PLASTIC ELASTIC BALL INSULATORS FOR SWINGERS

Further to earlier reports, the manufactures of "Plastic Elastic Ball insulators for swingers", which are marketed as "Plum Protectors for the Broad of mind & Broadband user" would like to make it perfectly clear that their product is not to be used if the purchaser is less than five feet six inches tall.

If the user is shorter than the pre determined minimum size limit, there is a real danger of injury, due to the propensity of the rubber encased swingers to bounce violently if they come in to sharp contact with the ground or another hard object.

During trials of the product, conducted in Bangalore, India, several Bangalore's gentlemen of a miniature stature, were hospitalised with strangulated testicles due to their Wang danglers bouncing of the floor whilst indulging in the act of copulation.

Each of these unfortunate gentleman had reported poor connectivity with their Broadband after having there Swingers replaced with inferior Titanium metallic Plumbs, and had been offered the "Plastic Elastic Ball insulators for swingers" as a possible solution. As these brave pioneers were sexually active, it was only a few hours before the first reports of strangulated Testes started reaching the emergency wards of the Bangalore.

However, it was soon noted that each of these unfortunate lovers of cold steel, were minuscule in size, with none over the height of five foot five. Further research clarified the original prognoses that a combination of the highly sexual behaviour of the Broadbandless Bangalore swingers and the dry, rock hard surfaces used for sexual activity, were the perfect interface for the plastic plums to reek havoc after rebounding of the floor and rupturing the connecting tissues of the Bollock Cages of the Bangalore hosts.

So beware, if under five foot five , do not use "Plastic Elastic Ball insulators for swingers", unless you wish to entangle your danglers with liniment and bandages and risk permanent detachment of your much loved Titanium Steel Lolly pops................................