RAY "RAYMUNDO" THE DUST IN TOE FETISH OUTRAGE

RAY "RAYMUNDO" THE DUST IN TOE FETISH OUTRAGE

Aging Lothario and ex lightweight Karaoke crooner, Ray "Raymundo from England" the Dust, has been scandalising civil society with his outrageous toe fetish behaviour.

The dust has been absent from his workplace for a number of weeks due to a supposed injury to his foot, but it has recently come to the attention of the Duck Flat Cap Society that his injury is self inflicted.

It has long been suspected by the ethics and sexual orientation sub committee , that the overweight refuse driver has a unusual and unhealthy interest in feet, and in particular the big toe.

 

It was indeed quite apparent during a recent overseas trip to the Costa Del crime, that the dust was more than casually interested in the feet and toes of both male and female bathers surrounding the hotels pool. This unhealthy interest was also apparent in refusal to wear no footwear other than Jesus boots and  also roman centurion sandals.

On the dusts return from his trip to the Iberian peninsula, it was noted by all the members of the DFCS, that the dust had picked up the strange, odd and quite frankly baffling  trait of exposing his feet at every opportunity. This strange and unnerving behaviour culminated with his self inflicted mutilation to his big toe , so that he could flaunt his outrageously ugly digit to all and sundry.

 This seedy and gross behaviour has unfortunately been spreading of late,culminating with a recent attempt by Bazzer Duck to bite off the offending digit.

Fortunately for the fellow revellers , Bazza was pulled away from the dusts foot just in time to prevent an act of rabid savagery that would surly have resulted in full blown Rabies for the offending Bazza.

As it was, a doctor was called by Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, in his capacity of acting medical officer in the absence of ex military hard man and sexologist, Basher Hurley, and anti tetanus injections were administered to the full committee and bar staff.

We await further news on the Dusts self inflicted condition, and will report further in due course.   

EARLY INTRIGUE AT THE BOHEMIAN LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN

EARLY INTRIGUE AT THE BOHEMIAN LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN

  
The inaugural meeting of The Bohemian League of Gentlemen (BLOG), took place in a leafy Northwood hostelry, was infiltrated by a balding grey headed inebriate, believed to be the notorious gambler and builder, Big Bad Bobbidybob. 

As the founding members of the League assembled at the bar of the chosen hostelry, a short disheveled figure, wearing no socks and wooden clogs was observed glancing towards the gathered brethren.  Over a short period of time he had advance to an adjacent bar position and his balding and greying countenance was clear to all.

As the group noticed his pressing presence, Loafington "Meaty" Smythe and Horsington Smythe soon recognised this aging septuagenarian to be no other than the former Mitre reprobate Big Bad Bobbidybob.  No sooner than eyes had met, the  wooden clogged gambler was engaged in conversation involving the Mitre public house and the associated imbibers from those happy days.

As efforts to shake off the interloper were having little or no effect, the initial meeting of the League of Bohemians was initiated by the confirmation that a quorum was in place and a vote for the first President and Chairman of the League took place.


After a show of hands it was agreed that in view of his advancing years and past experience in defending his crease with a stout defense, it was agreed that Bombardier Steve Carter would   become the first President and initial Chairman. However, at this moment the greying and now baying Big Bad Bobbidybob interjected and tried to advance his own name as inaugural Chairman, stating that he was senior in age to the Bombardier.

He also objected to Monsieur Steve Carter holding two offices, at which point if was voraciously pointed out to the gambling conman that he was not a member of the League, and should sling his hook. 

The remaining Bohemian Knights, Loafington "Meaty" Smythe, Mose the Mosenelle, Sergeant Blainey, Boozy Creed,Tony "the Stallion" De Angelo and Horsington Smythe, confidently confirmed the joint appointment, and raised a glass to salute the new President and Chairman.   

However, after proceeding to purchase a round of ale for the existing League Of Bohemian members,Big Bobby was allowed to continue his attendance at the meeting.  

At this stage the voting of further officials was suspended so that the important positions of security officer, Imbiber General, Transport Secretary, Captain of the Consumption Ethics committee,  and Intermediary Quaffer, would be kept secret from the failing hearing of the now doddering Big Bad Bobbidybob.   

As the evening progressed, the level of consumption became to great to continue official business and the meeting closed with a further round being purchased involving numerous vodka and scotch whisky confections.



Soon the evening was over, and quite how the members all got home is not yet known or documented and will be discussed at next meeting.

THE BOHEMIAN LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN - THE BEGINNING

THE BOHEMIAN LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN - THE BEGINNING

 
As the dust settled on the London riots of 2011, a breakaway section of the Duck Flat Cap Society had obtained  Royal approval to set up "The Bohemian League of Gentlemen" for the protection of Public Houses and associated Ale Houses.

This Royal Charter, set up to protect the imbibing establishments of North West London, in particular Harrow Weald, North Harrow and Northwood Hills, had the full backing of The Campaign for Real Lager "CAMRLAG" together with the full support of The Duck Flat Cap Society and its affiliate  associations, including the northern agitator's, the Northern based Ekee Thump Brigade .     

The first meeting of the Bohemian League of Gentlemen took place on Friday 19th August 2011 at Northwood Hills when a small band of work weary imbibers met to discuss the events of recent weeks, the start of the Premier League and the likely hood of Man United winning the league again after scoring 15 goals in additional "Ferguson Time".    Matters concerning the safety of local hostelry's were also discussed, and a captain and President were elected for the fledgling groups Imbibing and Consumption Committee.

Of particular interest to the casual bystander, was the successful attempt by Horatio Loafmeister to swallow a pint of best Lager in less than 2.5 seconds, and thus take the record from the stout and robust Lance Corporal Blaney, who has held the record since 1948.

As expected, ex East German spy and Bilingual stenographer "The Mosenelle" attempted to consume 25 milliliters of Ice cold Lager in less than 30 minutes but sadly failed.

Slides and sketches from recent vacations in Barcelona were shown by "Boozey" Creed and Horsington "The Horse" Smythe, and Horatio Loafmeister sung Hungarian love songs and Afghanistan lullabies throughout the evening.  

A representative from the Imbibing and consumption committee of the Duck Flat Cap Society was also invited to ensure that proceedings went to hand, and that there was no divergence from the Leagues Royal charter takes place.

Further reports will be available after the next meeting of the Bohemian League Of Gentlemen in due course. 

 

 

JACK THE RIPPER REVEALED AS ROYAL LOVER LILLIE LANGTRY

JACK THE RIPPER REVEALED AS ROYAL LOVER LILLY LANGTRY

Records recently uncovered by the Whitechapel and Heligioland Academy of Butchery and Prostitution have revealed that the murderous Jack The Ripper was no other than the equally famous  actress and entertainer Lillie Langtry.

Miss Langtry is of course famous for being the lover and mistress of the then Prince of Wales, the future King Edward V11, and was known to be involved with the east London underworld at the time of the Whitechapel murders carried out by the notorious Jack the Ripper.

  
The murders of the Whitechapel prostitutes have been studied by historians and crime enthusiasts aver since the first murder took place in 1888. However all have apparently overlooked the evidence that has been unearthed by the students of the previously unheralded "Whitechapel and Heliogoland Academy of Butchery and Prostitution".

A close friend of Oscar Wilde, Lillie Langtry was well placed in society with associates in both the aristocracy and the seedy low life of the east London underworld.  However, most important to this story is the previously unknown fact that prior to Lillie Langtry's entry to the world of prostitution and theatre, she was a qualified butcher, having been apprenticed to a Boston butcher in her early teens. 

Secret documents , long believed to have been secreted within the Royal Archives at Windsor Castle, include  certification of her membership of the "Guild of Butchers and Poultry Slaughterers", a document that Lillie passed to the future King of England after his remark that her ferocious sexual behaviour was akin to a butcher slaughtering a beast ready for devouring at the table.    This certificate, bearing the seal of the Guild was written in ox blood and was remarkably like the infamous latter letter sent to Inspector  Frederick Abberline of the Metropolitan Police.

It had long been suggested in academic circles that Oscar Wilde was allegedly aware of the identity of Jack the Ripper, but it has never been previously supposed or suggested that his close confident and friend, the Kings Whore, was the female perpetrator of the despicable Whitechapel murders. 

It has allegedly been reported that Lillie was indeed a female misogynist, with a deep seated hatred of woman, and in particular prostitutes and whores, with the supreme irony that herself was indeed the countries greatest whore at time of these despicable murderous events.

A further investigation has allegedly revealed that Lillie was a regular visitor to Mitre Square and Hanbury Street whilst she was engaged in an earlier strategy of trying to convert the local prostitutes to a life on the stage. However these efforts were short lived and only left the Kings Whore with an even greater wish to dispose of these cheap and stinking whores and remove them violently and abruptly from society. 

Thus we await further information from the papers uncovered by the endeavours of the Whitechapel and Heligioland Academy of Butchery and Prostitution prior to updating you further.