LITTLE LEGS PARKS IN SHOCK PYGMY REVELATION
Pint sized “Little Legs” Parks has shocked the “Ethnicity
and Imbibing” sub committee of the Duck Flat Cap Society, by revealing that his
ancestors were Congolese pygmies. 
Genetic tests have confirmed that the popular part
time midget plumber has a highly irregular mix of sub Saharan mitochondrial DNA which has been passed
on by generations of mothers down his maternal time line, and DNA that matches that recently obtained
from a Neanderthal skeleton discovered in China that also has DNA associated
with the sub human species "Homo Erectus".
Those who know the minuscule plumber will be well aware of his hobbit like attributes and his huge neanderthal hands. They will also be familiar with his ability to morph in to a swarthy, if minuscule, dark skinned countenance after little more than 12 hours in the sun.
It has long been stated by historians that if a neanderthal was dressed in a suite he would probably not be noticed walking through a modern shopping centre.
However, those who have been unfortunate enough to encounter little legs Parks whilst on the job, would be left with no doubt of his ancient lineage linking him with the extinct sub human race.
Of course, his pint sized stature has assisted the large handed plumber in his trade and allowed him to quickly go about his business as he flits and scurries between roof beams and around the confined roof spaces that he inhabits on a regular basis whilst going about his trade.
The ability to squeeze under floor boards has also been to his advantage although his limbo training has also helped in this respect.
The DFCS will continue to investigate this strange case of Congo pygmy infestation and will release further details in due course.
