DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY HIT BY FINANCE CRISIS

DUCK FLAT CAP SOCIETY HIT BY FINANCE CRISIS

At a recent explosive “extraordinary general meeting” Driver Chard revealed to Finance and Supping subcommittee, that in his capacity as vice treasurer and embezzler general, he had secretly transferred the Societies monetary reserves to a numbered bank account in Cyprus.

He further explained that in addition to transferring the societies cash deposits to the Cypriot banking system, he had also invested approximately seventy percent of the funds in a Russian Corporate entity specialising in money laundering for the Russian criminal elite. 

The final insult to the societies Finance and Supping subcommittee was the revelation that the septuagenarian silver haired ex military driver had forgotten the number of the account and also the name of the Bank that the funds had been transferred too, due to a bout of gout and an embolism brought on by excessive rich food and Metaxa 7 star brandy consumed whilst on the flight to Nicosia.   

At the end of the extraordinary meeting driver chard was bound by his arms and legs by the committee and deposited in the pubs cellar where he is to remain until a hit man can be arranged to deliver the appropriate coupe de gras to the sad eyed soon to be octogenarian.

Further details will be published in due course, in the Obituary section of local newspapers.

R.I.P   JOHN CHARD 1933 - 2020

FALKLAND ISLANDS ON RED ALERT AFTER ELECTION OF NEW POPE

FALKLAND ISLANDS ON RED ALERT AFTER ELECTION OF NEW POPE

The election of the new Argentinian Pope has placed the Falkland Islands on to a war footing as they expect imminent invasion by joint Papal and Vatican forces.

Driver Chard of El Had Duiff, failed candidate for the position of Pope, and acting chairman and president of the Duck Flat Cap Society is at this moment arranging a task force to sail to the south Atlantic for the protection of the Falklands.

More details in due course.