33 1/3 DAYS OF CHARD

33 1/3  DAYS OF CHARD

Leaked papers from the secret files of the Duck Flat cap Society have revealed that acting Chairman and President, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, has declared that he is to direct, produce and star in a live production of “50 Days of Chard”.

The show which is semi-autobiographical will be based in the North African desert where driver Chard was based during his teenage years as a National Service conscript. 

 It will allegedly detail a period in the octogenarian’s life when he bedded numerous local shepherd girls and the entire population of a tented Bedouin village on the outskirts of Port Said.  It is also speculated that a pregnant camel, a shy bugle boy and a small herd of goats were also the object of the young and lovelorn driver’s affection.  

The leaked papers and memorandums also allegedly detail a scandalous plot to set himself up as a local potentate and claim the title of “Pasha Chard, last Pharaoh of the two kingdoms and a camel called Bob”.  

Documents are reported to state that Pasha Chard’s residence was to be constructed within the Pyramid complex on the Giza Plateau and to incorporate the Sphinx, which was to be remodelled so as to bear the face of Driver Chard with a pint of best bitter raised to his mouth. 

 

 When the Duck Flat Cap Society were approached by a representative of the Bohemian league of Gentlemen, their response was that Driver Chard had been compiling his memoirs for a number of  years and in collaboration with Ex military hard man and sexologist Basher Hurley a script was in progress. 

 

The spokesman further revealed that Gravedigger Bazza and failed ladies man and part time karaoke singer Ray the Dust were involved with the production. However they denied that the diminutive Pepe le Puke was to play either the Bugle boy or the pregnant camel. 

The Director is believed to be Dave the Duck, although an alternative source has quoted northern spokesman and Bolshevik agitator Dave the Teach is also in the running.

 Little legs Parkes has also been sidelined due to recent appearance's at court relating to unsavoury dwarf throwing incidents in the far east.

In a further remarkable twist, it is believed that Driver Chard is to be relieved of all interest in his project due to recent bouts of "Mad Albert" disease which has rendered him unable to fulfill his dual roll at the society whist parading about the Duck in the Pond public house in full Fulham FC football kit, stockings and suspenders whilst smoking a clay pipe and singing La Marseillaise.

Further details will be released when available.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020