of minutes they agreed on a distance and the information was quickly scribbled in to the note book.
A further witness,named in the documents as Leroy Fur-burger Senior, states that the very same gentleman placed his trilby upon his thick head of hair and crossed the road before settling on the grassy knoll to eat a marmite sandwich.He then remembers that with some amazing agility, the man vaulted over the picket fence using the "Western Roll" and stood with his head peering back over the fence towards the road and book depository.
He could reveal no more as he was asked to move by a state trooper as the presidents cavalcade was approaching. However, as history sadly reveals, within minutes the President of the USA was dead and the mystery of those who shot him had started.
At a recent meeting of the "Assassination and Procrastinating" subcommittee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, the evidence of Driver Chard's implication in the greatest and most debated and mysterious murder of the 20th century were put to him by Dave the Teach and Dave the Duck.
Upon hearing the accusations, Driver Chard revealed that indeed he was at Dealy Plaza at the time if the assassination, but that he couldn't remember if he was involved in the plot due to a recent bout of gout, originally contracted from a camel in the Egyptian desert during National Service with the British Armed Forces, and continued biliousness brought on by repeated quaffing of best British bitter and the consumption of three hundred pounds of out of date potato snacks.
After considerable debate, it was agreed to "pay off" Klaus Von Jhugffieler of "The Martin Bormann school of Mastication and spoon bending" with a Duck Flat Cap Society pension and destroy the evidence recently unearthed in the Kremlin's archives.
In this respect, any attempt to use this article as evidence against the societies revered acting President and Chairman will prove pointless, as all the evidence has been consumed by Ray the Dust and Pepe Le Puke, who are bulking up for this years world "Sumo wrestling" championships.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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