THE CUMMERBUND INITIATIVE

THE CUMMERBUND INITIATIVE

After long and careful consideration, the "Duck Flat Cap Society" has adopted the standard "Cummerbund" as an additional item of compulsory clothing.

The society has initiated this change to its existing policy due to the expanding waistbands of a number of the society’s members.

With the expected onset of inclement weather during the winter months, the wearing of a Cummerbund of at least 4 inches girth will be compulsory between the months of October and April. This will be alongside the standard wearing of a Flat Cap or Deerstalker at all times, whilst attending a meeting at the Duck or any other associated hostelry.

 

It is sad to note that the number of “lard arses” amongst the membership has increased greatly over the last two years, with Ray the Dust and Pepe Le Puke leading the way.

These genetically overweight behemoths have continued to grow their humongous stomachs at an unacceptable rate during the usually fallow summer months.

The reasons for this unacceptable increase in blubber are currently a matter of heated debate amongst the "imbibing and procrastinating" sub-committee, and many observations have been made regarding the sedentary hedonistic lifestyle of these pension age part time refuge collectors. 

In particular, the intake of pork pies, lard, kebabs and double fried chips is to regulated by the direct intervention of the Dusts and Le Pukes better halves .  

 

The committee have come to the conclusion that the corset like properties of a Cummerbund will restrict the intake of alcoholic beverages during official meetings, and so render the portly and overweight amongst the gilded brethren to feel agitated and uncomfortable, thus fostering a wish to loose weight.

However, Driver Chard has obtained an exemption to this new initiative on medical reasons, due to his continued bout of "Mad Albert Disease", quadruple hernia and ingrowing toenails.


Further deliberations will take place after Cummerbunds have been surgically removed from several members of the committee, and updated reports will be distributed and disseminated to the press in due course.