The Author

The Author

Wednesday, 4 May 2016

FLAT CAP AHOY AT LONDON'S MAYORAL ELECTION

FLAT CAP AHOY AT LONDON'S MAYORAL ELECTION



A 1571 Act of Parliament to stimulate domestic wool consumption and general trade, decreed that on Sundays and holidays, all males over 6 years of age, except for the nobility and persons of degree, were to wear a cap of wool manufacture on force of a fine (3/4d per day). 

The bill was not repealed until 1579, though by this time, the Flat cap had become firmly entrenched in English psyche as a recognized mark of a non noble subject, be it a burgher, a tradesman, or apprentice.

In recent years there have been many attempts to reinstate the above act, but to date all have failed.

However, acting president and chairman of the Duck Flat Cap Society "Dave Duck" had decreed that it is the avowed policy of the society to ensure that the law is enshrined within legislation before the end of the current parliament.

To this effect, he has allegedly declared that after lengthy negotiations with all entities and parties involved in the forthcoming London Mayoral election, the reinstated act shall become law within the precincts of Greater London with immediate effect after the last ballot paper has been cast on Thursday 5 May 2016.

The fine is to be increased to £80 per day with all receipts being awarded to the Duck Flat Cap Society, so that they may be distributed to the society membership who will administer, police and enforce the new law.

In addition to Sundays and holidays, the law shall now also cover Thursdays, as a tribute to the Duck Flat Cap Society.

The fine will be doubled the second time a miscreant is fined and this doubling of the fee shall continue until the offender is placed within the confines of the soon to be created Flat Cap Debtors prison.


Although former Congolese Pygmy smuggler and failed plumber, "Little Legs Parkes" has violently protested that the reinstated law should also include Russian style headgear, the diminutive aggressor has been out-voted by the Flat Cap Committee and no further amendments to the law will be allowed until Candlemas eve 2022. 

Norther agitators "Basher Hurley" and Professor "Dave the Teach" have both endorsed the reinstatement of the law, but have stressed that they will not assist in the collection of fines due to a mixture of religious and Marxist beliefs.

"Ray the Dust" has indicated that he wishes to apply for the office of "Cap Finder General", but to date his application has not been endorsed by the full committee.

He does, however, have competition for this role, as "Gravedigger Bazza" and "Pepe Le Puke" have both shown an interest in this influential and financially lucrative post which comes with a large annual stipend and a comfortable push bike.

Other Duck Flat Cap members such as "Mad Mick", "Gary the Underwriter" and "Nick Nick Dave" have agreed to be crossbenchers, and will respect the wishes of the committee when voting on matters relating the reinstated 1571 Act.       

A further update will be published in due course. 

          






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