THE DAY OF THE DUCK

                                         THE DAY OF THE DUCK

Recently in the London suburb of Harrow Weald, an assassination attempt was made on the President of the Duck Flat Cap Society, Driver Chard of El Hadj Duiff.

 The attempt was allegedly made by the militant underground organisation “The Wealdstone Alcoholic Teetotalers Society” (TWATS), due to anger over the blocking of License approval for a new Bordello, billiard hall and Absinthe Den, on the site of the derelict Red Lion.

 As the president's car passed the Duck in the Pond at a steady 20 miles an hour, Driver Chard’s unarmoured Ford Prefect was raked with machine gun fire and water bombs, but he and his good lady escaped without injury to return home for supper of luncheon meat, pickle onions and cream crackers.

TWATS leader “DJ Raj” and other members of the plot to assassinate Driver Chard are actively being pursued by former military hard man and sexologist, Basher Hurley DFS so that they may be captured and executed.  As head of security for the Duck Flat Cap Society, Basher has enrolled part time refuse collectors, Ray the Dust and Pepe le Puke, together with “Groundsman Barry”, to help in his  pursuit of the extremely dangerous and volatile DJ Raj.

The remaining TWATS leaders, now exiled in Newcastle upon Tyne have allegedly decided to make another attempt on Driver Chard's life, and have hired a professional British assassin who has chosen the code name “Skunk”. The assassin’s identity is a closely kept secret, but he is rumored to have been a drain cleaner and sewage operative in a former life, where he gained the nickname “Skunk”.

 Agreeing to the killer's demand of half a million US dollars and a years supply of deodorant for his services, the exiled TWATS leadership have ordered several Bar and Pound shop robberies to raise money and enable the purchase of the deodorant demanded by the "Skunk".

 Meanwhile, news has reached the “Death threat and Consumption” subcommittee of the Duck Flat Cap Society that the Skunk has begun to plan his assassination of the lightly-protected DFCS president.

He is rumored to have travelled to Liverpool and commissioned a custom-made rifle disguised as an oversize dildo, and fake identity papers. As a professional, he is alleged to have spared the reliable gunsmith, but has killed the forger who attempted to blackmail him with photos of an indiscretion involving an underage Labrador, a Churchill cigar and a pot of bees wax. 

Back in Harrow Weald , the "Skunk" is believed to have obtained a key to a flat that overlooks the Duck in the Pond, where he will attempt to assassinate Driver Chard during an evening parade that passes the Duck on June 5th, the anniversary of “D Day”.

The society has passed these details’ to the local police, the AA, RAC and Interpol, but as a precaution have engaged a Taxidermist to prepare Driver Chard's body for display in the Duck, if the assassination attempt is successful.

Further details will be published in due course. 

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020