"WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY RAY!"
Sixty five years ago a large plump baby entered this world crying his beady eyes out and screaming at the maximum volume his infantile lungs would allow.
It has been alleged by those who wish to remain nameless, that street lighting in the area of his birth failed at the precise moment he drew his first breath, and that clocks stopped and began to go backwards for thirteen minutes after the birth.
Indeed, recent research in to the archives of the Croydon and south Surrey Gazette, detail a string of strange events occurring throughout the area of his birth, continuing over a period of thirteen consecutive days. These events culminating withe the destruction by fire, of a brewery located thirteen miles from his birth place, and the death of twelve fireman fighting the blaze with the addition of a further night watchman discovered whilst clearing the rubble from the destroyed building..
"Ray the Dust" had entered the world............
The former pub singer, failed Karaoke singer and part time Dust cart
operative, “Ray the Dust” has previously shocked the Duck Flat Cap Society (D.F.C.S) by
revealing previously unknown alleged links to the notorious "Kray Brothers" crime
syndicate.
The ageing, overweight somnambulist Lothario, has finally released documentary evidence that links him to a previously unknown crime ring, allegedly headed by the Krays, operating in Croydon and Brighton.
"Ray the Dust" was a key operative in an operation that procured danger money from a string of Wimpy bars, hairdressers and amusement arcades located across southern England.
Furthermore, in an outrageous cannibalistic attack on an old aged pensioner, "Ray the Dust" recently
sank his putrid teeth in to the hind quarters of "Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff"
in full view of the clientele of the North West London public house.
The former pub singer and delusional ladies man, Ray the Dust, also outraged fellow Duck Flat Cap Society members last year, by revealing his affinity with Beelzebub, otherwise known as the prince of darkness, the fallen angel, or the Devil.
The ageing somnambulist and part time garbage operative, has also been outspoken in his belief that British society is suffering from "following the path of righteousness", and that he believes the only way out of the world's current mess is to "follow the dark path of Diablo, the prince of darkness".
He has also taken to wearing his Man United football shirt on a regular basis and constantly strokes the red devil emblem stitched to the red jersey. His hand movements are troublesome to those in his presence, as he also continues to rub his head and pat his rotund stomach between stroking the demonic emblem.
This behaviour was thought to be just a further nervous tick that the overweight failed karaoke singer and compulsive gambler had picked up is constant and regular visits to the Costa Del crime and Croydon, although the general consensuses is that his deranged state is due to his life long link to the supernatural .
The above finally being eclipsed by Professor Buffenschmite of the Charlottenburg and Potsdam Institute of the Criminally insane, having been commissioned by the Procrastination and Imbibing subcommittee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, diagnosing Ray the Dust as clinically insane.
Sixty five years ago a large plump baby entered this world crying his beady eyes out and screaming at the maximum volume his infantile lungs would allow.
It has been alleged by those who wish to remain nameless, that street lighting in the area of his birth failed at the precise moment he drew his first breath, and that clocks stopped and began to go backwards for thirteen minutes after the birth.
Indeed, recent research in to the archives of the Croydon and south Surrey Gazette, detail a string of strange events occurring throughout the area of his birth, continuing over a period of thirteen consecutive days. These events culminating withe the destruction by fire, of a brewery located thirteen miles from his birth place, and the death of twelve fireman fighting the blaze with the addition of a further night watchman discovered whilst clearing the rubble from the destroyed building..
"Ray the Dust" had entered the world............
 |
| RAY THE DUST |
The ageing, overweight somnambulist Lothario, has finally released documentary evidence that links him to a previously unknown crime ring, allegedly headed by the Krays, operating in Croydon and Brighton.
"Ray the Dust" was a key operative in an operation that procured danger money from a string of Wimpy bars, hairdressers and amusement arcades located across southern England.
Furthermore, in an outrageous cannibalistic attack on an old aged pensioner, "Ray the Dust" recently
sank his putrid teeth in to the hind quarters of "Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff"
in full view of the clientele of the North West London public house. The former pub singer and delusional ladies man, Ray the Dust, also outraged fellow Duck Flat Cap Society members last year, by revealing his affinity with Beelzebub, otherwise known as the prince of darkness, the fallen angel, or the Devil.
The ageing somnambulist and part time garbage operative, has also been outspoken in his belief that British society is suffering from "following the path of righteousness", and that he believes the only way out of the world's current mess is to "follow the dark path of Diablo, the prince of darkness".
He has also taken to wearing his Man United football shirt on a regular basis and constantly strokes the red devil emblem stitched to the red jersey. His hand movements are troublesome to those in his presence, as he also continues to rub his head and pat his rotund stomach between stroking the demonic emblem.
This behaviour was thought to be just a further nervous tick that the overweight failed karaoke singer and compulsive gambler had picked up is constant and regular visits to the Costa Del crime and Croydon, although the general consensuses is that his deranged state is due to his life long link to the supernatural .
The above finally being eclipsed by Professor Buffenschmite of the Charlottenburg and Potsdam Institute of the Criminally insane, having been commissioned by the Procrastination and Imbibing subcommittee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, diagnosing Ray the Dust as clinically insane.
After
many months of study,Professor
Buffenschmite has ruled that the Dust has severe “Mad Albert
Disease” coupled with high level “Humanoid Spongiform Encephalopathy”.
In view of the above, Driver Chard, acting president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, has expediently suspended the membership of Ray the Dust and all those known to be closely associated with him, including Micky "Good boy" Ince and Pepe Le Puke.
Further updates regarding full expulsion from the society will be published in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
In view of the above, Driver Chard, acting president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society, has expediently suspended the membership of Ray the Dust and all those known to be closely associated with him, including Micky "Good boy" Ince and Pepe Le Puke.
Further updates regarding full expulsion from the society will be published in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
No comments:
Post a Comment