MIND MANAGEMENT AND THE ARCHIPELAGO OF HOPE
"Ray the Dust" and "Driver Chard" have outraged the membership of the "Duck Flat Cap Society" by announcing that they propose to denounce former military hard man "Basher Hurley", as morally corrupt.
Basher Hurley has recently recovered from a quintuple heart bypass operation and the successful prosecution of an enemy agent, who after masquerading as his dusky lover, inflicted actual bodily harm to his genital area and skull.
Ray the Dust and Driver Chard contend that the recent court proceedings have dragged the good name of the Duck Flat Cap Society through the gutter, mortally debasing the society and its members.
Ray the Dust, a morbidly overweight failed karaoke singer and former part time dust cart operative, has also enlisted the support of his diminutive medicine ball shaped colleague "Pepe Le Puke", together with that of the societies in house carpenter and ale distributor, Micky "Good Boy" Ince.
This group of inebriate protesters have pushed the silver haired Driver Chard to the forefront in their quest to denounce Basher Hurley. Driver Chard has risen to this clarion call with a robust speech proclaiming that the societies military wing has been weakened by the recent sexual escapades of the self proclaimed "Falklands veteran", and the subsequent court proceedings resulting from the brutal beating he received from his dusky former mistress.
This speech was delivered with such vim and vigour that the older members of the society were drawn to memories of Enoch Powell and his "Rivers of Blood" speech together with furtive recollections of Her Adolf Hitler ranting about Lebensraum at Nuremberg and the Reichsparteitagsgelände.
Indeed, Driver Chard was in need of medical treatment and manual resuscitation after his outburst and was unable to find his false teeth until "Bazzer Duck" handed them back three days later.
Driver Chard has purchased, in the name of the protesting faction of the Society, a full page advert to appear in both the Wealdstone Gleaner and the Belmont Observer.
The advert details the charges against Basher Hurley, together with previously unseen photographs of the former military hard man in compromising positions involving a dusky nurse in full national health regalia, flat cap, a Churchill cigar, a high heel shoe and a bottle of champagne.
The remainder of the Duck Flat Cap Societies membership are split as to the authentic nature of the charges levelled at the former military hard man.
However, his northern ally "Dave the Teach", has confirmed his allegiance to his lancastrian brother, and has agreed to act as his standard bearer whilst fighting the brazen allegations against his morality and good standing amongst fellow flat cap wearers.
A full meeting of the procrastination and imbibing sub committee will take place shortly and full details will be published here in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
Basher Hurley has recently recovered from a quintuple heart bypass operation and the successful prosecution of an enemy agent, who after masquerading as his dusky lover, inflicted actual bodily harm to his genital area and skull.
Ray the Dust and Driver Chard contend that the recent court proceedings have dragged the good name of the Duck Flat Cap Society through the gutter, mortally debasing the society and its members.
Ray the Dust, a morbidly overweight failed karaoke singer and former part time dust cart operative, has also enlisted the support of his diminutive medicine ball shaped colleague "Pepe Le Puke", together with that of the societies in house carpenter and ale distributor, Micky "Good Boy" Ince.
This group of inebriate protesters have pushed the silver haired Driver Chard to the forefront in their quest to denounce Basher Hurley. Driver Chard has risen to this clarion call with a robust speech proclaiming that the societies military wing has been weakened by the recent sexual escapades of the self proclaimed "Falklands veteran", and the subsequent court proceedings resulting from the brutal beating he received from his dusky former mistress.
This speech was delivered with such vim and vigour that the older members of the society were drawn to memories of Enoch Powell and his "Rivers of Blood" speech together with furtive recollections of Her Adolf Hitler ranting about Lebensraum at Nuremberg and the Reichsparteitagsgelände.
Indeed, Driver Chard was in need of medical treatment and manual resuscitation after his outburst and was unable to find his false teeth until "Bazzer Duck" handed them back three days later.
Driver Chard has purchased, in the name of the protesting faction of the Society, a full page advert to appear in both the Wealdstone Gleaner and the Belmont Observer.
The advert details the charges against Basher Hurley, together with previously unseen photographs of the former military hard man in compromising positions involving a dusky nurse in full national health regalia, flat cap, a Churchill cigar, a high heel shoe and a bottle of champagne.
However, his northern ally "Dave the Teach", has confirmed his allegiance to his lancastrian brother, and has agreed to act as his standard bearer whilst fighting the brazen allegations against his morality and good standing amongst fellow flat cap wearers.
A full meeting of the procrastination and imbibing sub committee will take place shortly and full details will be published here in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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