THE BARBARION INVASION OF LAKE WINDERMERE AND THE SURROUNDING HINTERLAND - PART 1

THE BARBARIAN INVASION OF LAKE WINDERMERE AND THE SURROUNDING HINTERLAND

On a cold spring morning the large nosed blaggard who went by the name "Yardos the one ball" rose from his drunken slumber and walked across his fêted hut to release his vile putrid urine across the matted floor covering and splattered against the coarse wattle walls. His drinking Horn hung against his huge gut and lay next to half shriveled semi lob.

Having finished his morning piss and dressed in his finest battledress he left his hut and moved through the still morning air towards the large horse drawn cart that was parked at the end of the lane, adjacent to the Mitorian Ale house that had expelled he and his and his brave band of heathen brother’s only hours earlier. 

Carefully tucking his one ball in to his tight leggings he boarded the transport and conducted a head count of his fellow band of stinking, drunken, puke covered comrades at arms. A slow count of heads soon revealed that Doctorian Doylus, the mustachioed Horsingtonious of the fêted fart, Pattious Cannonious of the bigguis vodkanannius, Beuwloaf of the Meat, and many other brave battle horn hardened revelers were all aboard and ready for their attack on unsuspecting natives of the northern outpost of Scousepool.

The rabble were soon venturing north engaging in spirited banter and lighthearted pissing in the bottle, so as to relieve the boredom and bladders as the overflowing pig bladders and Drinking horns were attacked with venomous ease by the Mitorian Barbarian hoard.
Having reached their destination, the stinking hoard shuffled in to their lodgings reeking of stale piss and sweat.

Yardos "the one ball" and the Doc were soon bickering in the space given over for imbibing the local fermented grape and barley, whilst the spirited Cannonious negotiated with the tavern keeper for a humungous round of festering venomous brain killer.

Horsingtonious was stalking the premises looking for the nearest dunny so that his festering pants could unload a truly magnificent heap of coagulating muck so as to enable more of the glorious flowing nectar to enter his huge aching stomach.

To be continued..................