APOCALYPSE DUCK
Whilst browsing through an old black and white Egyptian edition of Picture Post, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, acting President and Chairperson off the Duck Flat Cap Society, noticed and article detailing an archaeological excavation in Megiddo, Palestine.
The article described the uncovering of am elaborately engraved marble manuscript that detailed the destruction of the world by a midget Antichrist in an episode to be known as the Apocalypse.
Intrigued by this article Driver Chard took to his I Pad and was soon searching for entries relating to the destruction of the earth and the end of time, and soon noticed the similarity of the inscription on the marble tablet to that of the christian Bible's"The Book of Revelation".
His further searching soon revealed that the site of the archaeological dig in Megiddo, was also known as Armageddon, which is associated throughout the modern world with the end of time.
Fuelled with this information, Driver Chard went about his urgent business of revealing to the world that he had located the Antichrist in North West London, and that the end of time was immanent.
His fervour further kindled by his belief that Little Legs Parks, an associate member of the Duck Flat Cap Society, was the Antichrist, as revealed by his "666" tattoo located on his left buttock and allegedly repeated on his right testicle.
At a recent meeting of the Duck Flat Cap Society "Revelations and Apocalypse" sub committee, Little legs Parks was cross examined regarding his alleged tattoo's , and after a thorough examination by the societies medic, ex military hard man and sexologist Basher Hurley, it was suggested that the alleged markings were a side effect of his long term affliction, previously described as "Mad Albert Disease", but known to history as "St Benedict's Fire", "Repdigit palindromic syndrome" or "the Devils mark".
Faced with this evidence, the sub committee reported that Little Legs Parks was indeed the Antichrist, and immediately had his associated membership revoked and was fined two guineas and a removed from the society Golfing society for eighteen months.
However, "Little Legs Parks" is set to appeal this decision and has employed failed lady's man and karaoke singer "Ray the Dust" to represent him at the appeal hearing.
In view of this decision, Driver Chard has downloaded sufficient software and apps to his Tablet computer so as to enable the disgruntled octogenarian martinet to broadcast regular hourly bulletins across the radio waves of Britain, warning of the impending Apocalypse at the hand of the diminutive plumber "Little Legs Parks".
His hourly rantings are broadcast from his humble home in North West London, and The Duck In the Pond, via an associates Ham radio set and affiliated radio mast. The hourly broadcasts of :
"Good morning/day/evening/ night Britain.... the end is nigh, seek and destroy the Antichrist Little Legs Parks.."
Whilst browsing through an old black and white Egyptian edition of Picture Post, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff, acting President and Chairperson off the Duck Flat Cap Society, noticed and article detailing an archaeological excavation in Megiddo, Palestine.
The article described the uncovering of am elaborately engraved marble manuscript that detailed the destruction of the world by a midget Antichrist in an episode to be known as the Apocalypse.
Intrigued by this article Driver Chard took to his I Pad and was soon searching for entries relating to the destruction of the earth and the end of time, and soon noticed the similarity of the inscription on the marble tablet to that of the christian Bible's"The Book of Revelation".
His further searching soon revealed that the site of the archaeological dig in Megiddo, was also known as Armageddon, which is associated throughout the modern world with the end of time.
Fuelled with this information, Driver Chard went about his urgent business of revealing to the world that he had located the Antichrist in North West London, and that the end of time was immanent.
His fervour further kindled by his belief that Little Legs Parks, an associate member of the Duck Flat Cap Society, was the Antichrist, as revealed by his "666" tattoo located on his left buttock and allegedly repeated on his right testicle.
At a recent meeting of the Duck Flat Cap Society "Revelations and Apocalypse" sub committee, Little legs Parks was cross examined regarding his alleged tattoo's , and after a thorough examination by the societies medic, ex military hard man and sexologist Basher Hurley, it was suggested that the alleged markings were a side effect of his long term affliction, previously described as "Mad Albert Disease", but known to history as "St Benedict's Fire", "Repdigit palindromic syndrome" or "the Devils mark".
Faced with this evidence, the sub committee reported that Little Legs Parks was indeed the Antichrist, and immediately had his associated membership revoked and was fined two guineas and a removed from the society Golfing society for eighteen months.
However, "Little Legs Parks" is set to appeal this decision and has employed failed lady's man and karaoke singer "Ray the Dust" to represent him at the appeal hearing.
In view of this decision, Driver Chard has downloaded sufficient software and apps to his Tablet computer so as to enable the disgruntled octogenarian martinet to broadcast regular hourly bulletins across the radio waves of Britain, warning of the impending Apocalypse at the hand of the diminutive plumber "Little Legs Parks".
His hourly rantings are broadcast from his humble home in North West London, and The Duck In the Pond, via an associates Ham radio set and affiliated radio mast. The hourly broadcasts of :
"Good morning/day/evening/ night Britain.... the end is nigh, seek and destroy the Antichrist Little Legs Parks.."
have started to take a grave
toll on Driver Chard's health.
He can be seen sat at his usual seat at the DFCS HQ, unshaven and wearing his full Fulham FC football kit, flat cap and furled umbrella at his side, whilst foaming at the mouth and sipping pints of best British bitter.
His face is a constant puce with beads of hot sweat cascading down his deeply creased face. Due to the excessive stress placed upon Driver Chard's attempt to save the world from the Apocalypse, he has agreed to temporarily stand down from his leadership of the Duck Flat Cap Society, and his position has been taken by "Mad Laurence the Drive" who will be assisted in his duties by Dave "Duck" and the Duck Umpalumpas.
Further details of the "End of Time" will be detailed later..............................unless..........!
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
He can be seen sat at his usual seat at the DFCS HQ, unshaven and wearing his full Fulham FC football kit, flat cap and furled umbrella at his side, whilst foaming at the mouth and sipping pints of best British bitter.
His face is a constant puce with beads of hot sweat cascading down his deeply creased face. Due to the excessive stress placed upon Driver Chard's attempt to save the world from the Apocalypse, he has agreed to temporarily stand down from his leadership of the Duck Flat Cap Society, and his position has been taken by "Mad Laurence the Drive" who will be assisted in his duties by Dave "Duck" and the Duck Umpalumpas.
Further details of the "End of Time" will be detailed later..............................unless..........!
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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