DRIVER CHARD IN "DARK MATTER" INTRIGUE

DRIVER CHARD IN "DARK MATTER" INTRIGUE

Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff has astounded the assembled leadership of the fabled "Duck Flat Cap Society" by revealing that he has discovered the format of "Dark Matter".

After reading an article in the scientific section of the "Harrow and Durban Gazette" Driver Chard began a personal search for the source and composition of the newly discovered substance that astrophysicists and Cosmologists believe makes up approximately 80% of everything in existence since the Big Bang.

After consulting back editions of "String Vest monthly", "Dribblers Digest" and "Wrinklies Health Monthly", the octogenarian Chairman and acting President of the august North West London debating and imbibing society, concluded that the Universe was over flowing with a rich mixture of Stout, roasted malt, London porter, excrement and crushed liquorish.
  
Furthermore, at a recent meeting of the astrophysical and imbibing sub-committee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, Driver Chard gainfully explained his astonishing theory of Black Matter to the excited but bombastic throng, wearing nothing but a badly faded Fulham F.C football shirt and a pair of black woolen tights, with a plastic gavel in his right hand. This outfit was  topped of by his "pork pie" hat, seated at a jaunty angle upon his befuddled head.

After listening to the gibberish expounding from Driver Chard's chapped and bleeding lips, the committee took a break to allow former military hardman and sexologist "Basher Hurley" to administer mouth to mouth resuscitation to the octogenarian chairman and acting president.

The excitement of announcing his new theory to the assembled membership was too much for the geriatrics heart, and after sipping from each of his his three pints of best bitter, he collapsed in to the arms of "Dave the Duck", who's swift action prevented his head bashing in to the extended boot of "Groundsman Bazza."

Recovering from his collapse, Driver Chard ripped up his notes and returned to his usual seat. After giving the "Quenelle gesture"he finished his ale and proclaimed that his theory was to be posted on the internet sites of the "Harrow and Durban Gazette", the "Dribbling Times" and "Octogenarian World", and that a further debate would take place in due course.

Further details will be released in due course.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020






 

DRIVER CHARD IN DR WHAT CHALLENGE

DRIVER CHARD IN DR WHAT CHALLENGE

Driver Chard, acting chairman and president of the Duck Flat Cap Society , has astonished the membership by claiming that he is the rightful successor to the fictional post of "Dr What".

At an extraordinary meeting of the "Procrastination, imbibing, Weeping Angel and Chekhovian" sub-committee, Driver Chard revealed to the assembled committee that he had been promised the role after the existing incumbents next regeneration.

Furthermore, he maintained that the overweight failed karaoke singer and part time somnambulist "Ray the Dust" and former slave trader and plumber "Little Legs Parks" were to be his fellow companions and time travellers.

 After being challenged by "Dave the Duck", the wrinkle faced Octogenarian Fulham F.C supporter pulled a document from his trouser pocket, proclaiming that it was a signed contract establishing him as the next Dr, and appointing Ray the Dust and Little Legs as his companions.

The fact that on closer inspection it appeared to be a repeat prescription for Viagra was dismissed at the time due to the acrid sweat dripping from his face and obliterating the wording on the crumpled document. Another document which he proclaimed to be a codicil to the original "prescription" document was also of a dodgy pedigree due to its uncannily similarity to a 1945 Fulham F.C football programme .  

At this stage of the proceedings "Pepe le Puke, pushed forward to vent his spleen to the effect that he was astonished and flabbergasted that he had been overlooked as a travelling companion.
 
 He continued to refute any suggestion that Little Legs Parks could fulfil the role of assistant companion to his fellow part time Dust Cart operative Raymondo Dusthampton.

  Furthermore, he protested Ray the Dust had shown ungentlemanly conduct in accepting the post beside the ex slave trading plumber, in full knowledge that his diminutive self craved the position.
 
At this point, the remaining committee members announced their mutual disgust  towards Ray the Dust, Little Legs Parks and Pepe le Puke for failing to reveal their Whatovovian ambitions, and passed an immediate resolution banning them from attending future meetings until clarification of the role played by each member in this subterfuge was investigated by Inspector Dave the Teach and Basher Hurley.

In this respect, proceedings will be placed on hold until Inspector Teach returns from his mid winter sabbatical in southern France, providing the  local Mayor and Gendarmerie approve his release.

Ex military hard man and sexologist Basher Hurley is on stand-bye awaiting the return of his northern associate and is currently communicating with his fellow Lancasterian via telepathy and carrier pigeon.   

Driver Chard claim will be fully discussed at the next full meeting of the  "Procrastination, imbibing, Weeping Angel and Chekhovian" sub-committee, and the conclusion of the investigation by the northern "What finder General" Dave the Teach and his sexologist buddy.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020