IWANTA SHYTE AND DRIVER CHARD IN "SHIT WHISPERER" BIG STINK
At a recent meeting of the literary and procrastination sub committee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, the groups chairman and acting president "Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff" was involved in an ugly incident involving the co author of their recent novel "The Shit whisperer".
The 800 page volume has been widely acknowledged by the literary press as a supreme collaborative work of art, which follows the life and times of a shit shoveller who had the uncanny gift of being able to softly talk the sewage out of the cesspit and in to his barrow.
The principle protagonist of the story is an eighteenth century character named Eyneeda Shyte, who was born in to slavery in North Africa, and who escaped his Barbary Pirate hosts by diving in to a ships shit heap and lying immersed within the ever increasing dung heap until the ship docked at Plymouth , England.
Having made his way off the vessel he hid for three months in a local farms pig stye where he soon noticed that the mire and accumulated shit defecated by the various farm animals would form orderly neat hummocks of shit as he gently spoke to the stinking quagmire. After a number of months Eyneeda Shyte had murdered the farmer and his wife and taken up with a concubine of black and white porkers.
Three years later he had established himself as the Number One Poo picker upper in the entire country of England and was setting up franchises in Wales, Scotland and Northern France. He was supported in his task by his hybrid chimera "son- pigs", of whom Driver Chard's co author Iwanta Shyte is the great great grandson.
The novel goes on to explain the ups and downs of the shit shoveller and ends with a grand claim that several European Royal family's are closely related by Black Pudding to the shit groveller's dynasty.
Iwanta has now claimed that the volumes has been written entirely by himself and that Driver Chard's only involvement was an interest in his porcine niece, a large sow that lives in his garden and lays down a velvet shit when provoked with a bushel of wheat.
Driver Chard's response was to stick his furled umbrella up the anus of Iwanta and wrench his waistband until his balls burst. Feeling deflated the ageing great grandson of the shit shovelling dynasty left the podium and after regaining his composure Driver Chard declared the meeting over and consumed his three pints of best bitter whist whistling the Marseillaise and fingering his i pad.
Any further incidents regarding the unfortunate Iwanta and the true pedigree of the novel will be published here in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
The 800 page volume has been widely acknowledged by the literary press as a supreme collaborative work of art, which follows the life and times of a shit shoveller who had the uncanny gift of being able to softly talk the sewage out of the cesspit and in to his barrow.
The principle protagonist of the story is an eighteenth century character named Eyneeda Shyte, who was born in to slavery in North Africa, and who escaped his Barbary Pirate hosts by diving in to a ships shit heap and lying immersed within the ever increasing dung heap until the ship docked at Plymouth , England.
Having made his way off the vessel he hid for three months in a local farms pig stye where he soon noticed that the mire and accumulated shit defecated by the various farm animals would form orderly neat hummocks of shit as he gently spoke to the stinking quagmire. After a number of months Eyneeda Shyte had murdered the farmer and his wife and taken up with a concubine of black and white porkers.
Three years later he had established himself as the Number One Poo picker upper in the entire country of England and was setting up franchises in Wales, Scotland and Northern France. He was supported in his task by his hybrid chimera "son- pigs", of whom Driver Chard's co author Iwanta Shyte is the great great grandson.
The novel goes on to explain the ups and downs of the shit shoveller and ends with a grand claim that several European Royal family's are closely related by Black Pudding to the shit groveller's dynasty.
Iwanta has now claimed that the volumes has been written entirely by himself and that Driver Chard's only involvement was an interest in his porcine niece, a large sow that lives in his garden and lays down a velvet shit when provoked with a bushel of wheat.
Driver Chard's response was to stick his furled umbrella up the anus of Iwanta and wrench his waistband until his balls burst. Feeling deflated the ageing great grandson of the shit shovelling dynasty left the podium and after regaining his composure Driver Chard declared the meeting over and consumed his three pints of best bitter whist whistling the Marseillaise and fingering his i pad.
Any further incidents regarding the unfortunate Iwanta and the true pedigree of the novel will be published here in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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