CIVIL WAR THREATENED AT THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

CIVIL WAR THREATENED AT THE DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY

The Duck Flat Cap Society has recently been rocked by rebellious members of the Smoking and Procrastinating sub committee voting to split the society asunder, by declaring their wish for Independence from the Duck Flat Cap Society.


The agitators are pushing to secede from the society due to recent events revolving around, acting president and chairman, "Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff's" request for a plebiscite on accepting the Euro as the societies currency, and issues linked to Basher Hurley's current recovery from major heart surgery.

Driver Chard

Ex karaoke singer and failed Lothario, Ray the Dust, has also had a hand in the current unrest due to his ridiculous political claim that he supports the American Republican Party , because he believes it is representative of the countries retired Publicans and licenced victallers.   

Ray the Dust

 The Dust has threatened to join Basher Hurley and Driver Chard in their push for a revolution and break away society, although he is no quite sure why.


 Basher Hurley, who has recently made a miraculous recovery from open heart surgery, has returned to the debating table insisting that he has seen the light and  wishes to create a new hardcore militaristic Duck Flat Cap society, policed by a squadron of highly trained Lesbian combatants.

Basher Hurley

Basher Hurley goes on to describe seeing a bright white light whilst under the knife, and tells of a harsh booming voice telling him not to surrender and return to the Duck and set up an all woman military body that would control a new society headed by Basher Hurley.


   He admits that this voice in his head and the white channel of light may have been due to his mixing three pre operation pints of Guinness with the anaesthetic provided by his medical team, but he continues to stand firm in his belief that the Duck Flat Cap Society is in need of a revolution.

Basher 2 hats Hurley

 Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff has cynically stuck to Bashers lead, and continues to agitate for change, due to the Euro issue, and that the fact he was not centre of attention during recent meetings.

These matters have been fiercely debated by the full imbibing and gaming committee, although the committee was forced to sit without Driver Chard and Basher Hurley due to their current subversive political wishes and beliefs.

Chelsea Dave

This meeting was chaired by "Chelsea Dave Duck", and sat throughout the night debating how best to deploy the societies assets so as to repel the attack on the societies current  format and raison d'etre.

The guvnor of the Duck fully supporting the all night enterprise provided copious amounts of hot food  and alcohol, and provided supporting staff to keep away the agitating Basher Hurley and Driver Chard.
 Ray the Dust had confused his dates and waited patiently outside a working mans club in Croydon in a state of confusion, and ultimately in vane.

Bazza Duck

Bazzer Duck conducted a long speech on the history of the society and the ancient rights that have evolved over the centuries, including the cherished right to drink after hours and consume any remaining alcoholic beverage at a pace befitting the members capacity to imbibe the ale or lager.

The ancient right to use the Disabled Toilet was also debated and re confirmed.  

Ray the Dust & Incy wincy

The issue of the revolution and break up of the DFCS has still not been resolved, and a confrontation with Driver Chard and Basher Hurley, probably supported by Ray the Dust, provided he can remember to turn up, is awaited by the DFCS committee.

 Further details will be posted in due course.

RAY THE DUST IN SATANIC LINK TO REPUBLICAN SYMPATHISERS

RAY THE DUST IN SATANIC LINK TO REPUBLICAN SYMPATHISERS

Elderly former pub singer and delusional ladies man, Ray the Dust, has outraged fellow Duck Flat Cap Society members by revealing his affinity with Beelzebub, otherwise known as the Devil.

The ageing somnambulist and part time garbage operative, has been outspoken in his belief that British society is suffering from following the path of righteousness, and that he believes the only way out of the world's current mess is to follow the dark path of Diablo, the prince of darkness.  

Ray the Dust has also taken to wearing his Man United football shirt on a regular basis and constantly strokes the red devil emblem stitched to the red jersey. His hand movements are troublesome to those in his presence, as he also continues to rub his head and pat his rotund stomach between stroking the demonic emblem.

At first this behaviour was thought to be just a further nervous tick that the overweight failed karaoke singer and compulsive gambler had picked up is constant and regular visits to the Costa Del crime and Croydon.

However, it has now become evident that the popular jovial drunk has permanently effected his mental faculties due to a mixture of over eating, under the counter erectile deficiency drugs and copious amounts of illicitly distilled alcohol.

The Dust has also taken to commenting on the USA electoral debate, and has adopted the Republican cause in the sad belief that "Republican" is an American version of "Publican".

Although the "Duck Flat Cap Society" "North America and the colonies" sub committee have discussed this with the Dust, he remains convinced that the Republican Party are staffed and populated by licensed Victualler's and retired publicans, and its political emphasis is solely to provide the easy passage of alcohol from the producers of alcoholic products direct to the demanding public.   

He goes on to state that he believes the Devil invented alcohol and alcoholic beverages so as to redeem and enlighten the souls of the damned, and relieve them from the unforgiving stress of living a righteous life.

  Thus "Ray the Dust" has linked his belief that the dark path of Beelzebub and the way of the underworld is directly interwoven with the Republican cause due to his delusional belief that the Republican Party is a political party set up for the free and unhindered consumption of alcoholic beverages. 

The Duck Flat Cap Society is to continue to monitor the current situation, and will attempt to re programme the mind of the Dust so that he may return to civil society.

In the interim period he will be held under strict house arrest in his Carpenters Park residence, with security supervised by former military hard man and sexologist Basher Hurley.

An update on his mental health will be released in due course.

THE TRUTH - "SOLOMON GRUNDY" WAS NOT BORN ON MONDAY !

THE TRUTH ! - SOLOMON GRUNDY WAS NOT BORN ON MONDAY !

SOLOMON "PEPE LE PUKE" GRUNDY

Evidence uncovered by the Duck Flat Cap Society has disproved the long held belief that Solomon Grundy was born on Monday.

Archaeological students from the Krakow and Warsaw institute of Nursery Rhymes, working on a recently demolished east London slum, have discovered the long lost birth certificate of the fabled Solomon Grundy.

Records of his birth were thought to have been permanently lost when the troubled boys family moved the young Solomon in to a secure unit at a south London asylum, and burnt his clothing and belongings so as to eradicate all trace of his connection with the family.

The birth certificate goes on to indicate that the so called Solomon Grundy, was no other than an antecedent of Duck Flat Cap Society favourite and part time refuse collector, Pepe Le Puke.Furthermore it reveals that the sad birth took place on a Wednesday evening, and not as fabled on a Monday.

Ageing ex body popper and circus performer, Pepe Le Puke has been approached by the DFCS acting chairman and president Driver Chard in this respect and denies any link to Solomon Grundy. This is despite an alleged six inch tattoo on his back displaying the name of his ancestor, and a ring held on a gold chain inscribed with his name. Further evidence of a link is revealed due to his naming his two children Solomon and Grundy, even though one is a girl.

Pepe Le Pukes denial of any link to Solomon was taken extremely badly by Driver Chard who had previously told the remainder of the DFCS nursery rhyme sub committee, that he had previous knowledge of the true identity and day of birth of Solomon Grundy due to an earlier encounter with an Egyptian soothsayer when patrolling the Egyptian desert in 1948.

   Driver chard's face turned a deep purple as he started to fidget and jump  in and out of his seat whilst drinking his pint of real ale in under four seconds. His hands trembling, he spilt his next drink whilst lifting to his cracked lips and exclaimed that he was dealing with the devil incarnate and needed to lie down and smoke a cheroot.

He then proceeded to remove his clothing and sit naked in the centre of the table chanting the Lords prayer whilst twirling a Fulham F.C scarf above his greying scalp, held aloft by his short stumpy arms.


Before long, the remaining committee members felt they had to intervene, and Bazza Duck dragged the now screaming Chairman from his table perch and deposited him back on his seat, tying him down with his scarf.

At this stage it was noticed that the diminutive Pepe Le Puke had left the premises and taken the recently re discovered birth certificate with him.

Further study in to this intriguing situation will take place when the certificate is obtained from the minuscule tightfisted body popper, and further details will be posted in due course.