RAY THE DUST IN CANNIBAL OUTRAGE AT THE DUCK
Part time garbage operative and failed karaoke singer, “Ray
the Dust” has been charged by the “Ethics and Carnivorous Activities sub
section of the Duck Flat Cap Society with cannibalism.
In an outrageous attack on an old aged pensioner, "Ray the Dust"
sank his putrid teeth in to the hind quarters of "Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff"
in full view of the clientele of the North West London public house.
Driver Chard, acting President and Chairman of the DFCS, was
bent double leaning over his displaced hat when the failed ladies man and crooner wrenched the
grey haired geriatrics trousers from his body and sank his yellowed incisors in
to the buttocks of the septuagenarian Fulham FC supporter.
Those seated adjacent
to Driver Chard flew in to immediate action and successfully pulled the rotund and
overweight behemoth from the rear quarters of the shell shocked Driver Chard.
Driver Chard quickly pulled his Fulham FC undergarments back
over his bleeding hind cheeks and turned to gaze in to the eyes of the now
rabid Ray the Dust.
Grabbing his furled umbrella in his right hand be brought
the steel tipped gamp heavily down on the thinning and stained head of the
failed pub singer, knocking him unconscious.
Alerted by the commotion, the diminutive and portly part
time driver “Pepe Le Puke” quickly sprang to the side of his felled compatriot
and administered the Kiss of Life whilst administering life giving massage to the
Dust’s genital area.
The Dust soon recovered and returned to his seat glaring at
the Chard whilst copping a gleeful smile at his dwarf like fellow part time
dust cart operative “Pepe le Puke”.
The Duck Flat Cap Society will debate the Dusts outrageous behaviour at the next full meeting and have placed both the Dust and Pepe on notice that their membership will be up for close scrutiny in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
