ANCESTOR OF PETER P PLATO- PEDERSON REVEALED AS HUGUENOT MUTILATOR

 ANCESTOR OF PETER P PLATO- PEDERSON REVEALED AS HUGUENOT MUTILATOR
 

  

Unsubstantiated documents allegedly recently released by the Vatican Papal state Archives, and now held by the "The Northwood Imbibing, Debating and Nazi Hunting Society" allegedly indicate that an ancestor of the heinous  pervert, Peter P Plato-Pederson, was employed by the French State as a tax collector and vengeful mutilator of  Protestant Huguenots.

The as of yet unsubstantiated recovered documents are alleged to prove without doubt that Frederick F Plato-Pederson was present at the St Bartholomew's Day massacre when thousands of Huguenots were massacred at the bequest of Cathrine De Medici under the direct authority of the King of France. 

It is believed that F F Plato-Pederson was a naturalised Frenchman having lived in Paris for a number of years after growing up in upper Saxony, a German state within the Holy Roman Empire. He had attended a monastic school as a child and was allegedly thoroughly buggered by the age of eight by his principle teacher, Friar Bruin Brown-Koch. This was not a worry to the troubled  child as he was a hermaphrodite and was dabbling with both sexes by the age of six.

It is further alleged, but again unsubstantiated that having completed his studies at the monastic school,and after surgery for severe piles and a rectal relapse, he traveled to Aachen where he was soon working as a child pornographer, creating line drawings of Nuns performing oral sex on the destitute as they begged for paupers relief at the local nunnery.
It was not long before the teenage Frederick F Plato-Pederson was working for the local religious authorities exacting tortured confessions of heresy from wealthy foreign merchants, in particular those from Vienna and Budapest.

Indeed , it was to Budapest that the vile custodian of the Plato-Pederson  name next  ventured and before long he was gainfully employed as a mutilator of Turkish Ottoman merchants and ambassadors, whilst the Ottoman Empire was battering at the door of central Europe. A particular skill obtained through constant practice was the removal of the  prostate gland via the anus, after first milking the owners gland of all its sticky and viscous liquid.  


 It was from Budapest that it is alleged F F Plato-Pederson found himself at the court of the vain King Of France, who was controlled by his anally attentive mother in law, Catherine De Medici.
 
It has long been known by those who wish to eradicate the vile P P Plato-Pederson that his ancestry includes various incestuous relationships and that this current embodiment of this sadistic lineage is the product of a long line of serial killers, torturers and mutilators.
However these new revelations reveal the true torment that his antecedents have spread across Europe, and the current struggle to establish the current whereabouts of Peter P Plato-Pederson must continue with increased vigour until he is locked away from society for ever.


In this respect recent unsubstantiated reports of his returning from Paraguay to the hinterland of western Europe must encourage all to seek this man of terror, and indeed the recent request by the Duck Flat Cap Society to the Harriet Lichacrap linked group, "The Northwood Imbibing, Debating and Nazi Hunting Society" headed by the indefatigable Tony "Naples" De Angelo, to assist with his capture is a step in the right direction.

Further reports will be posted in due course.  

"FAT WALLET" LINKED TO NEW PONZI SCAM TARGETED AT THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

"FAT WALLET" LINKED TO NEW PONZI SCAM TARGETED AT THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

Former Mitre regular and long time failed playboy Gazza "Fat Wallet" Fatwalletious, has allegedly been implicated in a new Pozni scheme targeting the august and imperious "Duck Flat Cap Society".   


It is alleged that the overweight and sadly dishevelled car salesman has been sighted making inappropriate approaches to individual member of the Society in person, by post and by various electronic means.
Indeed the illustrious acting chairman and honorary president "Driver Chard of El Hadje Duiff"  has reported being approached by an overweight clandestine figure, closely resembling the current countenance of the "Fat Wallet", offering financial inducements to introduce  members of the society to his obnoxious and illegal
pyramid scheme.

Driver Chard, being of good character and in no need of a financial kick back due to his existing fortune, dubiously earned as an employee of the publishing empire of the now deceased Robert Maxwell, turned him down flat . However this did not prevent "Fat Wallet" approaching other members of the Financial and Imbibing committee, including Dave the Teach, former Military hard man Basher Hurley, Dave Duck and Bazza. Once again these committee members turned aside the illegal scam offered by the former migraine riddled playboy, with the exception of Bazza Duck, who is believed to accepted an offer to invest in the fund.
As a long time regular of the Duck, Bazza hopes to be able to exploit his knowledge of the regular imbibers, and indeed "Mad Malcolm", an alcoholic ex ambulance operative,  has already been targeted by our Grey haired friend. .

The scheme offered up by "Fat Wallet" is a straightforward Pozni style scheme, with promises of trebling your original investment within six months of stumping up your collateral.  However, it is understood that the funds handed over to the fat wallet of the aging former playboy will be immediately invested in American sports cars and Camper Van parts for his own vicarious amusement, with the funds solicited from future scammed members being re cycled to fool the earlier investors in to believing that the twisted scheme they had invested in is legitimately producing an income.

The Financial sub Committee of the Duck Flat Cap Society are to meet on the summer solstice to  decide whether to involve the  authorities in obtaining retribution for this sly attempt at soliciting funds from society members, or if they will meet out sufficient punishment themselves, with the help of the notorious northern barbarians of the  Ekee Thump Brigade.
 

LEAKED SUPER INJUNCTION REVEALS LINK BETWEEN DR DOYLE AND MR CREOSOTE

LEAKED SUPER INJUNCTION REVEALS LINK BETWEEN DR DOYLE AND MR CREOSOTE

In a surprise move, the House of Lords has issued a ruling stating that a previously unknown link between the notorious Dr Theopolis P Doyle and the over weight Lothario Mr LVC Creosote, may be released to the wider world.

This blatant breach of protocol has far reaching effects, and may lead to the dismantling of the over used and antiquated system of law that allows bloated overweight millionaires to block the truth from the tax paying public.

The recent dissemination of news via leaks on social networking sites has had the great British Public rolling in the aisles at the inadequacies of the current system of allowing the bloated rich to buy the law as as when they choose to splash the cash.

Returning the particular case of Dr Doyle, a former founding member of the Old Mitorian Whoring Society and joint co founder of the Bogus beer belly battalion and Mr LVO Creosote, it has been of particular note that the good Doctor has not been seen in public for a  number of years due to his current tendency to sink in to the realm of a bloated thunder necked recluse.  

It had long been noted that Dr Doyle and Mr Creosote were never seen in the same room, and although both were well travelled and endowed with a plentiful sum of cash, if one showed up at a casino, hotel,  beiekeller or other such establishment, the other would not be present.

As for Mr LVO Creosote, it is believed that an unfortunate scrape with the tax authorities and a subsequent disastrous venture in to real estate on the Costa Del crime has led to his complete withdrawal from society.

However, influential circles had long been suggesting that the two individuals were in fact one and the same, in the same way that the fictional Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde once stalked the streets of Victorian England.  Indeed the evidence is convincing until one remembers the many tours of Britain, Europe and the rest of the world that these characters undertook in their youthfully early years. But, as usual there is an answer for this riddle, and the wording of the injunction recently busted in the House of Lords, indeed leads you towards the possible truth.

This truth being that due to the vast quantities of alcohol, greasy food and cigarettes consumed by the duo during the many years that the companions caroused through the clubs, pubs and whorehouses of Europe and beyond, a chemical reaction took place fusing their characters and bodies in to a singular ghastly behemoth unit.

This is of course only conjecture at the moment and further research is required before a positive conclusion can be reached. In the mean time we must wait with baited breath for more secretes revealed from the busting of the over rated super injunctions of the bloated rich.

"RAY THE DUST" TO STAR IN "SNUFF MOVIE" REMAKE OF KEY LARGO

RAY THE DUST" TO STAR IN "SNUFF MOVIE" REMAKE OF KEY LARGO

Duck regular and member of the Duck Flat Cap Society, "Ray the Dust" is to star in the role of Edward G. Robinson in a remake of film classic,  Key Largo. However, the remake is not a standard re hash of the original, but a Snuff version being produced and shot in the seedy suburbs of Alacanti, on Spain's Costa Del Crime.

The Dusts big break has come his way due in part to his earlier liaison with Benidorms favourite stripping grandad, Sticky Rikky.  As regular readers will remember "Ray the Dust" was controversially thrown from the stage whilst Sticky performed his seedy but popular act . At the time the semi illiterate and mostly sozzled Dust was going through the final stages of a breakdown brought on by his continued failure as a pub and club Karaoke singer.

(See link  http://horsingtonsmythe.blogspot.com/2011/03/el-ray-dust-in-bust-up-with-sticky.html     )

The final straw that broke the delicate and spiny back of the Dust was his recognition that he would not be singing at the Royal wedding involving the young German Prince Wilhelm and his commoner wifelet to be, Katy the kiss.  Not long after realising his offer to entertain the assorted royalty of Europe was rejected, the Dust embarked on a short trip to the Cost Del Crime where he encountered one of his all time favourite acts, the aging and leather skinned antediluvian male stripper, Sticky Rikky.

Sticky Rikky allegedly introduced the crest fallen Dust to an underground Croatian cinematographer who was casting for his new "Snuff" Movie , which is loosely based on the classic Key Largo, but with the the striking difference that the cast are disposable and real bullets were to be loaded in the revolvers and hand guns of the hot sweaty mobsters. It only took one glance at the overweight and aging failed singer, Ray the Duck, for the Croatian maestro to pick him in the leading role originally played by the great Edward G. Robinson.



Ray the Dust immediately accepted the offer unaware what the "Snuff" in snuff movies meant !. Of course his state of mind was still fragile due to recent events and after a mobile telephone call to his fellow Dust operative, the diminutive and equally unaware of the status of Snuff Movies, Pepe Le Puke, believed that the chance to star in a movie was the pick me up that he required.  It is also believed that Pepe Le Puke has also accepted an offer to star in the film, and will soon be auditioning for the part of the policeman Deputy who is shot and killed after the hurricane abates. He has also been offered the alternative role of one of the Osceola brothers.

Filming is due to start on the 18th June 2011 and it is known that Ray the Dust is due to travel to Alacante on that date. Fortunately members of the Culture and Cinematography section of the Duck Flat Cap Society are also travelling on the same trip, and updates of the progress to the Dust's forthcoming brief sortie in to the world of film will be posted here in due course.

WANBABEE BEATNICK "THE MOSENNEL" DENIES LINK TO THE KGB

WANNABEE BEATNIK  "THE MOSENNEL" DENIES LINK TO THE KGB

Former Mitre regular and chronic somnambulist "The Mosennel" has denied recent reports that link him to the soviet secrete police and intelligence agency, the KGB. These alleged links have arisen from checks of the Moscow archives by the acceptance committee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, whilst vetting "The Mossenell's  " application to the society.


The always eccentric and sometimes wannabee beatnik is known to have travelled on a regular basis to East Berlin during the final years of the soviet empire, when he was alleged to be at his most subversive.These trips only ceasing after the Berlin wall crumbled and a combination of perestroika and apathy took hold of the Soviet block.

Posing as a young Berliner, and adopting the standard beatnik dress code, "The Mosennel" would trawl the cafes and clubs of east Berlin searching for possible links to the KGB and the east German equivalent the Stasi. This troubled approach was at odds with the familiar stance of his extended family, which allegedly included the fanatical right winger and British Blackshirt "Oswald Mosley". 

It was during one of these visits to  East Berlin that he first developed his acute somnambulism that results in many casual observers believing that he has passed out due to over enthusiastic consumption of the weed, grape or malted barley.

Those who drank with "The Mosennel" during the hegemony of the Mitre public house, were aware of his duel life as an apprentice KGB enthusiast and fully understood that the standard passing out ritual was all a bluff to put the British counter intelligence services of his track.
 
The beatnik dress and laid back approach to life was also a useful rouse when approaching check point Charlie and the like, as the US and Russian boarder guards were thrown in to a false sense of security by his casual nonchalant look and countenance.   


However, with the fall of the eastern empire, the need to continue his duel existence was extinguished and "The Mosenelle" retreated to a sedate life in suburbia, which continues to this day.


The Duck Flat Cap Society , having considered all the evidence, and indeed his former membership of the fabled "Mitres" Bogus Beer Belly Battalion, have accepted his membership, and the Counter Espionage sub committee have elected him as a permanent chairman of the same.

FIRST LORD OF THE DUCK ON TRUMPED UP RACIAL ABUSE CHARGE

                                                        
    FIRST LORD OF THE DUCK ON TRUMPED UP RACIAL ABUSE CHARGE



Esteemed acting chairman and life president of the Duck Flat Cap Society,Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, has been the subject of severe character assassination of late, due to ridiculous alleged  accusations of a racist nature.

These insidious allegations have been made by the semi literate and permanently inebriated part time ambulance operative "Mad Malcolm of the Duck", who delivered his obnoxious allegations to the golfing sub committee on Monday evening.      

Driver Chard of course  refutes these vile accusations and has stated that any conversation between the two individuals would have been during a fag break at the Duck, and as conventionally and internationally agreed, off the record.

It has long been known that "Mad Malcolm of the Duck" suffers from delusions of grandeur and is known by all the regulars as being in a constant state of inebriation. His highly aggravating and unsocial trade mark howl and guffaw of a laugh is reportedly copyrighted, although this is yet to be proven in court.   

The unsubstantiated allegations of racial abuse  that have been advance against Driver Chard are believed to be linked to a conversation between former military hard man "Basher Hurley" and Driver Chard  regarding  the Chards illustrious ancestor "Lt John Chard V.C. who survived the "Siege of Maffaking", Isandlwana and the famous stand off against the Zulu hoard at "Rorke's Drift".

It is alleged that Basher Hurley made a disparaging remark regarding the Zulu natives who advance against the British Army, resplendent in their Red Coats and armed with Rifles and cannon, with nothing but spears and shields. In response the Chard jumped to his feet and spluttering expletives allegedly stated that "those Bantu boys fought like Hottentots on fire and were as brave as my old dog nipper".

The ignorant "Mad Malcolm" forgetting that in England during the greater part of the 20th century, and in particular during the war years, "Nipper" was  a popular name for black dogs, and commonly used with no racial undertones.  It was of course in this context that Driver Chard chose to name his dog. 

Most famously, it was the name of a black labrador retriever dog belonging to Wing Commander Guy Gibson, and mascot of the RAF 617 squadron.

Returning to the bar area, Mad Malcolm began to spread malicious rumours to the effect that Driver Chard was conducting himself in an ungentlemanly manner and spouting racial obscenities.   

The matter was immediately discussed by representatives of the Duck Flat Cap Society and the pub management, and it was agreed that the matter would be placed on the back burner until a full meeting of the DFCS ethical and consumption committee at the end of the month.   

WINNY "ONE SEED" BROWN TO PLAY OTHELLO AT THE DUCK

WINNY "ONE SEED"  BROWN TO PLAY OTHELLO AT THE DUCK 

The aging fabled former “Wembley Foot Taper”, W W “One Seed” Brown, has been offered the role of “Othello” at the Duck Flat Cap Societies production of the Shakespeare classic.

His ex Wembley Foot Tapping colleague Ronny "Fish" Ferguson has expressed despair at this news and believes that it will all end in tragedy. Ronny is well aware that any additional excitement in the befuddled world of the former master of the dance floor, can lead to delusions of grandeur and could well led to the ex maestro of the turn table again turning to drink and herbs.

In his youth the mercurial "one seed" Brown had led a troubled life with many evenings ending with soggy newspaper on the bedroom floor or disgruntled parents mumbling their dissatisfaction at being awoken in the earlier hours and having to defend space in the matrimonial bed chamber.  

Away from home, as a member of the famed dance troup, "The Wembley Foot Tappers" One Seed lived the life of a Prince as he grooved his way around the dance floors of Britain and Europe. He often saved his best for the annual trip to Atlantis located in Margate, adjacent to the world famous Dreamland amusement park.  This dark cellar of a musical ecstasy was frequented by the dance floor elite during the hay day of of the funk explosion in the late 1970s, and as Lonny Liston and the like expressed their melodious tunage across the dance floor, "One seed" Brown would strut his funky stuff  with his trade mark white handkerchief placed strategically on his manicured Afro covered head. 

It is for these now quickly fadding magical moments that the Entertainment committe oif the "Duck Flat Cap Society" have agreed to employ him as their lead in the up and comming production of Othello. The fact that One Seed has only nominal acting experiance is of no consiquence, and the committe are willing to overlook this minor fact to ensure that another famous lover of the grape and grain is entrapped by the Duck Flat Cap Society and becomes a member alongside the great embibers of the past such as Burton, Reid and Moon.

Further details of the production will be published in due course.    
 

MAGNUS INTERCURSUS SIGNED BETWEEN THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY & MRS PATROON OF THE LOWER FIELD

MAGNUS INTERCURSUS SIGNED BETWEEN THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY MRS PATROON OF THE LOWER FIELD


The narcotics and Gun-running sub committee of the DFCS were celebrating yesterday as they signed a commercial treaty with Mrs Ignatius MacPatroon, owner of the fabled Lower and Upper fields situated at "The Village", for the supply of Heroin, Cocaine, Oil seed Rape, candle grease and Figs.
 
A further Magnus Intercursus has also been signed with Rosie Merryweather McSphincter , proprietor of "Rosie's Tea Shoppe and Nasal hair removal emporium", enabling the DFCS to market and sell Flat Caps at her delightful premises,which are conveniently situated adjacent to Mrs MacPatroon's upper field. 

The societies Golf section are close to signing an additional agreement with Big Boy Magoo, who resides at Cherry Cottage, for the exclusive use of the village golf and skittles course during the forty eight hours surrounding the summer solstice, so that the societies annual thrash can take place.  This event will take place along side the societies celebrations of the summer solstice at nearby Stonehenge and Avebury.

As usual, the solstice celebration will be attended by Loafing Smythe,a regular visitor to "The Village" who will lead proceeding after consuming the contents of the slop bucket at the local hostelry "The Plough and Condom", and parading through the village clothed in nothing bit his thickly knotted body hair and woad, until reaching the "Dog and Tampon" on hither side of the village, where another slop bucket is to be consumed in one almighty slurp.

It is hoped that these magnanimous agreements, made between the Duck Flat Cap Society and the various inhabitants of "The Village" will lead to close contact and interaction, to the benefit of all parties.

ORIGINAL EKEE THUMP REPRESENTATIVES TO VISIT DUCK

ORIGINAL EKEE THUMP REPRESENTATIVES TO VISIT DUCK

  
The Duck Flat Cap Society have been informed via their solicitors, Arthur C Fuckrudden & Co - "Lawyers to the Landed Gentry" that the original members of the northern "Ekee Thump Brigade", formerly known as "Eky Thump", have indicated that they wish to meet the entertainment and imbibing committee of the DFCS.

The original Eky Thump were established in the late seventeenth century, performing at county fairs and local hostelries, in particular on May day and all Saints day,  but fell in to obscurity before re emerging in the early 1970's. However, due to their appearances on television they soon became household names, and in particular became cult figures in the north of England.

It was this cult status in Cumbria and Lancashire that eventually led to the later formation of the current "Ekee Thump Brigade" by the semi inebriate "Dave the Teach" and his northern compatriot, the former military hard man "Basher Hurley".
The core cause for the formation of this northern grouping was to protest against the so called "southern namby pamby" Londoners wearing the flat cap, which they considered a badge of northern grit and graft. Their opposition to the Duck Flat Cap Society has been a mute point ever since, although as a gesture of good will Dave The Teach and the former Military hardman and Falkland Island ex Penguin, Basher Hurley have both been accepted as  full members of the DFCS.

A meeting has been arranged for Sunday week, and appropriate head gear is to be worn by all attending so as not to offend the illustrious members of Eky Thump as reformed and reconstituted for the goggle box in the 70's.

Details off the meeting will be posted here in due course.