RAY THE DUST IN PSYCHOPATH DIAGNOSIS

RAY THE DUST IN PSYCHOPATH DIAGNOSIS

Professor Buffenschmite of the Charlottenburg and  Potsdam Institute of the Criminally insane, having been commissioned by the Procrastination and Imbibing  subcommittee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, has diagnosed Ray the Dust as clinically insane.

After many months of study, he has ruled that the Dust has severe “Mad Albert Disease” coupled with high level “Humanoid Spongiform Encephalopathy”.

Recent events on the Costa Del Crime have confirmed the professors diagnosis, with the failed karaoke singer and part time refuse collector “Ray the Dust”, threatening to kill bar staff who refused to  acknowledge his extensive biomass immediately.

This threat would then be followed up by the dust shutting his eyes and snoring as his befuddled brain lapses in to an unconscious state.

 On more than one occasion a white handkerchief was also placed on his head prior to unconsciousness.

On other occasions, Ray the Dust would be found in the local KFC with a bucket of fried chicken on his head, having previously attempted to sing Mustang Sally using a coffee cup as a microphone, whilst standing completely stark naked, except for a Cowboy Boot on his left foot. 

The rare combination of Mad Albert Disease and Humanoid Spongiform Encephalopathy (HSE) has previously been diagnosed in Ulan Bator and Kinshasa, but never in Europe or the America’s.   

Driver Chard, acting President and Chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society has acted swiftly in suspending Ray the Dusts membership, and the ruling council are currently discussing a permanent ban.  

The council of deputies are also currently debating the possibility that Pepe Le Puke and Little Legs Parks have also contracted the debilitating pathogen and their continued membership is to be subject to rigorous medical examination, to be conducted by Master Sergeant Basher Hurley.

Ex Military Hard Man and sexologist Basher Hurley qualifies for this onerous task due to his medical first aid certificate obtained whilst studying tactical manoeuvres at the Hinckley Point School of Farting, Coprolalia and Tourette’s syndrome.

His medical skills having already been established when previously bringing Driver Chard back from the Dead during the unfortunate “Gamp and Suspender incident” at the recent summer solstice, and the never to be forgotten “Disabled toilet manoeuvre” of   2011.

The source of the "Humanoid Spongiform Encephalopathy” is believed to have been  a soiled pair of Pepe Le Pukes under garments that were lent to Ray the Dust when he had an unfortunate follow through after a large breakfast on the way to the waste disposal site in Ruislip. With regards the Mad Albert Disease" pockets of the pathogen have been prevalent in the locality ever since Little Legs Parks had a mild bout in 2011.

Professor Buffenschmite believes the individual strains of H.S.A and M.A.D converged in to the deadly concoction that currently debilitates Ray the Dust after a casual meeting between the Dust and Little Legs in a Benidorm Gay bar, after the Dust had already become infected with H.S.A via Pepe Le Pukes soiled under pants. 

Further details will be released in due course.