THE HORSE LOAF CHRONICLES - THE LOST CORRESPONDENCE
Document recently released by the Madame Formaldehyde Institute for the criminally insane, have confirmed long held views that the original manuscripts relating to the formative years of the fabled partnership in lunacy, Loaf and Horse, are a reality and not a myth.
Copies of the manuscripts have been obtained by the author from the institute, and although extremely provocative in there content, facsimiles have been incorporated within this text together with a short explanatory commentary.
Letter 1 -
After a Tax review it is discovered that unscheduled relief has been received by Lord Basra, the Beadle of Baghdad, and he receives congratulations for a successful overseas campaign in Mesopotamia.
A "Lech Welensa" medal , awarded to the Beadle of Baghdad for valour, awaits collection.
Notice of forthcoming troop maneuvers at Northwood Hills are also given.
Colour Sergeant Loaf of the Bogus Beer Belly Battalion is requested to attend a Regimental Tea dance after an absence of 15 years.
Details of the closure of the units former mess hut on the Watford road are confirmed. Alternative venues have also been mad out of bounds. And orders are given that the area is now a no go zone due to its occupation by senior citizens.
Letter 3 -
Confirmation of grievance procedures against Bombardier Loaf, Marquis of Danes Court, due to non attendance at the recently arranged Regimental Tea Dance.
Details of the hearing are delivered together with an implied threat for non attendance.
A warning is given that Himalayan headgear will not be tolerated at the hearing and that it will be delivered by the Consumption Committee.
Letter 4 -
Bombardier Luis Urqhuart Loaf, Marquise of Danes Court and the Land beyond is re-instated as a Bombardier Lance Corporal.
He is ordered to attend the drill hall to receive embarkation orders and medication.
Letter 5 -
Apologies to Commander Meatloaf for advancing on the Battalions objectives in Ireland prior to his re-joining the unit.
Letter 6 -
A campaign medal is offered to Lord Basra for his actions on infiltrating eastern Europe and former Iron curtain territories.
Letter 7 -
Informing Lord Basra of the formation of a new Mechanised Imbibing Unit.
Colonel In Chief is suggest as a new rank for Lord Basra, but there is strong competition from others.
Letter 8 -
Bancuptcy proceedings against Lord Louis Le Meatloaf, Beagle of Baghdad.
Letter 9 - Debt collection.
Letter 10 -
Legal and Court Marshall proceedings against Lord Louis De Hovis.
Further correspondence is reported to be under close scrutiny by the intelligence forces of practically every nation in the United Nations, NATO and Comintern, and details will released after they have redacted offensive or politically incorrect references.
To be continued in due course .
Letter 10 - 
