LORD LOUIS LOAFINGTON SMYTHE IN SNUFF MOVIE INTRIGUE

LORD LOUIS LOAFINGTON SMYTHE IN SNUFF MOVIE INTRIGUE

The self proclaimed “Baron of Snuff”, Lord Louis Loafington Smythe, has been accused by Driver Chard , of the importation of Congolese Pygmies for the obscene underworld sport of Dwarf throwing.

Driver Chard, the acting president and chairman of the “Flat Cap Society” has outrageously divulged his previously secret knowledge of the inhuman importation of diminutive pygmies, to the Procrastinating and Imbibing sub Committee of the august society.

The sub committee members were aghast at the declaration from the aged ex military driver, and immediately put in motion the selection of a select committee to investigate the slanderous outburst from Driver Chard.

 The Select committee is to be headed up by “Little Legs Parkes” who has inside knowledge of Dwarf Flinging, due to his earlier participation in the underhand sport, which was unfortunately brought to an abrupt end due to the early onset of “Mad Albert Disease” as chronicled in earlier reports.

He will be assisted in his deliberations by fellow midget and part time dust cart operative “Pepe Le Puke”, and his fellow garbage disposal operative and failed Karaoke and Pub singer, “Ray the Dust”.

The remainder of the select committee will consist of “Bazzer Duck” “Chelsea Dave” and “Rasta Hurley, former military adviser to the DFCS who is currently convalescing after a nasty attack of “Barbadian Tourette syndrome”.   

After an initial meeting at the Duck, the select committee were appalled to be advised by an associate of Loafington Smythe, that as well as Dwarf Flinging, the illegally imported pygmies were also to be used in the production of “Snuff” movies for the rapidly growing “octogenarian plus”, retirement and rest home market.

 The recent surge in this market being a side effect of the rapid advance of “Mad Albert Disease” and the associated “Creutzfeldt-Mitre” Syndrome” throughout the aging population of the UK.

In his defence, Loafington Smythe has instructed his solicitors, Arthur J Fukrudden & Sons (solicitors to the landed gentry) to issue a full rebuttal and to counter sue the Duck Flat Cap Society for defamation  and slander. 

The rebuttal includes a frank and  heartfelt denial of the illegal importation of pygmies for the “Snuff “movie market, and suggests that the facts have been twisted due to his previous involvement in the importation of pulverised tobacco leaves, otherwise known as “Snuff”.

The Duck Flat Cap Society is to instruct the select committee to continue with their deliberations, and an updating report will be posted in due course.

  

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