"BABEL BABBLE" ZOMBIE CONTAGION - DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY TO TAKE ACTION AS AFFLICTION INFLICTS LONDON

"BABEL BABBLE" ZOMBIE CONTAGION  - DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY TO TAKE ACTION AS AFFLICTION INFLICTS LONDON

  
A debilitating affliction is currently sweeping London and other English metropolitan areas, and is particularly effecting the large proportion of those who choose to travel by public transport.

It seems to mainly attack those who are not of an Anglo Saxon or Celtic ethnic background, although ethnic British may not be excluded in totality, and consists of an overwhelming need to shout loudly and hurriedly in to a Mobile telephone using a language that is unfamiliar to those who are native to these Islands, whilst wildly gesticulating with outstretched arms and waving hands, and occasionally gurgling, spitting and clucking.




It usually manifests itself on the upper levels of London Transport buses and can continue for at least 20 minutes without interruption. It also seems to effect the bodily functions of those afflicted as arms and heads are often seen to wave around in a Zombie like uncontrolled manor, whilst the mobile babble continues in in full uninterrupted flow.
  
A severe attack can render the vocal tracts of an offender unusable and result in a frustrated growl and hiss occasionally interposed with sounds that sound suspiciously like "innit" and "hesaid shesaid".

However, none of these outbursts have been scientifically proven, and may just be excessive wind evacuating the bodies of those attempting to communicate their thoughts to the unfortunate initiator or receiver of the call. 

Driver Chard , acting Chairman and Life President of the Duck Flat Cap Society has formed a select subcommittee to investigate the confusing babble inflicting the capitals transport system under the code name "Operation Chaucer",  and has appointed ex military hard man and sexologist "Basher Hurley" to command expeditions in to the hinterland of London Transport and Network Rail.

 It is the belief of the aging Chairman and President, that this infliction is the result of a pestilence released by agents of the French and German equivalents of the CIA and MI5, in an attempt to pursued the British public to canvass for closer political and financial Union with the EU. He is unable to give a solid reason for his beliefs , but is sure that the countries traditional enemies are bound to be behind the debilitating, although occasionally titillating, explosion of baffling sounds on the nations transport systems. 

Basher Hurley will be assisted in his commando raids by failed karaoke singer and part time Dust Cart operative "Ray the Dust" and the diminutive "Little Legs Parks" who is tasked with infiltrating rush hour transport dressed as a school child, so as to monitor playground gibberish in an attempt to cut it out the incomprehensible babel at source, if indeed it is not caused by a pestilence unleashed by agents of the EU.

Green-keeper "Bazzer Barry" will also accompany the commandos so as to discount and dismiss any inclusion of incomprehensible "Cockney" speech, from the groups written reports of "Babel babble" that will be eventually submitted to Driver Chard and the "Operation Chaucer" Sub Committee .

So,if traveling on a London Transport Omnibus or indeed the Underground Tube, please do not become annoyed or upset by the cacophony of speech spilling from the pathological lips of the afflicted, but feel sorry for them, turn away, count to ten,and and count yourself lucky that you have not fallen foul of this cruel and debilitating disease.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020