SLAVERY BACKLASH AT THE DUCK
Driver Chard has astonished the regulars at the Duck In the Pond public house, together with the general membership of the Duck Flat Cap Society, by confessing to keeping numerous slaves in his humble suburban house.
The octogenarian acting chairman and president of the Duck Flat Cap Society has admitted enslaving various unfortunate members of the unsuspecting public over a period of fifty years.
His initial act of enslavement allegedly took place after a short sighted religious zealot called at his premises attempting to sell old copies of the Watchtower, whilst the furious Driver Chard was listening on the wireless to his favourite football team, Fulham F.C, compete in the FA cup. Grabbing the bespectacled miscreant by the scruff of his neck, Driver chard threw the unsuspecting bible basher down the steep steps of his cellar dislocating the zealots shoulders and also breaking both his arms and his back.
Forgetting the unfortunate alleged Watchtower peddler for many weeks, due to a combination of Fulham's shameful exit from the cup competition, and an early bout of Mad Albert Disease, Driver Chard eventually discovered the smouldering putrefying mess in his cellar whilst looking for back copies of "Gardeners World" and "Naturist monthly".
Although barely alive, the crumpled cripple had managed to survive by eating the lower section of his right arm and licking water from an air vent that had developed a leak due to poor pointing.
Knowing that he would be incarcerated by the police if he revealed the occupant of his cellar to the authorities, Driver Chard decided that the only option was to keep the reluctant God peddler as his prisoner. Driver Chard soon realised that he could use his unfortunate guest to his advantage by exchanging clothing and rudimentary toiletries for his crippled slaves labour. Chard soon went about creating a system of pulleys and levers so that the electricity required to power the household lighting and electric goods could be supplied via a generator linked to a treadmill in the cellar.
Over the years it soon became apparent that further man power was required to ensure sufficient power was generated to run the increasing number of electrical goods and services consumed by the Chard household. With this in mind, Driver Chard continued to procure further slaves via his links with the sinister Maharaja - Sheik Mahat Mahcoat Hook, an oriental carpet fitter with links to Zanzibar, Lambeth, Warsaw, Cricklewood and Pemba.
Before long his basement had been excavated to ensure that numerous downtrodden, half starved, eastern European, welsh, Geordie, cockney and far eastern religious zealots could propel an enlarged treadmill thus generating sufficient AC/DC for all the electrical gadgets Driver Chard could assemble in his three bed semi detached dwelling.
After his confession, Driver Chard has had his Presidency and Chairmanship of the Duck Flat Cap society suspended, with all his Tablet computers and electrical gadgets confiscated, until the full "slavery, electrical engineering and imbibing" sub-committee of the society have debated this sorry tale of debauchery and enslavement.
In the meantime his menagerie of eastern slavery will continue to reside at his premises until proof of identity can be provided, together with evidence of sufficient income to support their return to their original place of transit.
Further details will be published in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
Driver Chard has astonished the regulars at the Duck In the Pond public house, together with the general membership of the Duck Flat Cap Society, by confessing to keeping numerous slaves in his humble suburban house.
The octogenarian acting chairman and president of the Duck Flat Cap Society has admitted enslaving various unfortunate members of the unsuspecting public over a period of fifty years.
His initial act of enslavement allegedly took place after a short sighted religious zealot called at his premises attempting to sell old copies of the Watchtower, whilst the furious Driver Chard was listening on the wireless to his favourite football team, Fulham F.C, compete in the FA cup. Grabbing the bespectacled miscreant by the scruff of his neck, Driver chard threw the unsuspecting bible basher down the steep steps of his cellar dislocating the zealots shoulders and also breaking both his arms and his back.
Although barely alive, the crumpled cripple had managed to survive by eating the lower section of his right arm and licking water from an air vent that had developed a leak due to poor pointing.
Knowing that he would be incarcerated by the police if he revealed the occupant of his cellar to the authorities, Driver Chard decided that the only option was to keep the reluctant God peddler as his prisoner. Driver Chard soon realised that he could use his unfortunate guest to his advantage by exchanging clothing and rudimentary toiletries for his crippled slaves labour. Chard soon went about creating a system of pulleys and levers so that the electricity required to power the household lighting and electric goods could be supplied via a generator linked to a treadmill in the cellar.
Over the years it soon became apparent that further man power was required to ensure sufficient power was generated to run the increasing number of electrical goods and services consumed by the Chard household. With this in mind, Driver Chard continued to procure further slaves via his links with the sinister Maharaja - Sheik Mahat Mahcoat Hook, an oriental carpet fitter with links to Zanzibar, Lambeth, Warsaw, Cricklewood and Pemba.
Before long his basement had been excavated to ensure that numerous downtrodden, half starved, eastern European, welsh, Geordie, cockney and far eastern religious zealots could propel an enlarged treadmill thus generating sufficient AC/DC for all the electrical gadgets Driver Chard could assemble in his three bed semi detached dwelling.
After his confession, Driver Chard has had his Presidency and Chairmanship of the Duck Flat Cap society suspended, with all his Tablet computers and electrical gadgets confiscated, until the full "slavery, electrical engineering and imbibing" sub-committee of the society have debated this sorry tale of debauchery and enslavement.
In the meantime his menagerie of eastern slavery will continue to reside at his premises until proof of identity can be provided, together with evidence of sufficient income to support their return to their original place of transit.
Further details will be published in due course.
R.I.P JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020
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